There is more to situations than what we call ‘black and white’. Leaders who lead from either perspective are usually making decisions based on some of the facts but not all. That might get them into trouble later on. Leading from the grey zone melds all the information together to make a more informed, responsive, not reactive decision. Those who lead from the grey zone are able to think differently from the people who surround them. Thinking from that perspective promotes leadership by allowing individual talents and creativity to emerge. Conventional leaders think it’s valuable to be able to make split second decisions, but leading from the grey zone encourages people to incorporate new ideas and wisdom subtly and without as little ‘upsetting the apple cart’ as possible.
Thinking from the grey zone takes a long time to develop but allows a leader to think between black and white and not form an opinion about something important until they’ve heard all the facts and perspectives. Thinking grey stops leaders from forming opinions before they have to and wait for all relevant information to come to light before jumping in with both feet.
Leading grey also hones listening skills as these leaders listen for what they don’t know, as opposed to from a position of validation of what they already do know. Not only do ‘grey leaders’ listen in an artful and mindful way, they look at global and multiple perspectives to see complete pictures, thereby not having to ‘fix’ things later. They also use their environments wisely, both knowledge based environments and people environments or, in this case the experts in various fields.
Things are rarely black and white. Why lead from either perspective?
Some would call this a form of procrastination. This is subtly and powerfully different. It’s more a form of positive delay; not avoidance but strategic decision-making. ‘Grey leaders’ do everything in their power to make their direct reports succeed. They don’t run the organization, rather they lead individuals who share the same vision and give substance to the organization. They all run the organization as they create a ‘community of excellence’.
I often hear from clients how sneaky I am as I get them to do things they absolutely didn’t want to do and they end up loving it. They try to wrap their heads around this to be able to lead from the same perspective. It’s more than direction. It’s showing people the possibilities, giving them time to see the benefits and letting them fly as they embrace new ways of being, doing, working….. and once they come together with their own individuality and work towards the same goals or purpose, they begin to pull themselves forward. I don’t have to push them in any way shape or form. Why would I want to? Why would anyone in a position of leadership want to push anyone in any direction? That’s taking ownership of what they do and how they do it, how they think, as well as their successes and failures.
‘Grey leaders’ might lead quietly but are very powerful all the same. They have power with people, not over them.
Best!
Donna Karlin
Friday, February 24, 2006
Sunday, February 12, 2006
Are you in control of the technology you use daily or a slave to it?
The other day I was talking to a computer specialist about technology and how it is such an integral part of the work I do. He surprised me by asking “People are always looking at the good side of technology but why aren’t they looking at the downside?” I never thought I’d hear that from a computer specialist!
But he’s right. And he asked me a valid question which I have been thinking about ever since. When he can turn to me and tell me a friend’s son at the age of 3 knows how to turn on the computer and insert a game to play, that is worrisome. He’s right. That child should be out in the playground or in the fresh air socializing with other children as this is a prescription for societal problems down the road. Besides which, it’s common knowledge that kids aren’t getting enough exercise because they’re too busy with video games and computers.
Let’s leave that for a moment and look at adults. We are so used to technology and if you think about it for a moment, you’ll realise computers and technology are integrated in all aspects of our lives. That won’t change, only increase. Truthfully, when I look at the impact it’s had on my life and that of my son’s, it’s immeasurable. Half the success of his rehab after his surgeries was because of medical technology, from a CPM (continuous passive motion) machine he wore for weeks on end which moved all his hand joints on a continual, programmed basis to prevent internal scarring to biofeedback to retrain, neuro-muscular stimulators to enervate, and laser and ultrasound for scarring. That is just one small personal example as medical advances are taking place almost daily.
For another example, because of technology, this blog now has subscribers from 74 countries and I have a dialogue with people from all over the world. That would never have taken place before. The wonders of the BlackBerry help me process emails through the day so I’m not inundated with hundreds when I get home at night. It facilitates my work and keeps me one step ahead of the chaos. I do turn it off at night, however.
Bottom line is, technology, computers, cell phones etc are tools, period. They are used as effectively as the people who use them. It helps us build our futures and reach out farther than we ever thought possible, but we are still responsible for determining our own fates.
Learn how to use it, update regularly. Don’t be afraid of it, embrace it. But don’t let it be a substitute for life. Let it enhance your life. Use technology as a way to take back your life, not take over.
Best!
Donna Karlin
*Note: Welcome new subscriber from Slovakia. We now have regular readers from 74 countries!
But he’s right. And he asked me a valid question which I have been thinking about ever since. When he can turn to me and tell me a friend’s son at the age of 3 knows how to turn on the computer and insert a game to play, that is worrisome. He’s right. That child should be out in the playground or in the fresh air socializing with other children as this is a prescription for societal problems down the road. Besides which, it’s common knowledge that kids aren’t getting enough exercise because they’re too busy with video games and computers.
Let’s leave that for a moment and look at adults. We are so used to technology and if you think about it for a moment, you’ll realise computers and technology are integrated in all aspects of our lives. That won’t change, only increase. Truthfully, when I look at the impact it’s had on my life and that of my son’s, it’s immeasurable. Half the success of his rehab after his surgeries was because of medical technology, from a CPM (continuous passive motion) machine he wore for weeks on end which moved all his hand joints on a continual, programmed basis to prevent internal scarring to biofeedback to retrain, neuro-muscular stimulators to enervate, and laser and ultrasound for scarring. That is just one small personal example as medical advances are taking place almost daily.
For another example, because of technology, this blog now has subscribers from 74 countries and I have a dialogue with people from all over the world. That would never have taken place before. The wonders of the BlackBerry help me process emails through the day so I’m not inundated with hundreds when I get home at night. It facilitates my work and keeps me one step ahead of the chaos. I do turn it off at night, however.
Bottom line is, technology, computers, cell phones etc are tools, period. They are used as effectively as the people who use them. It helps us build our futures and reach out farther than we ever thought possible, but we are still responsible for determining our own fates.
Learn how to use it, update regularly. Don’t be afraid of it, embrace it. But don’t let it be a substitute for life. Let it enhance your life. Use technology as a way to take back your life, not take over.
Best!
Donna Karlin
*Note: Welcome new subscriber from Slovakia. We now have regular readers from 74 countries!
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
The Fine Line Between Work and Play
Even though people in Canada and the US are often criticized for working ridiculous hours and not practicing work/life balance, there is a definite trend and growing desire for people to want to combine what they do for work with playtime. People are growing more concerned about defining work/life balance and how health is affected by the ‘all work and no play’ syndrome. However those who consider work ‘play’ and have a hard time defining the two as separate entities, seem to suffer more health and relationship problems when they dwell on this and consciously force themselves to reduce work hours, for it goes against the grain of who they are. An inner tug of war doesn’t increase the beneficial effects of down-time; rather it creates more tension and stress.
As hours spent on the job continually increase, high level leaders want work to be as much a part of the enjoyment of life as the time they spend outside the workplace. This definitely increases the need for coaching as many conflicts arise.
Our culture is forgetting how to play. Coaches can help clients define the line between work and play.
Coaches help clients figure out what it is they want from life, and learn to invent it as those needs are more clearly defined. A critical factor of coaching clients through this way of being is in realizing that while the coach is able to generate powerful interpretations from which the client can benefit, the coach does not hold the truth about what is best, and always works within the emotional and physical space of the client. That is the most important step in defining work/life balance within the individuality of the client.
One size doesn’t fit all when determining what work/life balance is.
It’s up to the individual to define those personal and professional boundaries, not the coach or anyone else for that matter.
Best!
Donna Karlin
*Note: Welcome new subscribers from Finland and Ukraine! 73 countries and counting!
As hours spent on the job continually increase, high level leaders want work to be as much a part of the enjoyment of life as the time they spend outside the workplace. This definitely increases the need for coaching as many conflicts arise.
Our culture is forgetting how to play. Coaches can help clients define the line between work and play.
Coaches help clients figure out what it is they want from life, and learn to invent it as those needs are more clearly defined. A critical factor of coaching clients through this way of being is in realizing that while the coach is able to generate powerful interpretations from which the client can benefit, the coach does not hold the truth about what is best, and always works within the emotional and physical space of the client. That is the most important step in defining work/life balance within the individuality of the client.
One size doesn’t fit all when determining what work/life balance is.
It’s up to the individual to define those personal and professional boundaries, not the coach or anyone else for that matter.
Best!
Donna Karlin
*Note: Welcome new subscribers from Finland and Ukraine! 73 countries and counting!
Thursday, January 19, 2006
Simplicity
It's been a while since I've written. I've been living a paradox in some ways....an intensely busy schedule, working with clients through a chaotic campaign and election time and keeping up with the business part of coaching as well. At the same time I'm writing a piece to publish on simplicity... Simplifying.
Writing about it is not simple! Every time I thought I had it just right another facet of the term or concept would come to mind which would completely throw me off. Then I started to laugh because as I was writing about this topic, my life continually got more complicated.
Busy times. Wonderful times.
All these incredible opportunities were thrown at my feet, further complicating an already overflowing schedule. I'd sometimes begin with four or five laser quick one-on-one sessions with clients before actually starting my day. Everyone wanting a moment....five minutes....a morning, afternoon...day. Dynamics change on a dime as news of a probable new governing party seem to be coming a reality. I`d find myself in an elevator for long periods of time, for when I'd get to my floor, a client would see me, get on and ask for a minute. Those 'minute or two's' turned into half an hour, 45 minutes...gives a whole new meaning to the term 'portable office'!
Contingencies, strategy....ideas flying and paradigms shifting on a moment to moment basis have been the recent norm, yet still the business of finding the time to keep a business going and creating a future right now has not been simple.
Writing deadlines, think tank meetings, shadowing, all fit like pieces of a puzzle into a day already stretched to the limit. And yet for all the craziness, there's a calm inside me like the eye in the middle of a storm that surrounds me as I watch what unfolds. How many people get to observe history in the making?
If could somehow teach that to clients, colleagues and students alike, how far ahead would they be in taking back control of their lives?
Another thing that came to mind was that simplifying my life doesn't necessarily have to do with doing less. It has to do with what I'm doing with more....how I use my time most wisely without losing sight of what matters most in my life.....the people in it.
As the days get crazier I become more focused. It's not a simple thing to describe, but for me, has become a simple thing to live.
I'd love to know what simplifying your life would mean to you...how you'd define it, live it, and what it would mean to your quality of life.
Where would you begin?
Best...
Donna Karlin
*Note: Welcome subscribers from Paraguay and Nigeria. I was amazed and delighted when subscriber countries hit 50, then at 60 I was blown away. Within the past 2 days we now have 71! I hope you stay a while, share your insights, ideas and comments for a very long time to come!
Writing about it is not simple! Every time I thought I had it just right another facet of the term or concept would come to mind which would completely throw me off. Then I started to laugh because as I was writing about this topic, my life continually got more complicated.
Busy times. Wonderful times.
All these incredible opportunities were thrown at my feet, further complicating an already overflowing schedule. I'd sometimes begin with four or five laser quick one-on-one sessions with clients before actually starting my day. Everyone wanting a moment....five minutes....a morning, afternoon...day. Dynamics change on a dime as news of a probable new governing party seem to be coming a reality. I`d find myself in an elevator for long periods of time, for when I'd get to my floor, a client would see me, get on and ask for a minute. Those 'minute or two's' turned into half an hour, 45 minutes...gives a whole new meaning to the term 'portable office'!
Contingencies, strategy....ideas flying and paradigms shifting on a moment to moment basis have been the recent norm, yet still the business of finding the time to keep a business going and creating a future right now has not been simple.
Writing deadlines, think tank meetings, shadowing, all fit like pieces of a puzzle into a day already stretched to the limit. And yet for all the craziness, there's a calm inside me like the eye in the middle of a storm that surrounds me as I watch what unfolds. How many people get to observe history in the making?
If could somehow teach that to clients, colleagues and students alike, how far ahead would they be in taking back control of their lives?
Another thing that came to mind was that simplifying my life doesn't necessarily have to do with doing less. It has to do with what I'm doing with more....how I use my time most wisely without losing sight of what matters most in my life.....the people in it.
As the days get crazier I become more focused. It's not a simple thing to describe, but for me, has become a simple thing to live.
I'd love to know what simplifying your life would mean to you...how you'd define it, live it, and what it would mean to your quality of life.
Where would you begin?
Best...
Donna Karlin
*Note: Welcome subscribers from Paraguay and Nigeria. I was amazed and delighted when subscriber countries hit 50, then at 60 I was blown away. Within the past 2 days we now have 71! I hope you stay a while, share your insights, ideas and comments for a very long time to come!
Sunday, January 08, 2006
A City of Contrasts
“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” - Mark Twain
A quote that I’ve read time and time again….one which inspires me to find a way to book ‘that trip’ or explore new places before I talk myself out of it. We all have a million things to do, don’t we? Tasks, work, responsibilities. We can either look back at fond memories of things we tried and places we’ve discovered, or with regret at not plunging into the deep end of life.
Moments......
Life is a series of them, some of our choosing and others that fall into our laps, delighting us as they unravel the mysteries of life. We not only discover and experience new things, but learn more about ourselves in the process.
I’m just back from visiting my son and his girlfriend in the U.K. I smile when I think of how I tell my friends that my house is an older one….close to 45 or so years old. And then I think of one of the signs in Norwich city centre that said “Home to Mayors and Merchants since 1320”. On moment the city was covered in snow from the biggest blizzard in history to the next where the snow was a distant memory as the sun came out and bathed the city in light, warmth (for that time of year) and melted it completely.
It’s a city of contrasts…medieval, with a castle in the city centre perched on the top of the hill. Old bright red telephone booths are strategically placed through the city usually standing empty as everyone walks with a cell phone, talking away. From the cobblestone streets with the old stately Lloyds of London bank, to the ATM machines right next door, old combines with new.I explored the streets, spoke to the local people, and took hundreds of pictures as each scene was right out of a story book. I know I have to go back in the spring when all the gardens are in full bloom, everything is lush and green and there is more daylight to discover hidden corners, courtyards and tea shoppes.
I don’t ever want to be disappointed by what I didn’t do. I want to explore, dream and discover something new every day. Where will you ‘set sail’ to next? Even if it’s around the corner, I bet there’s some hidden place just waiting to present itself to you if you go looking.
Enjoy the moments…
Donna Karlin
*Note: Welcome subscriber from Venezuela! 69 countries and counting.
Saturday, December 24, 2005
New Year’s Thoughts, Remembering and Wishes for What’s to Come….
2005 has been a full and fulfilling year for me. Much has happened and many opportunities await me for 2006.
Some of the highlights of the year were:
The School of Shadow Coaching (SOSC) through A Better Perspective was successfully launched. Our trainings are now international and we have worked with an amazing group of talented professionals looking to expand their level of expertise. Perspectives Blog now has a family of subscribers from 68 countries and has created a dialogue across the world. Two eBooks were written and published on the web and 2 print books are on their way to completion.
Stay tuned for those. I’ll keep you posted.
Microsoft has asked me to join their group of visionaries on their 'In Real Time Collaboration Team'. I can’t wait to see what unfolds in that realm!
I was offered another radio show to host and no....I didn't accept. It was easier to turn it down this time than the first as I realise how much I love being in the trenches in real time and not just talking about it. The School and my work has taken me to various parts of the globe both in real time and through the wonders of technology. I’ve worked with clients through international natural disasters, political crises and organizational and individual change. They’ve grown as have I. All in all I’ve met some extraordinary people along the way. What a gift! They continue to enrich my life exponentially.
“It is by teaching that we teach ourselves, by relating that we observe, by affirming that we examine, by showing that we look, by writing that we think, by pumping that we draw water into the well.” - Henri Frederic Amiel
When I read this quote I realised it’s what sums up my life. As I teach and am challenged by my students, I continually grow and evolve in life and work. By virtue of the work I do as a Shadow Coach, observing the subtleties, discerning what isn’t obvious and then working with my clients to affirm those observations….we both grow. By being 100% present in conversation, in support, in relationships, showing others’ they are worthy of my time, energy and focus because I give of myself out of choice, not obligation, I live in congruence with my personal integrity......and by writing thoughts to share with others, I’ve created a community of sorts….whether local, international or, as in my blog, with people I have never met yet have made a connection with.
That’s what it’s all about for me….connecting the dots. I look at things from the inside out……observing, relating what I observe…..teaching to feed back what works and what doesn’t, …..paying attention. The biggest gift I can give anyone else, in my opinion, is awareness and presence. My time. My focus. My energy…..without judgment.
For each of you…...this is what I wish for you for the new year and beyond…..
Happiness
A heart filled with wonder
Courage and inspiration when you most need it and when you don’t need it at all
Friendship….of the best kind
Contentment
A true understanding of who you are and absolute acceptance of it
Simplicity in life
To bring joy wherever you go
To have faith in yourself
That what you look for you will find
That you follow your intuition…and pay attention to where it takes you
That you try something new and love it
That you continually learn and grow
And that your smile starts from within and radiates for all to see…..
….because you’re exactly where you want and need to be at this moment in time, help build your future and give you contentment and utmost satisfaction in the present.
All the best….
Donna Karlin
*Note: Welcome new Perspectives subscriber from Turkey......68th country!
Some of the highlights of the year were:
The School of Shadow Coaching (SOSC) through A Better Perspective was successfully launched. Our trainings are now international and we have worked with an amazing group of talented professionals looking to expand their level of expertise. Perspectives Blog now has a family of subscribers from 68 countries and has created a dialogue across the world. Two eBooks were written and published on the web and 2 print books are on their way to completion.
Stay tuned for those. I’ll keep you posted.
Microsoft has asked me to join their group of visionaries on their 'In Real Time Collaboration Team'. I can’t wait to see what unfolds in that realm!
I was offered another radio show to host and no....I didn't accept. It was easier to turn it down this time than the first as I realise how much I love being in the trenches in real time and not just talking about it. The School and my work has taken me to various parts of the globe both in real time and through the wonders of technology. I’ve worked with clients through international natural disasters, political crises and organizational and individual change. They’ve grown as have I. All in all I’ve met some extraordinary people along the way. What a gift! They continue to enrich my life exponentially.
“It is by teaching that we teach ourselves, by relating that we observe, by affirming that we examine, by showing that we look, by writing that we think, by pumping that we draw water into the well.” - Henri Frederic Amiel
When I read this quote I realised it’s what sums up my life. As I teach and am challenged by my students, I continually grow and evolve in life and work. By virtue of the work I do as a Shadow Coach, observing the subtleties, discerning what isn’t obvious and then working with my clients to affirm those observations….we both grow. By being 100% present in conversation, in support, in relationships, showing others’ they are worthy of my time, energy and focus because I give of myself out of choice, not obligation, I live in congruence with my personal integrity......and by writing thoughts to share with others, I’ve created a community of sorts….whether local, international or, as in my blog, with people I have never met yet have made a connection with.
That’s what it’s all about for me….connecting the dots. I look at things from the inside out……observing, relating what I observe…..teaching to feed back what works and what doesn’t, …..paying attention. The biggest gift I can give anyone else, in my opinion, is awareness and presence. My time. My focus. My energy…..without judgment.
For each of you…...this is what I wish for you for the new year and beyond…..
Happiness
A heart filled with wonder
Courage and inspiration when you most need it and when you don’t need it at all
Friendship….of the best kind
Contentment
A true understanding of who you are and absolute acceptance of it
Simplicity in life
To bring joy wherever you go
To have faith in yourself
That what you look for you will find
That you follow your intuition…and pay attention to where it takes you
That you try something new and love it
That you continually learn and grow
And that your smile starts from within and radiates for all to see…..
….because you’re exactly where you want and need to be at this moment in time, help build your future and give you contentment and utmost satisfaction in the present.
All the best….
Donna Karlin
*Note: Welcome new Perspectives subscriber from Turkey......68th country!
Sunday, December 18, 2005
The Right and Power to Decide
“Our ultimate freedom is the right and power to decide how anybody or anything outside ourselves will affect us.” – Steven Covey
“Sorry to push you around” was a comment made last week by someone asking me to change my schedule to accommodate another’s. I thought about that for a long time. Do I let people push me around? Rarely. Is it because I have to be in total control of everything? No. Being in total control means being inflexible. I’m very flexible within reason.
What amazed me the most about that comment was how it didn’t push any buttons. That really made me smile. I can’t count how many times I hear how people turn themselves into proverbial pretzels to please someone else. They cancel last minute, do anything to “make the sale” charge rates so below their worth because they want to get the client. They twist themselves, turn themselves inside out to accommodate anyone and everyone else in the world other than themselves and when things fall apart they can’t for the lives of themselves figure out why.
We can’t as coaches teach freedom of tolerations and being ‘problem-free’ if we don’t live that freedom. We can’t ask anyone if they’re living their lives in congruence with their personal values and ethics if we don’t seem to have them.
If I cancel one client and shuffle my schedule to please another, then I’m minimizing the importance of the first client. And if I keep canceling things in my private life to fit one more person in, I’m of no value to anyone…the client or myself, for what I am teaching by personal example?
How often do you push aside your core values to fit in? …. to make a few extra dollars, get that one new client? What would that say about you?
To take it to a more personal level, how many times have you cancelled a date, lunch, get-together of some sort with a friend, family member, someone close to you because something better came along or someone else made demands of your time? What message does that give to the person you’ve asked for a rain-cheque with? And before I get a slew of emails giving me all the exceptions to what I just said such as emergencies an unscheduled work trips etc., that’s not what I’m talking about.
Think about it for a moment. It’s telling the person you cancelled on they’re not as important as a couple of tickets to something, a lunch with someone else who is more important or more socially connected.
As a human being it’s telling one person they have more value in my eyes than another. As a professional, it’s telling one existing client they’re not as important as another potential new client. In that case I am not worthy of either of them. And as a person I would have few personal ethics if I would minimize anyone for the sake of another.
“Our ultimate freedom is the right and power to decide how anybody or anything outside ourselves will affect us.” (Covey) And our ultimate responsibility is to realise how we affect everyone else around us because of our choices.
Best…
Donna Karlin
“Sorry to push you around” was a comment made last week by someone asking me to change my schedule to accommodate another’s. I thought about that for a long time. Do I let people push me around? Rarely. Is it because I have to be in total control of everything? No. Being in total control means being inflexible. I’m very flexible within reason.
What amazed me the most about that comment was how it didn’t push any buttons. That really made me smile. I can’t count how many times I hear how people turn themselves into proverbial pretzels to please someone else. They cancel last minute, do anything to “make the sale” charge rates so below their worth because they want to get the client. They twist themselves, turn themselves inside out to accommodate anyone and everyone else in the world other than themselves and when things fall apart they can’t for the lives of themselves figure out why.
We can’t as coaches teach freedom of tolerations and being ‘problem-free’ if we don’t live that freedom. We can’t ask anyone if they’re living their lives in congruence with their personal values and ethics if we don’t seem to have them.
If I cancel one client and shuffle my schedule to please another, then I’m minimizing the importance of the first client. And if I keep canceling things in my private life to fit one more person in, I’m of no value to anyone…the client or myself, for what I am teaching by personal example?
How often do you push aside your core values to fit in? …. to make a few extra dollars, get that one new client? What would that say about you?
To take it to a more personal level, how many times have you cancelled a date, lunch, get-together of some sort with a friend, family member, someone close to you because something better came along or someone else made demands of your time? What message does that give to the person you’ve asked for a rain-cheque with? And before I get a slew of emails giving me all the exceptions to what I just said such as emergencies an unscheduled work trips etc., that’s not what I’m talking about.
Think about it for a moment. It’s telling the person you cancelled on they’re not as important as a couple of tickets to something, a lunch with someone else who is more important or more socially connected.
As a human being it’s telling one person they have more value in my eyes than another. As a professional, it’s telling one existing client they’re not as important as another potential new client. In that case I am not worthy of either of them. And as a person I would have few personal ethics if I would minimize anyone for the sake of another.
“Our ultimate freedom is the right and power to decide how anybody or anything outside ourselves will affect us.” (Covey) And our ultimate responsibility is to realise how we affect everyone else around us because of our choices.
Best…
Donna Karlin
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