I’m working on a mini-course / program / perspective-maker on people. (Stay tuned…it’ll be out this fall).
I’m a Shadow Coach. I observe people all day long, those I’m coaching directly and all those around them. I watch interactions, behaviours, communication styles and even more than that…ways of being.
I also watch as people place boundaries around themselves, and make assumptions by which they live their life which, in many cases, hold them back from growing. I can’t tell you how many times I hear “I want to be able to do ----- and when I can, I’ll be exactly where I want to be” and here I am, having observed them in action for the last few days, watching them already doing it. They just aren’t aware. They are making assumptions that they aren’t aware of making. They are demonstrating behavioural traits well beyond what they wish for. They just haven’t put a name to it.
And on the other side of the coin so to speak, people know what they want and set all sorts of boundaries around them to stop them from getting what they want. It’s quite amazing to watch.
For eg. People want to take more time for themselves but feel guilty taking it. So they bring up every excuse in the book why they can’t have it, can’t take it and by the time they’ve verbalized that list, they are so mentally and emotionally exhausted, even if they did take time, the guilt would take all the joy out of it. They articulate that too….adding “So why should I bother?”
Something as simple as taking a half hour just for them can be magnified to such an extent that they make excuses for it to those around them for the rest of the day. Talk about an energy drainer instead of replenisher.
So that becomes their ‘homework’ and they have to tell me the following day what it felt like, what they were going to do with their half hour the following day and the day after etc etc until it becomes habit; a joy, not a chore. And, miracle upon miracle sometimes it actually turns into an hour! It begins to feel positively decadent.
This is just one example. People want more time….they want to be healthier but aren’t responsible for their well being. Again that magic wand is supposed to save them when they aren’t. People are a lot more complicated than we realise. We just know a fraction of who they are and make judgments accordingly. People spend more time planning a two week vacation than on what they do the rest of the year. Makes sense to you?
And so the list goes on.
The whole point of this mini-e-teaser is to make us think….be aware, intoned. It will also push many a button as some of them come too close to home. But isn’t that the purpose of a coach? To help people stretch beyond their comfort zone until it’s comfortable?
If you have any thoughts on this, I’d love to hear them. What have you observed about people that might help us all learn more about ways of being?
Best…
Donna Karlin
Saturday, July 16, 2005
Friday, July 08, 2005
Actions that inspire others to dream more
"If your actions inspire others to dream more, learn more, do more and become more, you are a leader." - John Quincy Adams
There has been a great deal of talk of late on leadership. Many have completely different views of what characteristics a leader must have. And, like anything else, leaders are only considered such by those who follow. However I liked this quote because it covers more than one realm of what a leader is. One can be inspired and motivated by someone in a position of leadership, however if that vision isn’t translated in such a way as to facilitate movement or growth, eventually the motivating aspects of that leader wanes, wears thin and disappears.
One can be a visionary, energetic, inspire others by virtue of that energy and enthusiasm but if it’s not translated in such a way as to create action and ongoing movement in an organization, helping others grow in the process, a rift forms which can paralyze the effectiveness of that leader, eventually diminishing the overall effectiveness and success of the organization as well.
A leader inspires, communicates his/her vision in such as way as to encompass and harness the uniqueness of those he/she works with. A plan of action is created and those who implement it are left to use their own unique talents to make that vision a reality. A leader does more, learning in the process as he/she collaborates and creates with colleagues, peers and staff. The end effect is everyone involved is pumped, energised and grows exponentially in the process.
A true leader becomes more powerful with people around him/her pulling the organization forward. With each subsequent project the team hones their skills and works like a well-oiled machine working better, faster, more collaboratively.
Organizational leaders who forget their talented people lose the loyalty and excellence those people can bring to the table thereby remaining leaders in name only.
I can’t tell you how many leaders I’ve observed over the years prior to coaching them who are brilliant in their own rights, passionate, energetic yet have no skills at translating those passions well enough to engage their talented resources resulting in anything concrete. They are scattered, unfocused, thinking about and creating the next brilliant idea (and yes, they are brilliant), but because they don’t communicate them well, do much with them, deliverables are few and far between, there is little sense of purpose or accomplishment and slowly but sure the best of the best leave and move on to other organizations.
There is more to leading than throwing ideas around a table. A leader with no one following is not much of a leader.
What do you have to do to make sure that doesn’t happen?
Best…
Donna Karlin
*Note: Welcome subscriber from 49th country……Serbia and Montenegro!
There has been a great deal of talk of late on leadership. Many have completely different views of what characteristics a leader must have. And, like anything else, leaders are only considered such by those who follow. However I liked this quote because it covers more than one realm of what a leader is. One can be inspired and motivated by someone in a position of leadership, however if that vision isn’t translated in such a way as to facilitate movement or growth, eventually the motivating aspects of that leader wanes, wears thin and disappears.
One can be a visionary, energetic, inspire others by virtue of that energy and enthusiasm but if it’s not translated in such a way as to create action and ongoing movement in an organization, helping others grow in the process, a rift forms which can paralyze the effectiveness of that leader, eventually diminishing the overall effectiveness and success of the organization as well.
A leader inspires, communicates his/her vision in such as way as to encompass and harness the uniqueness of those he/she works with. A plan of action is created and those who implement it are left to use their own unique talents to make that vision a reality. A leader does more, learning in the process as he/she collaborates and creates with colleagues, peers and staff. The end effect is everyone involved is pumped, energised and grows exponentially in the process.
A true leader becomes more powerful with people around him/her pulling the organization forward. With each subsequent project the team hones their skills and works like a well-oiled machine working better, faster, more collaboratively.
Organizational leaders who forget their talented people lose the loyalty and excellence those people can bring to the table thereby remaining leaders in name only.
I can’t tell you how many leaders I’ve observed over the years prior to coaching them who are brilliant in their own rights, passionate, energetic yet have no skills at translating those passions well enough to engage their talented resources resulting in anything concrete. They are scattered, unfocused, thinking about and creating the next brilliant idea (and yes, they are brilliant), but because they don’t communicate them well, do much with them, deliverables are few and far between, there is little sense of purpose or accomplishment and slowly but sure the best of the best leave and move on to other organizations.
There is more to leading than throwing ideas around a table. A leader with no one following is not much of a leader.
What do you have to do to make sure that doesn’t happen?
Best…
Donna Karlin
*Note: Welcome subscriber from 49th country……Serbia and Montenegro!
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Pushed vs. Pulled
A good leader inspires others with confidence in him/her; a great leader inspires others with confidence in themselves. You can lead and barely say a word. Leaders inspire by doing, being, living in congruence with their personal values and ethics, showing others they can do the same.
Level or position of power leads by virtue of title, nothing else. It might motivate a person to meet a deadline or get that bonus but does it inspire them to do their best all on their own? Rarely. It gets people from point ‘A’ to point ‘B’ and often leads to burn out. You’re being pushed harder and faster. You’re not being led. Leaders help others pull themselves forward with little or no resistance. Visualise a string. What is more effortless, pushing it or pulling it? Pushing a string, or a person to do your bidding is like being pushed up against a wall. Eventually there is nowhere to go. Pulling yourself forward because you are inspired to do so is almost effortless.
Leaders who inspire people to be their best by virtue of want and choice will be remembered, respected and will have achieved their purpose.
A leader doesn’t mean someone who has a dynamic personality, and it’s not about how many friends or connections you have or how you can talk people into doing something that might serve you. It’s not about false praise which is nothing more than empty flattery. Leadership is inspiring another person to live from the basis of a personal vision, to want to do better for no ‘reason’ at all, to stretch outside their comfort zone because the leader sees their potential and is able to communicate it.
Everyone grows and learns in the process, thus creating new leaders who will in turn lead the rest who might follow. Leadership is lived, not spoken about.
Just as important, because leaders are not determined by level or power, anyone can be a leader, whether for family, friends, co-workers, staff and even supervisors.
And before you might say “I’m not a leader” think for a moment of a time when you did lead someone else, even for one specific event or through a problematic situation. What turned you into a leader then and what will guide you to a position of leadership now?
Best…
Donna Karlin
*Note: Welcome 2 new subscribers from Croatia and Slovenia. Now our 'Perspectives' family of regular readers come from a total of 48 countries!
Level or position of power leads by virtue of title, nothing else. It might motivate a person to meet a deadline or get that bonus but does it inspire them to do their best all on their own? Rarely. It gets people from point ‘A’ to point ‘B’ and often leads to burn out. You’re being pushed harder and faster. You’re not being led. Leaders help others pull themselves forward with little or no resistance. Visualise a string. What is more effortless, pushing it or pulling it? Pushing a string, or a person to do your bidding is like being pushed up against a wall. Eventually there is nowhere to go. Pulling yourself forward because you are inspired to do so is almost effortless.
Leaders who inspire people to be their best by virtue of want and choice will be remembered, respected and will have achieved their purpose.
A leader doesn’t mean someone who has a dynamic personality, and it’s not about how many friends or connections you have or how you can talk people into doing something that might serve you. It’s not about false praise which is nothing more than empty flattery. Leadership is inspiring another person to live from the basis of a personal vision, to want to do better for no ‘reason’ at all, to stretch outside their comfort zone because the leader sees their potential and is able to communicate it.
Everyone grows and learns in the process, thus creating new leaders who will in turn lead the rest who might follow. Leadership is lived, not spoken about.
Just as important, because leaders are not determined by level or power, anyone can be a leader, whether for family, friends, co-workers, staff and even supervisors.
And before you might say “I’m not a leader” think for a moment of a time when you did lead someone else, even for one specific event or through a problematic situation. What turned you into a leader then and what will guide you to a position of leadership now?
Best…
Donna Karlin
*Note: Welcome 2 new subscribers from Croatia and Slovenia. Now our 'Perspectives' family of regular readers come from a total of 48 countries!
Saturday, June 11, 2005
"Don’t ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive, and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." - Harold Thurman Whitman
Recently I was talking to some clients about the difference between motivation and inspiration. It’s a subtle difference in one way but dramatic and powerful in another. Let me explain….
To be motivated means to be pushed by something. What I mean by that is a thing..... tangible, such as money, a promotion, praise, deadlines, bonus, plaque…something specific. Usually it motivates one to do their best (conditionally) because they will be externally rewarded.
On the other hand, inspiration is from within, or an intangible. The best way to describe that is being inspired by another person who never ceases to amaze you, your core values and integrity; the knowledge that through the process you won’t only grow but evolve through your life. Because it’s not conditional on a 'thing', it energizes you. It leaves you in complete control of your forward motion, thereby pulling you forward; much easier than being pushed. Pushing yourself on a regular basis…always trying to meet deadlines, make someone else happy or ‘please the boss’ is a recipe for burnout.
Inspiration creates superconductivity or absence of resistance. There is a flow, an energy and invites you to live by your core values and personal ethics. A great place to be.
The power is simple. Either let some external influence control how you work or live your life, or maintain total control over your choices and ways of being, evolving through a life you invent. Day by day, moment by moment you create your future in the present. Doing this via being inspired, will help you create the life you love and want, rather than living a life based on someone else’s expectations and conditions.
Think about it. Which is you right now. And when is the best time to take stock of what it is you’re doing? If you would change one thing right now, become inspired rather than motivated, what would that change be and what would the effects of that change look like?
All the best....or definitely better : )
Donna Karlin
Recently I was talking to some clients about the difference between motivation and inspiration. It’s a subtle difference in one way but dramatic and powerful in another. Let me explain….
To be motivated means to be pushed by something. What I mean by that is a thing..... tangible, such as money, a promotion, praise, deadlines, bonus, plaque…something specific. Usually it motivates one to do their best (conditionally) because they will be externally rewarded.
On the other hand, inspiration is from within, or an intangible. The best way to describe that is being inspired by another person who never ceases to amaze you, your core values and integrity; the knowledge that through the process you won’t only grow but evolve through your life. Because it’s not conditional on a 'thing', it energizes you. It leaves you in complete control of your forward motion, thereby pulling you forward; much easier than being pushed. Pushing yourself on a regular basis…always trying to meet deadlines, make someone else happy or ‘please the boss’ is a recipe for burnout.
Inspiration creates superconductivity or absence of resistance. There is a flow, an energy and invites you to live by your core values and personal ethics. A great place to be.
The power is simple. Either let some external influence control how you work or live your life, or maintain total control over your choices and ways of being, evolving through a life you invent. Day by day, moment by moment you create your future in the present. Doing this via being inspired, will help you create the life you love and want, rather than living a life based on someone else’s expectations and conditions.
Think about it. Which is you right now. And when is the best time to take stock of what it is you’re doing? If you would change one thing right now, become inspired rather than motivated, what would that change be and what would the effects of that change look like?
All the best....or definitely better : )
Donna Karlin
Sunday, May 29, 2005
Affecting the Quality of the Day
“It is something to be able to paint a particular picture, or to carve a statue, and so make a few objects beautiful; but it is far more glorious to carve and paint the very atmosphere and medium through which we look. To affect the quality of the day----that is the highest of arts.” - Henry David Thoreau
This past week, a time of radical change both in government and leadership, one of my past client’s support staff looked at me when I walked into the room and said “You’re like a drug”. I looked at her puzzled, and said “I’m not sure that’s such a good thing” (smiling) and she answered “YES! It’s a wonderful thing. The minute I see you I calm right down and know it’s going to be a good day after all.” Well, I don’t credit myself to having the magical ability to change a day, however I am honoured she looks as me and the work I do in a way that helps her process the chaos and make some sense out of it. In that respect, I believe I did affect the quality of the day.
Regardless of what is going on around you, you always have the ability to smile and say a kind word; to acknowledge what you appreciate about someone. That too not only affects the quality of the day but how a person processes that one and the next, the next, and the one after that. The ripple effect is far reaching. All it takes is a moment or two. Are you taking advantage of those moments that come your way?
Best!
Donna Karlin
*Note: Welcome subscriber from Georgia. ‘Perspectives’ is honoured to have regular readers from 46 countries!
This past week, a time of radical change both in government and leadership, one of my past client’s support staff looked at me when I walked into the room and said “You’re like a drug”. I looked at her puzzled, and said “I’m not sure that’s such a good thing” (smiling) and she answered “YES! It’s a wonderful thing. The minute I see you I calm right down and know it’s going to be a good day after all.” Well, I don’t credit myself to having the magical ability to change a day, however I am honoured she looks as me and the work I do in a way that helps her process the chaos and make some sense out of it. In that respect, I believe I did affect the quality of the day.
Regardless of what is going on around you, you always have the ability to smile and say a kind word; to acknowledge what you appreciate about someone. That too not only affects the quality of the day but how a person processes that one and the next, the next, and the one after that. The ripple effect is far reaching. All it takes is a moment or two. Are you taking advantage of those moments that come your way?
Best!
Donna Karlin
*Note: Welcome subscriber from Georgia. ‘Perspectives’ is honoured to have regular readers from 46 countries!
Sunday, May 22, 2005
Stress....The Body and Mind's Response
"Stress is the body and mind's response to any stressful pressure that disrupts the balance in the mind or body. It occurs when our perceptions of events don't meet our expectations and we don't manage our reaction to the disappointment. As a response, stress expresses itself as resistance, tension, strain or frustration, that throws off our physiological and psychological equilibrium, keeping us out-of-sync and stressed-out." - Doc Childre and Howard Martin
What magnifies stress even more is when one dwells upon that which upsets them in the first place. Rather than create a future that you want, you dwell on that which you don’t want, starting off a downwards spiral.
For some in the political world, these past few weeks have been a constant unknown. Day to day threats of the opposition bringing down the government, or, at the very least paralyzing it, was the norm. Change right down through the ranks took place hour by hour. For those in positions of leadership, it was a professional living hell.
My role was to work with them to see the perfection in the chaos. No matter what happened, they were challenged to look at the situation as living ‘history in the making’. An exciting time. They would deal with the outcome no matter what. These are intelligent, resourceful people. Rather than dwelling on whether or not they might have a job a few weeks or months down the road, what could they concentrate on that was in their control? What were they learning about themselves in the process what would prove invaluable throughout their lifetime? Then we started to play with the scenarios. Stressful attitudes turned to “I’m up to anything that comes my way and then some” attitudes. They were pumped, focused, energised by what happened moment to moment. My questions almost demanded that they look at themselves from the perspective of what they wanted not what they were getting. How could they build and create their future based on the choices they made right then and there?”
The difference between reacting and responding might be a matter of 10 seconds. Reacting is an immediate answer based on fear, tension and stress. Choice is not a part of the equation. Responding to the same situation is taking a proverbial step back, looking at what's occurring from a global perspective and making an informed choice based on the information you have at that moment in time. It’s positive delay….taking a few moments to calm your thoughts, looking at all perspectives and moving in the direction you need to go to deal with that situation. Responding all but eliminates stress because you have more control.
It grounds you….helps you focus…and from that paradigm you choose and invent your future.
"Realize that now, in this moment of time, you are creating. You are creating your next moment. That is what's real." - Sara Paddison.
Best!
Donna Karlin
What magnifies stress even more is when one dwells upon that which upsets them in the first place. Rather than create a future that you want, you dwell on that which you don’t want, starting off a downwards spiral.
For some in the political world, these past few weeks have been a constant unknown. Day to day threats of the opposition bringing down the government, or, at the very least paralyzing it, was the norm. Change right down through the ranks took place hour by hour. For those in positions of leadership, it was a professional living hell.
My role was to work with them to see the perfection in the chaos. No matter what happened, they were challenged to look at the situation as living ‘history in the making’. An exciting time. They would deal with the outcome no matter what. These are intelligent, resourceful people. Rather than dwelling on whether or not they might have a job a few weeks or months down the road, what could they concentrate on that was in their control? What were they learning about themselves in the process what would prove invaluable throughout their lifetime? Then we started to play with the scenarios. Stressful attitudes turned to “I’m up to anything that comes my way and then some” attitudes. They were pumped, focused, energised by what happened moment to moment. My questions almost demanded that they look at themselves from the perspective of what they wanted not what they were getting. How could they build and create their future based on the choices they made right then and there?”
The difference between reacting and responding might be a matter of 10 seconds. Reacting is an immediate answer based on fear, tension and stress. Choice is not a part of the equation. Responding to the same situation is taking a proverbial step back, looking at what's occurring from a global perspective and making an informed choice based on the information you have at that moment in time. It’s positive delay….taking a few moments to calm your thoughts, looking at all perspectives and moving in the direction you need to go to deal with that situation. Responding all but eliminates stress because you have more control.
It grounds you….helps you focus…and from that paradigm you choose and invent your future.
"Realize that now, in this moment of time, you are creating. You are creating your next moment. That is what's real." - Sara Paddison.
Best!
Donna Karlin
Sunday, May 15, 2005
Political Chaos
All week long I’ve grappled with how to write this blog. I’ve been watching and living in the midst of chaotic political mess in a country not used to such things. I don’t have to have a particular party favourite to look at a group of representatives of the people and wonder what got them into power in the first place when none of them show any leadership whatsoever. It’s more like watching children fight with each other in a school yard and play manipulative games to see who will come out on top. Why they want to come out on top still remains to be seen as what is happening on the Hill doesn’t seem to have anything whatever to do with the will of the Canadian people.
If our party leaders cannot get along, how could we expect it globally? The world is in turmoil. Toss in natural disasters, unrest, poverty, disease and in a country that is usually one of the most peaceful, the leaders are at war with each other.
I know…in a perfect world they would sit down in a locked room and come up with some plan of action that would work for us all. As a Shadow Coach I would love to be there to “do my thing”, however they would need to be open to the possibility that what each of them is doing is unacceptable to the people at large. Do they see that? I would hope.
Chaotic is the perfect definition of what is happening right now. Def. a state of extreme confusion and disorder. It’s also the place where creativity begins… “In simple terms chaos is order without predictability. That is, there are systems, physical and social, that are well understood and yet are fundamentally unpredictable. Thus, chaos is not anarchy or randomness. Chaos is order, but it is order that is "invisible." - T.J. Cartwright
Chaos is creativity in process; the place between the breakdown of the old, and the formation of the new. No matter how we look at what is unfolding, this will be the creation of the new in some form. Watching it happen is history in the making. As a citizen, it’s not an easy thing to watch. As a Shadow or ontological Coach, it’s absolutely fascinating to watch.
There is chaos and then there’s the principle of chaos within leadership. Leaders welcome this kind of chaos because they anticipate the creative process that isn’t far behind. Leaders hone skills within that chaotic environment so they can master the resulting creativity, watch the effects of various outcomes and use them to know which areas to focus on and which to let go of.
They key word here, however is leader.
To use an old cliché, time will tell all.
Best!
Donna Karlin
*Note: Subscribers from 4 more countries have joined the Perspectives readership. Welcome Slovakia, Uruguay, South Africa and Korea. This brings our subscriber total to 45 countries!
If our party leaders cannot get along, how could we expect it globally? The world is in turmoil. Toss in natural disasters, unrest, poverty, disease and in a country that is usually one of the most peaceful, the leaders are at war with each other.
I know…in a perfect world they would sit down in a locked room and come up with some plan of action that would work for us all. As a Shadow Coach I would love to be there to “do my thing”, however they would need to be open to the possibility that what each of them is doing is unacceptable to the people at large. Do they see that? I would hope.
Chaotic is the perfect definition of what is happening right now. Def. a state of extreme confusion and disorder. It’s also the place where creativity begins… “In simple terms chaos is order without predictability. That is, there are systems, physical and social, that are well understood and yet are fundamentally unpredictable. Thus, chaos is not anarchy or randomness. Chaos is order, but it is order that is "invisible." - T.J. Cartwright
Chaos is creativity in process; the place between the breakdown of the old, and the formation of the new. No matter how we look at what is unfolding, this will be the creation of the new in some form. Watching it happen is history in the making. As a citizen, it’s not an easy thing to watch. As a Shadow or ontological Coach, it’s absolutely fascinating to watch.
There is chaos and then there’s the principle of chaos within leadership. Leaders welcome this kind of chaos because they anticipate the creative process that isn’t far behind. Leaders hone skills within that chaotic environment so they can master the resulting creativity, watch the effects of various outcomes and use them to know which areas to focus on and which to let go of.
They key word here, however is leader.
To use an old cliché, time will tell all.
Best!
Donna Karlin
*Note: Subscribers from 4 more countries have joined the Perspectives readership. Welcome Slovakia, Uruguay, South Africa and Korea. This brings our subscriber total to 45 countries!
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