A Precious Commodity Called 'Space'

Space. Was your first reaction to the word accommodations? Office space? Closet or cupboard space? For many storage space is at a premium so that’s the first thing that comes to mind.

That is not the space I’m referring to. I’m talking about space of time.

I’m currently working on a Time Mastery program that looks at time. It’s not about cramming more into a day than you did before, or scheduling, using a PDA or BlackBerry. It’s about time, the concept of time and how we respect it and ourselves in relation to time. We’re in the midst of looking at leaders and how they seem to fly through their days, directing, delegating, strategizing, making decisions and yes, calling endless back to back meetings.

So I took some time to look at time and see its dynamics. I then started asking my clients what they thought of first when they heard the term “buying time”. In one way or another, the answers revolved around having more time to do things, see things, to play and shelve work for the time being. It was hearing “I wish I could clone myself so I could do more” and “I wish I had more time to…”

Truthfully it had nothing whatsoever to do with having more time or saving time so something else could be slotted into that chunk of time. Rather, what they weren’t saying but meant was they wished they had time. Extra time. Unplanned time. They wanted space….nothingness, quiet time, time to just be, to let the thoughts fly in any direction, to think, imagine and explore possibility.

They wanted creative time, time to conceptualize, to strategize, to play, learn, and get to know others. They wanted time to unwind and relax. Many had forgotten how. They couldn’t remember the last time they just relaxed or didn’t rush to do something else in that tiny bit of time that appeared unexpectedly. They felt guilty if they took time for themselves, so they didn’t. Instead they did something for someone else or worked. Time, 'space', is such a precious commodity, heaven forbid they couldn’t waste it! And was doing nothing or planning nothing during that short period actually be wasting time or valuing it and themselves? Relaxing? What’s that? They didn’t remember how to relax. They were wired all the time, literally and figuratively.

People don’t know how to do nothing. They forgot how.

"Slow down and enjoy life. It's not the only the scenery you miss by going to fast-you also miss the sense of where you are going and why." -Eddie Cantor

Best!
Donna Karlin

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Rules to Live By

I came across an article by Bob Parsons where he talks about the 16 Rules he tries to live by. I thought it was brilliantly written and certainly an eye opener for anyone in any line of work, no line of work, trying to get a handle on life as, in some cases it seems to be getting away from them. If you're trying to get a handle on your life, then who or what is in control of it right now?

I would encourage all of you to read his rules and see if and how they're applicable to what you might be living. In the meantime I'd like to share my rules for getting the best in life, as they apply to life, work, relationships -- any and all aspects of putting life in perspective.

•Get the job done
•Recognize feelings, issues and circumstances that might stand in the way
•Rule 3 is Rule 2 NEVER gets in the way of Rule 1

Getting the job done might be keeping a commitment, or finishing a personal or professional goal for example. No matter what it is, remember intentions equal results. If you intend to do something, feel something, complete something, it will happen...good, bad or indifferent.

How many times have you let petty differences, circumstances, 'Doubting Thomases' get in the way? If you let others hold you back, then you will be held back. Simple! Which brings me to Bob's rule 12 (Never let anybody push you around). I tell people "If you give your personal power away to someone you least respect at that moment in time, or don't respect at all, what does that say about how you respect and value yourself?"

And when you read Bob's rules, my favorites are 3 (when you're ready to quit, you're close than you think), 7 (Always be moving forward). I think they're all wonderfully relevant. What do you think?

Best!
Donna Karlin

Avoiding Success

People will change their behavior when it suits them, not anyone else. When you choose change, you don’t get involved in the content of the process.....you DIRECT the process!

Only you can change your attitude; others can only motivate or hinder you. On the other hand you may be your own worst enemy. When you talk yourself out of change and then wonder why your life isn't turning out the way you want it to, it's something to pay attention to. People change for their own reasons, not for anyone else's. But when you don't change behaviours that don't serve you, there's no one to blame but yourself.

So for a change, I'd like you to try something that has proven very effective as a wake-up call.

Instead of listing all the ways you can be successful, I'm going to try something I use with some difficult staffers. When I'm working with a group and there's a doubting Thomas in their midst I usually ask them to "Tell me every reason in the book this is not going to work so we can get all the scepticism out of the way". Well on a similar note:

How can you avoid being successful this week? What could you let hinder you in your desire to be more productive, learn and grow? List the first ten that come to mind, then go back and number them in order of their probability of appearing.

Then take a good hard look at this list and see if any one of those entries is worthy enough of sabotaging your success.

Best, always!
Donna Karlin

*Note: Welcome 122nd subscriber from Tajikistan. Make yourself welcome!

Scrambling

def. a quick climb or progression over rough, irregular ground.

That says it perfectly.

I'm scrambling. It's not that things are rough. On the contrary. Everything I'm being bombarded with is amazing! That, for me is even harder than when I'm dealing with a challenge. When the new year began, I told a friend of mine that I had this feeling 2008 was going to be an amazing year for everyone. I'm not sure why. It was a gut feeling. And so far it's surpassed even that. Opportunities are flying towards me. Both my personal and professional lives are better than I could have ever imagined. "So what's the problem?" you might ask.

For a while, like many others in my life I was trying to fit everything in. After all, how could I turn down some amazing opportunities and travel? It isn't easy. First, however I'm very happy one of my work partners in crime is as level headed as me when it comes to doing reality checks. When I feel overwhelmed with opportunity, I call him and process it. This time we both decided that as enticing a trip to Geneva might be, it just wasn't worth the cost, both financial and time away. Instead we decided to design something for the future that would work. One more trip cancelled and a little more breathing space to relax into.

Two questions I've been asking myself and they might just work for you. "What work do I really have to do (and want to do, as I don't do any work I don't want to jump into with both feet)" and "What work do I absolute have to NOT do?" That's the harder one, especially when it's enticing.

For me, I've decided anything I end up doing with John will be amazing because I'll learn in the process and as our styles compliment each other so well, I know the synergy will be there. So why scramble? I'd much rather be in control of the chaos of my life, to the extent I can. I also want to have time for my life life as in my non-professional life. If there's no time to play, it's just not worth it.

Who is your reality checker? Do you even have one? Someone without a hidden agenda who could help you get a handle on your life? If you don't pick one...and choose wisely as that person will help shape your future.

Best!
Donna Karlin

Daring to Imagine

It’s been a very busy time for me as a Shadow Coach™. One of the things I love being able to do as I run from client to client is to ‘hang out’ in an office space between sessions and observe what’s going on. For many the routine is way too repetitive and they lose a sense of adventure in their day to day worlds. Can they dare to imagine they can have a different life? Many don’t even want to ‘go there’ as if they’re disappointed their life will seem even more mundane than it was before.

What if you did dare, though? What if you realized your life could be as great as you imagined and then some if you just gave yourself the freedom to explore what’s possible and the presence of mind to look at the life you’re living right now through new eyes?

Rabindranath Tagore says “Do not say,"it is morning," and dismiss it with a name of yesterday. See it for the first time as a newborn child that has no name.” Make it something new, create and learn something new, regardless of circumstance. I really mean it when I say I can’t wait to jump into the deep end of every day. Because of that I have met the most extraordinary people some of whom have changed and enriched my life a thousand fold. If I didn’t take that chance I would never have known. I’d never know what I was missing as all that would be left would be a boxed in existence. I’d never know what I’ve yet to imagine because until I take those chances I don’t know what that might look like.

We live in our worlds…the worlds we know and are comfortable in. Just think of how much we’re not paying attention to along the way and unless we make a conscious choice to look further, live in a broader world we won’t know what there is. Daring to imagine brings it all front and center. Nothing is impossible. Remember that. It’s just how to get there that you have to figure out, and oh…is it ever worth it!

Best..
Donna Karlin

*Note: Welcome 121st country subscriber from Bolivia! We hope you enjoy what you read and stay awhile.

Attaching Labels to Things

I was talking to someone just the other day about how foolish it is to attach labels to things, people, or situations as good or bad. Once that’s done, everything else that follows tends to be colored by that same brush. If we do that, we might miss a richness of learning, of forming a relationship or exploring the possibilities of a situation that we’ve already dubbed ‘bad’. It really is a foolish thing as what happens in those cases is we filter out everything that might stretch us and help us learn and grow. The ultimate result is we create walls around us that keep us in our own comfort zone and don’t in any way rock the boat of our life.

I look at all the people I meet through the course of the day, at every level of responsibility, and how knowing them and having conversations with them enriches my life exponentially. It’s not about their job or position, it’s about who they are as human beings.

When I led a workshop way back when in my training days, I asked the people in the room to stand in a circle and look around the room to see who the other participants were. This group would end up with buddies through the training so I wanted to see who they would want to pair up with. Human nature is to judge someone by their cover so to speak and to gravitate to the one person you feel you would be the most comfortable with. That wouldn’t have served my purposes at all. So I asked the group to look around and silently choose the person they would want to work with, for superficial reasons only of course as they didn’t know each other. I then told them “After I give you the next set of instructions, I want you to walk over to the person you’re going to choose for whatever your reasons are, ask them to be your partner for this training and then stand next to that person. If someone else reached that individual before you, then choose another."

To tell you this is chaotic is an understatement but there is a method to my madness. I then told the group to walk up to the person in the room they thought would be the one who would stretch them the farthest, the one who would be completely out of their comfort zone. So for example if a woman tended to gravitate to a woman, then she should choose a man and visa versa, or if a person with a scruffy beard intimidated you then choose that person. I wanted those in the room to choose people they don’t often interact with because of a pre-judment or label. The first lesson was to not attach a label on a person without knowing them. Most of the group told me that was the best lesson they learned over all; how they tended to ignore whole groups of people by virtue of how they looked --- a prejudgment.

What or who have you attached a label to where you’re not quite sure why you did in the first place? What would happen if you let go of that judgment?

Should be fascinating to find out, don’t you think?

Best..
Donna Karlin

Connecting Through Language

There are many ways of connecting with people, from our language such as the words we speak to the unspoken language, body movements, stance and eye contact. How we connect with people in real time as opposed to through the written word gives us completely different perspectives. Through writing one can either express more emotion than in real life as the comfort zone of not being face to face gives a modicum of anonymity or can leave out a great deal of emotion which lends a coldness to the correspondence, whether on purpose or not.

It is so easy to second guess or assume what a person is thinking when we don't have them right in front of us and can ask for the meaning behind what they say, that is if there is any ambiguity.

Still, how we present our words, craft sentences and use language to correctly reflect our thoughts, feelings, emotions, opinions and perspectives will determine how deeply we connect with that person. And that's what it's all about isn't it? Defining our relationships and attracting the ones that make the difference between having a good life and an extraordinary one.

If the communication on one part is silence, then the person on the receiving end will definitely make up their own story and usually it's not a good one. People tend to fill in silences with what they're most insecure about. Something to keep in mind. As well, when communicating we need to set a flow and rhythm that will lend to the needs of the relationship itself, on both parts, so that the space of silence isn't filled with what neither of you ultimately want.

The people in my life... family, friends, clients and students know they will hear back from me in a timely manner. I'd much rather have a conversation with any medium I could in order to deepen a relationship and be on the same wavelength than leave someone hanging, assuming the worst and wondering.

Next time you wait for all your answers before getting back to someone, remember they might not be as patient as you are and look elsewhere or move forward with incomplete or wrong information. Communication is a dance of sorts but think of whether or not you want a dance or a walk on the tight rope.

Best...
Donna Karlin

*Note: Speaking of communicating, a fellow blogger from Fast Company Experts writes an amazing column you don't want to miss called Conversation Agent Bookmark it because you're going to end up visiting it often.