I was talking to someone just the other day about how foolish it is to attach labels to things, people, or situations as good or bad. Once that’s done, everything else that follows tends to be colored by that same brush. If we do that, we might miss a richness of learning, of forming a relationship or exploring the possibilities of a situation that we’ve already dubbed ‘bad’. It really is a foolish thing as what happens in those cases is we filter out everything that might stretch us and help us learn and grow. The ultimate result is we create walls around us that keep us in our own comfort zone and don’t in any way rock the boat of our life.
I look at all the people I meet through the course of the day, at every level of responsibility, and how knowing them and having conversations with them enriches my life exponentially. It’s not about their job or position, it’s about who they are as human beings.
When I led a workshop way back when in my training days, I asked the people in the room to stand in a circle and look around the room to see who the other participants were. This group would end up with buddies through the training so I wanted to see who they would want to pair up with. Human nature is to judge someone by their cover so to speak and to gravitate to the one person you feel you would be the most comfortable with. That wouldn’t have served my purposes at all. So I asked the group to look around and silently choose the person they would want to work with, for superficial reasons only of course as they didn’t know each other. I then told them “After I give you the next set of instructions, I want you to walk over to the person you’re going to choose for whatever your reasons are, ask them to be your partner for this training and then stand next to that person. If someone else reached that individual before you, then choose another."
To tell you this is chaotic is an understatement but there is a method to my madness. I then told the group to walk up to the person in the room they thought would be the one who would stretch them the farthest, the one who would be completely out of their comfort zone. So for example if a woman tended to gravitate to a woman, then she should choose a man and visa versa, or if a person with a scruffy beard intimidated you then choose that person. I wanted those in the room to choose people they don’t often interact with because of a pre-judment or label. The first lesson was to not attach a label on a person without knowing them. Most of the group told me that was the best lesson they learned over all; how they tended to ignore whole groups of people by virtue of how they looked --- a prejudgment.
What or who have you attached a label to where you’re not quite sure why you did in the first place? What would happen if you let go of that judgment?
Should be fascinating to find out, don’t you think?
Best..
Donna Karlin
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Wednesday, January 09, 2008
Connecting Through Language
There are many ways of connecting with people, from our language such as the words we speak to the unspoken language, body movements, stance and eye contact. How we connect with people in real time as opposed to through the written word gives us completely different perspectives. Through writing one can either express more emotion than in real life as the comfort zone of not being face to face gives a modicum of anonymity or can leave out a great deal of emotion which lends a coldness to the correspondence, whether on purpose or not.
It is so easy to second guess or assume what a person is thinking when we don't have them right in front of us and can ask for the meaning behind what they say, that is if there is any ambiguity.
Still, how we present our words, craft sentences and use language to correctly reflect our thoughts, feelings, emotions, opinions and perspectives will determine how deeply we connect with that person. And that's what it's all about isn't it? Defining our relationships and attracting the ones that make the difference between having a good life and an extraordinary one.
If the communication on one part is silence, then the person on the receiving end will definitely make up their own story and usually it's not a good one. People tend to fill in silences with what they're most insecure about. Something to keep in mind. As well, when communicating we need to set a flow and rhythm that will lend to the needs of the relationship itself, on both parts, so that the space of silence isn't filled with what neither of you ultimately want.
The people in my life... family, friends, clients and students know they will hear back from me in a timely manner. I'd much rather have a conversation with any medium I could in order to deepen a relationship and be on the same wavelength than leave someone hanging, assuming the worst and wondering.
Next time you wait for all your answers before getting back to someone, remember they might not be as patient as you are and look elsewhere or move forward with incomplete or wrong information. Communication is a dance of sorts but think of whether or not you want a dance or a walk on the tight rope.
Best...
Donna Karlin
*Note: Speaking of communicating, a fellow blogger from Fast Company Experts writes an amazing column you don't want to miss called Conversation Agent Bookmark it because you're going to end up visiting it often.
It is so easy to second guess or assume what a person is thinking when we don't have them right in front of us and can ask for the meaning behind what they say, that is if there is any ambiguity.
Still, how we present our words, craft sentences and use language to correctly reflect our thoughts, feelings, emotions, opinions and perspectives will determine how deeply we connect with that person. And that's what it's all about isn't it? Defining our relationships and attracting the ones that make the difference between having a good life and an extraordinary one.
If the communication on one part is silence, then the person on the receiving end will definitely make up their own story and usually it's not a good one. People tend to fill in silences with what they're most insecure about. Something to keep in mind. As well, when communicating we need to set a flow and rhythm that will lend to the needs of the relationship itself, on both parts, so that the space of silence isn't filled with what neither of you ultimately want.
The people in my life... family, friends, clients and students know they will hear back from me in a timely manner. I'd much rather have a conversation with any medium I could in order to deepen a relationship and be on the same wavelength than leave someone hanging, assuming the worst and wondering.
Next time you wait for all your answers before getting back to someone, remember they might not be as patient as you are and look elsewhere or move forward with incomplete or wrong information. Communication is a dance of sorts but think of whether or not you want a dance or a walk on the tight rope.
Best...
Donna Karlin
*Note: Speaking of communicating, a fellow blogger from Fast Company Experts writes an amazing column you don't want to miss called Conversation Agent Bookmark it because you're going to end up visiting it often.
Buzz Words
Tom Stern, one of my co-bloggers on Fast Company Experts wrote a blog on Business Buzz Words We Can Safely Get Rid Of that is priceless. To read his hillarious words of wisdom click here
Languaging is everything and this is way too good not to share!
Best..
Donna Karlin
Languaging is everything and this is way too good not to share!
Best..
Donna Karlin
Sunday, January 06, 2008
Leadership: Assumptions or Facts?
I was revisiting many of the comments I've received in the past and they got me thinking….
I heard everything from “Talking about leadership style is a distraction” to analogies re the present Administration to definitive ideas of what makes a leader. These are amazing, insightful comments.
I wonder how many assumptions are made around the term and definition of ‘leader’? One might assume that a leader needs followers. One might assume a leader is brought on board to help evolve an organization. And one might assume that a leader has the ideas, insight and innovation to bring a stagnating organization forward. There are assumptions that leaders have the “ability to see a bigger picture than us and an ability to make meaning for us”. That is definitely not the case, though something most people crave in their leaders.
I could ask 100 people about what they look for in a leader and get 100 different answers. Oh yes, there would be commonalities, but as everyone’s needs differ, so do their needs for what they want in a leader.
A question recently asked is “Do leaders really listen to advice or do they use advice to validate what they already know and want to do?” A great question. To find out the answer I’d have to poll many a leader. You might assume I’m going to pose that question to you (and you would be right)
Listening to advisors and integrating their advice are very different and can really impact a leader’s world. Paying attention to informed advisors can also make or break a leader. I know many in positions of leadership who are known for their experience and level of expertise but that doesn’t mean they have the up to the minute information they need or are up on current trends. No one person has all the information necessary to run an organization. What they need are the right contacts in various areas of expertise to give them what they need when they need it.
As a Shadow Coach™, one of the dynamics I question clients on is when they say “Interesting concept, however I would have done it this way”… and continue to outline their perspectives. When this happens on a regular basis, I challenge my clients to stretch beyond what they know into the world of the unknown to listen for and integrate what they didn’t know.
Great leaders listen to the wisdom of those around them. I’ll go out on a limb to not only say that’s an assumption but a fact. Learning is more than gathering information. It’s being open to realizing you don’t know and will never know all you need to know to lead and operate from that premise.
Your thoughts on this?
Best!
Donna Karlin
**A few notes: Welcome reader from Suriname, 120th country and counting! We're very glad you've joined us and hope you stick around for a long long time.
Many of you are emailing me directly with your insightful comments, which is great! Keep them coming! Now if you posted them as comments on the site, that'll generate more than just my three cents and will create a community dialogue. That way everyone can benefit from your perspectives as well.
Secondly we put out a free newsletter, Perspectives in Brief every other week that is delivered to your in-box or handheld that will give you great tips on the run to run with, pricing breaks for coaching and program launches. Reading time 2 minutes or less. To subscribe, go to www.perspectivesinbrief.com/subscribe
I heard everything from “Talking about leadership style is a distraction” to analogies re the present Administration to definitive ideas of what makes a leader. These are amazing, insightful comments.
I wonder how many assumptions are made around the term and definition of ‘leader’? One might assume that a leader needs followers. One might assume a leader is brought on board to help evolve an organization. And one might assume that a leader has the ideas, insight and innovation to bring a stagnating organization forward. There are assumptions that leaders have the “ability to see a bigger picture than us and an ability to make meaning for us”. That is definitely not the case, though something most people crave in their leaders.
I could ask 100 people about what they look for in a leader and get 100 different answers. Oh yes, there would be commonalities, but as everyone’s needs differ, so do their needs for what they want in a leader.
A question recently asked is “Do leaders really listen to advice or do they use advice to validate what they already know and want to do?” A great question. To find out the answer I’d have to poll many a leader. You might assume I’m going to pose that question to you (and you would be right)
Listening to advisors and integrating their advice are very different and can really impact a leader’s world. Paying attention to informed advisors can also make or break a leader. I know many in positions of leadership who are known for their experience and level of expertise but that doesn’t mean they have the up to the minute information they need or are up on current trends. No one person has all the information necessary to run an organization. What they need are the right contacts in various areas of expertise to give them what they need when they need it.
As a Shadow Coach™, one of the dynamics I question clients on is when they say “Interesting concept, however I would have done it this way”… and continue to outline their perspectives. When this happens on a regular basis, I challenge my clients to stretch beyond what they know into the world of the unknown to listen for and integrate what they didn’t know.
Great leaders listen to the wisdom of those around them. I’ll go out on a limb to not only say that’s an assumption but a fact. Learning is more than gathering information. It’s being open to realizing you don’t know and will never know all you need to know to lead and operate from that premise.
Your thoughts on this?
Best!
Donna Karlin
**A few notes: Welcome reader from Suriname, 120th country and counting! We're very glad you've joined us and hope you stick around for a long long time.
Many of you are emailing me directly with your insightful comments, which is great! Keep them coming! Now if you posted them as comments on the site, that'll generate more than just my three cents and will create a community dialogue. That way everyone can benefit from your perspectives as well.
Secondly we put out a free newsletter, Perspectives in Brief every other week that is delivered to your in-box or handheld that will give you great tips on the run to run with, pricing breaks for coaching and program launches. Reading time 2 minutes or less. To subscribe, go to www.perspectivesinbrief.com/subscribe
Tuesday, December 18, 2007
Perspectives of 2007 and What’s to Come in 2008
It’s that time of year again. Amazing how much was packed into the year and what’s to come for 2008. 2008…. Wow!
As busy as I was in 2006, I was even busier in 2007, but I figured it out. It’s that Time Mastery thing where I really learned to respect time and my life in relation to it. I figured out I do about 30 days work in 20 days. Impossible? No, not at all. It’s working smarter, making better choices, working with clients and in realms that energize me rather than deplete my energy. Nothing will take me from enjoying an amazing personal life as success is life. To me, a successful life is one lived from joy and growth. It’s all of my life, not just one aspect of it.
So let’s recap for a moment. And if I forgot something and you catch it, let me know OK?
I’ve been writing more programs, launched ‘It’s All About You…and Others”, I’m working on a guide for those going through a rough divorce, a coaching methodology perspective so you thrive throughout, I’m doing Time Mastery workshops and working on a virtual program with my friend Donna. Yep…the Donna and Donna team. Scary duo but hey, we’ve been creating some great things…
I’ve been teaching in many parts of the world and loving it. I was elected to the Board of the International Consortium for Coaching in Organizations and the Board of Governors for the International Association of Coaching. Those positions are a huge honor for me as they are at the cutting edge of Coaching in Organizations and credentialing based on Mastery in our field.
I’m working with clients who are global leaders and continually blow me away at their authenticity even in positions of power (and yes! they can and do co-exist).
I’m wearing many hats, that of Executive Coach, Shadow Coach, Teacher, Lecturer, Participants in Research and Development and Think Tanks, collaborating with some amazing colleagues, writing both articles and program content, became an expert on SelfGrowth.com, have developed quite the readership for my Fast Company Experts Blog, am now a part of Faith Popcorn’s TalentBank, still working with Microsoft Vision Team to look at the life/balance and context of technology.
The new year will bring me to new parts of the globe as I teach my Shadow Coaching model to Master coaches from all over the world. I’ll be writing more, picking and choosing the clients I want to work with, and helping design international symposia. I’ll be looking at identifying rising stars and helping them evolve into their level of excellence. It’s not only about succession planning…it’s about growing new talent and helping the next wave of leadership slide into roles they are really ready for. As corny as it might sound to some of you, I’ll be looking to see how I can make a difference in the world. It’ll mean strategic choices as well as paying attention to how I could have the biggest ripple effect. And I’m going to help grow the practices of future Master Coaches so they thrive and have prosperous practices. It’s not only about teaching what it is I do….it’s about helping them create sustainable, thriving practices where they can do what they do best and grow their businesses at the same time.
It’s time I shared more. It’s making strategic choices in that as well as let’s face it, I can’t be everywhere at once. But just as my work is laser, so can my mentoring sessions be as well.
I don’t make new year’s resolutions. I do, however set intentions as for me, they’re a lot more powerful and do-able. My main intention for 2008 is to make sure I always have time for the people in my life ....and life!
And to you all, I wish you a happy new year, filled with possibilities, and choices, not out of obligation but joy. May you grow, experience life to the fullest rather than just exist through it and may you realize how you touch everyone around you, known and unknown to you in a profound way. It’s how you choose to touch them that will determine what that might mean to them and for you.
I wish you the best of 2008 and beyond.
Donna Karlin
***Note: For tips on the run to run with, and to be the first to know about program launches and special pricing packages, subscribe to our free newsletter Perspectives in Brief; 2 minutes reading time or less, delivered every other Tuesday directly to your inbox, BlackBerry or handheld.
As busy as I was in 2006, I was even busier in 2007, but I figured it out. It’s that Time Mastery thing where I really learned to respect time and my life in relation to it. I figured out I do about 30 days work in 20 days. Impossible? No, not at all. It’s working smarter, making better choices, working with clients and in realms that energize me rather than deplete my energy. Nothing will take me from enjoying an amazing personal life as success is life. To me, a successful life is one lived from joy and growth. It’s all of my life, not just one aspect of it.
So let’s recap for a moment. And if I forgot something and you catch it, let me know OK?
I’ve been writing more programs, launched ‘It’s All About You…and Others”, I’m working on a guide for those going through a rough divorce, a coaching methodology perspective so you thrive throughout, I’m doing Time Mastery workshops and working on a virtual program with my friend Donna. Yep…the Donna and Donna team. Scary duo but hey, we’ve been creating some great things…
I’ve been teaching in many parts of the world and loving it. I was elected to the Board of the International Consortium for Coaching in Organizations and the Board of Governors for the International Association of Coaching. Those positions are a huge honor for me as they are at the cutting edge of Coaching in Organizations and credentialing based on Mastery in our field.
I’m working with clients who are global leaders and continually blow me away at their authenticity even in positions of power (and yes! they can and do co-exist).
I’m wearing many hats, that of Executive Coach, Shadow Coach, Teacher, Lecturer, Participants in Research and Development and Think Tanks, collaborating with some amazing colleagues, writing both articles and program content, became an expert on SelfGrowth.com, have developed quite the readership for my Fast Company Experts Blog, am now a part of Faith Popcorn’s TalentBank, still working with Microsoft Vision Team to look at the life/balance and context of technology.
The new year will bring me to new parts of the globe as I teach my Shadow Coaching model to Master coaches from all over the world. I’ll be writing more, picking and choosing the clients I want to work with, and helping design international symposia. I’ll be looking at identifying rising stars and helping them evolve into their level of excellence. It’s not only about succession planning…it’s about growing new talent and helping the next wave of leadership slide into roles they are really ready for. As corny as it might sound to some of you, I’ll be looking to see how I can make a difference in the world. It’ll mean strategic choices as well as paying attention to how I could have the biggest ripple effect. And I’m going to help grow the practices of future Master Coaches so they thrive and have prosperous practices. It’s not only about teaching what it is I do….it’s about helping them create sustainable, thriving practices where they can do what they do best and grow their businesses at the same time.
It’s time I shared more. It’s making strategic choices in that as well as let’s face it, I can’t be everywhere at once. But just as my work is laser, so can my mentoring sessions be as well.
I don’t make new year’s resolutions. I do, however set intentions as for me, they’re a lot more powerful and do-able. My main intention for 2008 is to make sure I always have time for the people in my life ....and life!
And to you all, I wish you a happy new year, filled with possibilities, and choices, not out of obligation but joy. May you grow, experience life to the fullest rather than just exist through it and may you realize how you touch everyone around you, known and unknown to you in a profound way. It’s how you choose to touch them that will determine what that might mean to them and for you.
I wish you the best of 2008 and beyond.
Donna Karlin
***Note: For tips on the run to run with, and to be the first to know about program launches and special pricing packages, subscribe to our free newsletter Perspectives in Brief; 2 minutes reading time or less, delivered every other Tuesday directly to your inbox, BlackBerry or handheld.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
Reacting? Responding? Is There a Difference?
Of course there's a difference. There's a huge difference even in the subtleties.
"People limit themselves without realizing it by reacting to situations, rather than responding and broadening their horizons."
That statement is one of many in a new program we launched this past year called "It's All About You...and Others". It's been tweaked, proofed and reviewed and is now being tackled by participants all over the world. Out of the 26 segments of this mini self-coaching course, this one statement is pushing more buttons than any other, and let me tell you, as a self-awareness behavioral course, there are a lot of very edgy truths besides this one that one might think would push more buttons than this.
Perhaps it's taking responsibility for how we react to situations that are out of our comfort zone and then get angry and react in the process or perhaps it's an in your face "look at when you react and act yourself why" question that comes to mind.
I'd love to hear how you look at a statement like that and how, if at all, it might apply in the context of your world. That's what it's all about, though isn't it? Awareness of self and our place in our world.
What's your immediate gut reaction to this?
Inquiring minds (or coaches in this case) would love to know.
Best!
Donna Karlin
*Note: Check out this new article about my work as a Shadow Coach™ in Personal Success Magazine called "Why I Shadow My Clients' by Mary-Louise Cook
"People limit themselves without realizing it by reacting to situations, rather than responding and broadening their horizons."
That statement is one of many in a new program we launched this past year called "It's All About You...and Others". It's been tweaked, proofed and reviewed and is now being tackled by participants all over the world. Out of the 26 segments of this mini self-coaching course, this one statement is pushing more buttons than any other, and let me tell you, as a self-awareness behavioral course, there are a lot of very edgy truths besides this one that one might think would push more buttons than this.
Perhaps it's taking responsibility for how we react to situations that are out of our comfort zone and then get angry and react in the process or perhaps it's an in your face "look at when you react and act yourself why" question that comes to mind.
I'd love to hear how you look at a statement like that and how, if at all, it might apply in the context of your world. That's what it's all about, though isn't it? Awareness of self and our place in our world.
What's your immediate gut reaction to this?
Inquiring minds (or coaches in this case) would love to know.
Best!
Donna Karlin
*Note: Check out this new article about my work as a Shadow Coach™ in Personal Success Magazine called "Why I Shadow My Clients' by Mary-Louise Cook
Sunday, December 02, 2007
We Know What We Know…Doesn’t Everybody?
I was recently reading a book summary for “Made to Stick: Why Some Ideas Survive and Others Die” and as I had recently read “The Tipping Point” where they talk about stickiness as well, the topic of this book intrigued me. I was fascinated by this not to promote a product, but to help me in my work laser coaching my clients through chaotic days. This concept helped me articulate a snapshot of a moment in time in such a way they’d not only see it but ‘get it’.
I just returned from Washington D.C. doing a training for The School of Shadow Coaching™. My goal was for the participants to know what I do so intricately, they would not only get it but could walk away using it in their day to day practices. The first step to get my concepts across was to ask them to park all assumptions about what they had already learned...what they already knew. There were two reasons behind this: 1) so that they wouldn't keep trying to 'fit' what I do into what they had already learned and instead look at how they could add it to what they already knew and 2) that they would all be on the same page because even though these were experienced coaches, they all didn't know what the others knew. This way they would be learning one methodology and then align it with their current ways of practicing.
To get back to the summary, something really hit home when Chip Heath and Dan Heath stated “To strip an idea down to its core, we must be masters of exclusion. We must relentlessly prioritize. Saying something short isn’t the mission — sound bites aren’t the ideal. Proverbs are the ideal. We must create ideas that are both simple and profound. A one-sentence statement so profound that an individual could spend a lifetime learning it…. Once we know something, we find it hard to imagine what it’s like not to know it. Our knowledge has “cursed” us.”
It then occurred to me that many people are cursed by their knowledge as they can’t fathom why others don’t see things as they do because it’s obvious, right? ‘Knowing’ becomes a filter through which ideas are shared and instructions given but if the other party has no idea of what you're talking about, there is an immediate disconnect. That was another key aspect of the training; looking at filters, both ours as coaches and our client's filters, acknowledging them and working with them.
As much as I dislike assumptions and how they get people into trouble, what would it mean if we assumed others didn’t know what we knew? If we started off with that premise, how much easier would it be to have generative dialogue and create something that not only stuck but just might be sustainable?
This was an extraordinary group, coming together from all parts of the US and Canada; seasoned, experienced coaches.... practitioners in various fields of expertise with different clientele. They all parked their assumptions and came together to learn, to grow and to work with each other to help integrate that learning so they could broaden the scope of their practices.
It was magical! But learning is magical, don't you think?
Best..
Donna Karlin
*Note: Welcome 117th subscriber from the US Virgin Islands!
I just returned from Washington D.C. doing a training for The School of Shadow Coaching™. My goal was for the participants to know what I do so intricately, they would not only get it but could walk away using it in their day to day practices. The first step to get my concepts across was to ask them to park all assumptions about what they had already learned...what they already knew. There were two reasons behind this: 1) so that they wouldn't keep trying to 'fit' what I do into what they had already learned and instead look at how they could add it to what they already knew and 2) that they would all be on the same page because even though these were experienced coaches, they all didn't know what the others knew. This way they would be learning one methodology and then align it with their current ways of practicing.
To get back to the summary, something really hit home when Chip Heath and Dan Heath stated “To strip an idea down to its core, we must be masters of exclusion. We must relentlessly prioritize. Saying something short isn’t the mission — sound bites aren’t the ideal. Proverbs are the ideal. We must create ideas that are both simple and profound. A one-sentence statement so profound that an individual could spend a lifetime learning it…. Once we know something, we find it hard to imagine what it’s like not to know it. Our knowledge has “cursed” us.”
It then occurred to me that many people are cursed by their knowledge as they can’t fathom why others don’t see things as they do because it’s obvious, right? ‘Knowing’ becomes a filter through which ideas are shared and instructions given but if the other party has no idea of what you're talking about, there is an immediate disconnect. That was another key aspect of the training; looking at filters, both ours as coaches and our client's filters, acknowledging them and working with them.
As much as I dislike assumptions and how they get people into trouble, what would it mean if we assumed others didn’t know what we knew? If we started off with that premise, how much easier would it be to have generative dialogue and create something that not only stuck but just might be sustainable?
This was an extraordinary group, coming together from all parts of the US and Canada; seasoned, experienced coaches.... practitioners in various fields of expertise with different clientele. They all parked their assumptions and came together to learn, to grow and to work with each other to help integrate that learning so they could broaden the scope of their practices.
It was magical! But learning is magical, don't you think?
Best..
Donna Karlin
*Note: Welcome 117th subscriber from the US Virgin Islands!
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