Extraordinary Things in an Ordinary Day

Years ago I came upon the book "Romancing the Ordinary: A Year of Simple Splendour" by Sarah Ban Breathnach. To quote Sarah, "I had discovered the miracle of the sacred in the ordinary." This book became a reality check for me. I read it every year and as it's laid out in a seasonal format, a great way to see whether or not the choices I'm making from day to day honour the gifts a so called ordinary day brings to me.

I remember years ago when my father was first diagnosed with cancer and was so overwhelmed, he wanted to disconnect and give up. I asked him and my mother as well, to let me know 5 extraordinary things in an ordinary day. I started doing that myself, quietly, silently, but paying attention to the people who come into my life by chance, to the learning that is unexpected and for the ways I can give back.

I also find I'm pushing myself to make choices I might not have made if I didn't ask myself, "If I do this, what might I experience or learn that I wouldn't any other way? What impact might this have?" A few days ago, my neighbour of 30 years passed away. I knew I could ring the bell and visit with the family at any time; they live 2 doors away, so really didn't need to go to the visitation. My day was jam packed to say the least but I had a one hour window where I could go to the funeral home and pay my respects. He was a beloved doctor in the city who had touched many, many lives so I knew the visitation would be busy and they wouldn't necessarily miss me if I didn't go. So I went.

If I hadn't gone, I would have missed amazing conversations and perspectives of my neighbour I would never have experienced any other way. They might not have missed me if I weren't there but they were so grateful that I was. I met his siblings and heard stories about him through them. I heard about their lives growing up on a farm and what happened with them and their kids over time.

It was a beautiful hour. I can still see the smiles on their faces as I shared some of how he had touched our lives over the years.

So every day I ask myself, "What extraordinary thing happened in an ordinary day?" and have decided to share them with you and ask that you do the same. I would love to hear what delighted you, surprised you, or gave you an inner smile if you'll share.

1. I reconnected with someone I haven't seen for 45 years since camp.

2. I wished my mother a fabulous day (she's a fabulous mom!).

3. I woke up to the love of my life (albeit at 3:30 am) which always gives me a smile, even if he's fast asleep and can't see it!

4. I took a half hour to sit outside under the trees listen to the birds, clear my head and consciously chose what to put my energy towards for the day.

5. Helped spread the word about my brother who is searching for meaningful work.

And one extra: Eagerly anticipating hearing from you about what's extraordinary in your ordinary day.

May it be a great one!

One Day I'll be Ready

"One day I'll be ready..." I hear this statement every day from clients, friends or family. "I'll be ready for that vacation when..." One day I'll be ready to change my job" and so it goes.

If you're saying "One day I'll be ready" then you're already ready. It's not a matter of figuring out when that day will be. It's a matter of looking at what is standing in your way right now for taking the plunge, and seeing how you can remove those roadblocks. Most of all it's no longer listening to the voices in your head telling you that you don't measure up or that the realization of one's innermost dreams happens to others but not to you, a regular kinda person.

Memories, Intentions and Wishes

"The sense of smell can be extraordinarily evocative, bringing back pictures as sharp as photographs of scenes that had left the conscious mind."  - Thalassa Cruso

I love this time of year when, after a fresh snowfall, the trees sparkle in the sunlight and our boots make that squeaky crunching sound. Last year I wrote about scent-triggered memories of our time in the country. I make a point of revisiting it, as a reminder of what is so precious in our lives…the gift of time to create these kinds of memories. So many of these traditions are carried on in our home today.

We still bake and cook up a storm as family and friends come in for the holidays. Meals and stories are shared, as is laughter and happy tears in the telling of them. Some of the mental snapshots are brought back by the scent of the snow-covered pines that wrap around the house, the smell of cinnamon and chocolate, slow-cooked stews and spiced orange cakes fill the house with the scent of home, present and past. A new puzzle is ready to go so anyone coming into the house can find that piece we'd been looking for for what seemed like hours. Music, well, music is always a part of our home as we listen to oldies, hum as we putter, and all in all, create the space we need to enjoy, share and make new memories to share in the future.

As the new year dawns, it's time for me to set some intentions.  I've been thinking long and hard on what they need to be in order to craft a great year and here is what I came up with...

I intend:
·    to remember that life is not black or white, all or nothing;
·    to do what really matters and make smart choices for how to use my time and money in the best possible way;
·    to mentor more…teach more;
·    to ask people to share their stories and learn more about life and living through their experiences;
·    to continuously learn; and
·    to protect and cherish the "space" I create in my life to live and enjoy life with those I love so we can create new wonderful memories in the making.

So for the year to come, I encourage you to look at everyday moments as extraordinary. Celebrate the small things as much as the huge ones, let people celebrate you, give to you and pamper you even just a little…then a little more and remember to reciprocate. Pay attention to who's around you, what's around you and what you surround yourself with (thoughts, feelings, people and experiences), for those choices will create what your life will be. 

Question things. Recognise you might not always get the answer and might have to live in the questions, but that's OK too. I wish you a fresh, sparkling new year filled with joy, a newfound awareness of yourself and others, good health and the realization of your deepest and innermost dreams.

Best,
Donna

15 Tips to Live 2012 Intentionally

Many of my clients talk to me about making New Year's resolutions to bring about change in their lives, professionally and personally. I don't think we can separate the two. We live life by intention, either actively or passively. Intentions = results. It's not about resolutions that might get left by the wayside....it's about what do you intend to do about how you hold yourself, make choices and interrelate that will create the shifts you want to see happen? Here are (in my book) 15 absolutes. If you adopt even some of them, shifts will occur. If you adopt all of them, the shifts will be dramatic.

1. If you make a commitment, keep it.  If you can't honor it, then don't make it in the first place. That means considering what you have the capacity to do before committing. Which leads to...
2. Don't take something on unless you can do it fully. It will not only negatively impact your reputation for excellence but take time, focus, energy and money away from what you could be doing really well.
3. Let go of what others can do as well or better than you. Stick to what you're masterful at. Why be one of a million when you can be one in a million?
4. Figure out what you have to let go of in order to free up space for opportunities. Too many opportunities are missed because they're put on the back burner for when you "have time". Too many opportunities are missed because you're so bogged down you didn't see them in the first place.
5. Get out of your realm. See what other people are doing and living. Yes, hone your skills by being a continuous learner but check in with those you impact by the work you do. That's the best way to know what shifts you have to make to serve them better and, in turn, you'll be better for it. That's the road to mastery.
6. Try something new every day…a food, another genre of music, speak to someone you've never spoken to before…..then reflect on the experience and learning.
7. Say thank you.
8. Ask someone to share their story. 
9. Book at least 15 minutes a day for reflective thought. 30 minutes is better.
10. Figure out what limiting belief (one at a time) is holding you back. Then figure out what you have to do to let go of it. If you need help with that, get it. Holding on to limiting beliefs won't serve you. Period.
11. Whatever you do for others, do it from choice not obligation. Both of you will know the difference.
12. Do what really matters. Don't do what doesn't.
13. Simplify. Just because life might be complex, it doesn't mean it has to be overly complicated.
14. Give the gift of presence. If you're with someone, be with them.
15. Take risks.  Playing it safe isn't playing at all.

Reality = Real People Doing Real Things

A great post by Max Mckeown about Strategy for the Real World. Ties in beautifully with the perspectives of a Human-Based Leader™. Real issues, real people, real impact and so on. Max says "Organizations are (often) incapable of carrying out the sophisticated strategies they have developed. Strategy planning takes place in a fantasy world. Action takes place in the real world. Strategy planning (too often) happens on away days and in board rooms. Strategy is the thing that senior managers do. It’s the thing that huge consultancies do behind closed doors. Reality is about real people doing real things."

Read on... 

The real world is about growing people or demolishing them, supporting them or using them as your ladder to get to the top. It's about choice and how you decide you're going to treat people and hold yourself when it comes to your leadership.

Making a Decision

What's stopping you from starting something? Are you looking at every possible reason why something won't work or are you looking at every possibility as to why it will. What would be the worst thing that might happen if you dive in and just do it?

Waiting until "Condition Perfect"? Perfect time, perfect audience, perfect customers, perfect economy....

I don't know about you but the last time all the stars were aligned so everything was perfect was, well actually...never. I prefer to dive in as what I have to offer will be perfect timing, perfect audience...perfect for some.

No time like the present. A way to get started is with Seth Godin's Poke the Box. Click here for the accompanying free workbook.

Ignorance Can Be a Good Thing

How many times have you heard “Knowledge is power”? Knowledge can also kill your power.

One of the most difficult roadblocks to get past with my clients is when they become successful. Many many years ago I used to do an exercise with my clients on SMART goals (specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and tangible). They used to set short term and long term goals. When they reached their half way point, way too often they would back off and plateau. This wasn’t the kind of plateau that George Leonard speaks about when he says you achieve mastery while plateauing; it’s the kind of plateau where you hit a brick wall and start regressing because something inside you says “I never thought I’d ever get this far. Maybe I should quit while I’m ahead and not press my luck”. Sound familiar?

Luck has nothing to do with it. My clients achieve success because of hard work, determination and an energy that won’t get them down. Sometimes the process can bring you down and sometimes too much information can stop you dead as well. What do you have to pay attention to and what shouldn't you pay attention to?

I’m not stating this is the only way to go and that it would work for the masses (caveat ahead of time). For years I’ve been asked about my business plan. “What is your 5 or 10 year business plan so you can measure your success against it?” How many set goals for themselves that seem realistic but they’re sidetracked, make new decisions to go in a different direction or decide they wanted to make new choices in their lives? Then along come friends, colleagues and family members who ask “Whatever ever happened to….?” and self-confidence flies out the window as you find yourself making excuses as to why you’re not already successful.

How many set goals and plans for themselves and miss incredible opportunities along the way? If I had stuck to “the plan” half of the amazing opportunities that have presented themselves over the years would have been tossed aside or completely ignored.

Starting out, many who are now successful leaders didn’t necessarily have all the knowledge they needed to start a company or dive into a profession but their passions guided them there. As they didn’t gather the data or speak to so called experts who would tell them it couldn’t happen, it didn’t occur to them that it couldn’t happen. Rather they knew they would do all they needed to do to make things happen.

When I broke away from being an associate with a large national company I didn’t look for all the data that would back up why I would fail on my own. I didn’t look at statistics or gather reams of information. What I did do was listen to what the needs were of the people around me and figure out what I could do to meet those needs and then some. For me, ignorance with regards to the business piece of my practice was bliss and because of that every year I reach a new high in my work and my life.

You could either look at all the ‘why nots’ or say “Why not?” Choice is yours. Next time you have the opportunity to meet with someone successful in their field, ask them how much was planned and how much just happened. And if you’d like to share some of that with us, great. We’d love to hear!

Best...
Donna Karlin

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Making Distinctions

Discrimination: def "Treatment or consideration of, or making a distinction in favour of or against, a person or thing based on the group, class, or category to which that person or thing belongs rather than on individual merit."

Lives take shape in ways we cannot always predict or fathom. People are complex creatures with a myriad of ways to look at life. Few embrace life as is without placing judgment as good or bad, comfortable with or fearful of…the blacks and whites of this world with little grey… Most people see life from a perspective of their own history, rather than looking at how to create a life they love because of it and in spite of it.

I’ve witnessed and experienced discrimination on many fronts from racial, religious, level of education and yes, even colour of one’s hair. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told I intimidate because of the level of work I do and yet I’m a person just like anyone else. One is judged by how little education they have to how much, whether they work in powerful circles or, perhaps drive a bus (I’m just using this as an example not as a slur to bus drivers). In some ways it’s a mirror of what one doesn’t want to gaze at within themselves. Excuses aside, as a Shadow Coach™ I observe people in their worlds and can help them look at the filters through which they look at life. Whether or not they change them or remove those filters, is their choice. I can deal with being the recipient of discrimination, but I will not make excuses for who I am because of it.

I tell my students “What someone else thinks of me is none of my business” and then we look at just what that means. If I constantly change myself to suit what someone else wants me to be, I am no longer my authentic self. To do that not only compromises my personal integrity but fundamentally breaks down my person foundation from which I build my life. If I did constantly change myself to suit others, who would be me? How could I ever think of coaching anyone else in alignment with their personal values and ethics if I don’t live by my own?

So as life comes full circle, I might not be able to predict where mine might be going but I can make choices in the present to create a future that will blow me away. It’s about paying attention before possibility goes poof into the night…..

Best
Donna Karlin

Note: Tuesday, June 17th our newsletter is about 'change'. 2 minutes reading time or less. To access it click www.perspectivesinbrief.com/subscribe. Remember to opt in so it'll come right to your inbox.

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A Precious Commodity Called 'Space'

Space. Was your first reaction to the word accommodations? Office space? Closet or cupboard space? For many storage space is at a premium so that’s the first thing that comes to mind.

That is not the space I’m referring to. I’m talking about space of time.

I’m currently working on a Time Mastery program that looks at time. It’s not about cramming more into a day than you did before, or scheduling, using a PDA or BlackBerry. It’s about time, the concept of time and how we respect it and ourselves in relation to time. We’re in the midst of looking at leaders and how they seem to fly through their days, directing, delegating, strategizing, making decisions and yes, calling endless back to back meetings.

So I took some time to look at time and see its dynamics. I then started asking my clients what they thought of first when they heard the term “buying time”. In one way or another, the answers revolved around having more time to do things, see things, to play and shelve work for the time being. It was hearing “I wish I could clone myself so I could do more” and “I wish I had more time to…”

Truthfully it had nothing whatsoever to do with having more time or saving time so something else could be slotted into that chunk of time. Rather, what they weren’t saying but meant was they wished they had time. Extra time. Unplanned time. They wanted space….nothingness, quiet time, time to just be, to let the thoughts fly in any direction, to think, imagine and explore possibility.

They wanted creative time, time to conceptualize, to strategize, to play, learn, and get to know others. They wanted time to unwind and relax. Many had forgotten how. They couldn’t remember the last time they just relaxed or didn’t rush to do something else in that tiny bit of time that appeared unexpectedly. They felt guilty if they took time for themselves, so they didn’t. Instead they did something for someone else or worked. Time, 'space', is such a precious commodity, heaven forbid they couldn’t waste it! And was doing nothing or planning nothing during that short period actually be wasting time or valuing it and themselves? Relaxing? What’s that? They didn’t remember how to relax. They were wired all the time, literally and figuratively.

People don’t know how to do nothing. They forgot how.

"Slow down and enjoy life. It's not the only the scenery you miss by going to fast-you also miss the sense of where you are going and why." -Eddie Cantor

Best!
Donna Karlin

***Note: Every other week, we publish a free newsletter, Perspectives in Brief that is delivered to your in-box or handheld with great tips on the run to run with, pricing breaks for coaching and program launches. Reading time is 2 minutes or less. To subscribe, go to www.perspectivesinbrief.com/subscribe

Scrambling

def. a quick climb or progression over rough, irregular ground.

That says it perfectly.

I'm scrambling. It's not that things are rough. On the contrary. Everything I'm being bombarded with is amazing! That, for me is even harder than when I'm dealing with a challenge. When the new year began, I told a friend of mine that I had this feeling 2008 was going to be an amazing year for everyone. I'm not sure why. It was a gut feeling. And so far it's surpassed even that. Opportunities are flying towards me. Both my personal and professional lives are better than I could have ever imagined. "So what's the problem?" you might ask.

For a while, like many others in my life I was trying to fit everything in. After all, how could I turn down some amazing opportunities and travel? It isn't easy. First, however I'm very happy one of my work partners in crime is as level headed as me when it comes to doing reality checks. When I feel overwhelmed with opportunity, I call him and process it. This time we both decided that as enticing a trip to Geneva might be, it just wasn't worth the cost, both financial and time away. Instead we decided to design something for the future that would work. One more trip cancelled and a little more breathing space to relax into.

Two questions I've been asking myself and they might just work for you. "What work do I really have to do (and want to do, as I don't do any work I don't want to jump into with both feet)" and "What work do I absolute have to NOT do?" That's the harder one, especially when it's enticing.

For me, I've decided anything I end up doing with John will be amazing because I'll learn in the process and as our styles compliment each other so well, I know the synergy will be there. So why scramble? I'd much rather be in control of the chaos of my life, to the extent I can. I also want to have time for my life life as in my non-professional life. If there's no time to play, it's just not worth it.

Who is your reality checker? Do you even have one? Someone without a hidden agenda who could help you get a handle on your life? If you don't pick one...and choose wisely as that person will help shape your future.

Best!
Donna Karlin

Letting Go of Expectations

This afternoon I was tagged by Robyn McMaster for the "Think Different Challenge"

One of the things I have to continually work on is eliminating expectations. As far as I'm concerned, having expectations is like making a judgment before the fact and doesn't make a heck of a lot of sense to me. So why do we have expectations? Is it wishes? Dreams? Anticipation?

Regardless, I recognize I have expectations and, when I drop them and no longer let them have any power over me in any way, I'm usually pleasantly surprised.

So when it comes to expecting someone to call, to care, to engage, to act the way I might in a specific circumstance, I challenge myself to think differently....to let go of all expectations which takes others' monkeys off my back, gives others the freedom to act from a position of their values and integrity (or not) and for me to live in alignment with mine at the same time, regardless of what others do.

Whew! Freeing!

Thanks for the reminder Robyn!

The Challenge...

The Think Different Challenge is all about finding something in your life you currently have negative thoughts or feelings toward (eg work or your mother-in-law), and deciding to look at it differently. It is about realizing that some things are just a part of life, so we may as well try to find the positives in them.

The rules for this writing project are:

1. Write a new blog post in which you “think different”. Follow my suggestions above, or be a bit different and interpret the challenge the way you want .


2. State that the post is a part of the Think Different Challenge and include a link and/ or trackback to this post so that readers know the rules of the challenge. Feel free to use the above banner (inspired, of course, by Seth Godin).


3. Include a link and/ or trackback to the blogger who tagged you.


4. At the end of your post, go ahead and tag some fellow bloggers. Don’t forget to email them to let them know they have been tagged.


5. That’s it! Just sit back and enjoy reading peoples’ responses to the challenge.

So to keep this going, I Tag:

Donna Steinhorn from Rethinking
Steve Harper from the Ripple Effect
Phil Johnson from Master of Business Leadership
John Lazar from Leading Edge of Leadership
Alexander Kjerulf aka The Chief Happiness Officer
Joe Raasch from The Happy Burro
Prince Rahman at MagnumVox Leadership

If you weren’t tagged, but would like to participate, please go ahead and write a post that fits in with the challenge. Thanks for playing!

Best...
Donna Karlin

OnGrowing Weekly Challenge

Colleague and dear friend Donna Steinhorn and I have decided to create an OnGrowing Weekly Challenge to hear how people deal, cope, thrive and grow in their lives.

I maintain that the gap between where you are and where you want to be is filled by what you choose to do in the time available to you; every conversation, thought, choice and decision.

We can either blame someone else for our shortfallings, our level of success, our happiness or anything else you can think of but bottom line is, when we give the power of our destiny in whatever realm to someone else, we are choosing to give up control of our lives.

I truly believe that.

My challenge to you is, who are you giving your personal power away to and how are you going to take it back?” Tag 5 people to join us in this challenge. We can either choose our future or let someone else do it for us. Which would you prefer?

I realized that by trying to fix the world, dive in and help a gazillion people and organizations I wasn't picking and choosing how I could have the biggest impact. By doing that, I was so worried by everything and everyone else that I was sacrificing myself for other causes. A friend and colleague of mine shared that to sacrifice something, (or ourselves) was to make something sacred. When she told me that I realized that I was making things sacred that just weren't and compromising my practice, my business and my health by doing it. Now I'm making choices that are in alignment with my goals and purpose. It feels great to be able to say that!

I believe in order to be leaders in our fields we have to make choices about how to use our time, what work to do and how we do it in the best possible way that is in alignment with who we are and what we envision in our worlds. Far too often we are talked into doing things that take our focus away from our life long goals or purpose. For us to be strong leaders we need to learn how to make those choices. It's not always easy but the rewards are extraordinary.

Here are 5 people I'm tagging to join me in this:

Susan Meyer
Paul Markle
Phillip Clark
Lorraine Cohen
Michelle Randall

...however I open this up to all who reads this and invite you to play with us!

Looking forward…
Donna Karlin

The Leadership Challenge

I was recently asked to participate in a challenge called “Why Most Leadership Sucks, Including Yours…by John W. McKenna. I wasn’t thrilled with his languaging and told him as much to which he replied “I could do better”.

That in itself is a key statement. We can all do better. We can do better as leaders in our fields of practice, in life, with family, friends, and to set an example to those who don’t know us and have never met us but who will be touched by the ripple effect of what we do regardless of whether or not there's a personal connection.

About a year ago, one of the groups I’m involved in held an international symposium looking at stewardship of coaching world leaders. It was a fascinating dialogue about our roles in coaching people whose leadership has global implications and ramifications. Do we coach those who do not live in alignment with our own personal values and ethics? That’s a whole other conversation about authenticity, judgment, and the ethics of Coaching. I believe we cannot lead effectively unless we lead from our core values and ethics. If we’re working in an organization that doesn’t reflect those values, then we have to look good and hard if we want to align with that organization. There are many factors that determine the impact of our leadership.

We have a unique capacity to shape our lives. As leaders, we have a unique capacity to shape other’s lives.

If we allow others to determine our fates and our futures without contributing to the creation of what that will look like (and choice comes to play in this) then we deserve to live with the consequences. Leaders are not leaders without followers. We all have the choice to follow bad leaders, or not. For some it’s easier to let others shape our destiny for in doing that, when we fail, we can place blame.

The reverse is true as well, however. In allowing others to have that power over us we also have to give up our right to celebrate our successes, as we wouldn’t be responsible for them. I know I would rather fail than never try and I would rather celebrate my successes, knowing I was the one who achieved them, than give that joy over to someone else. It's taking risks every day to reach beyond the imaginable.

Under the surface, where the key dynamics of a personality lies is the person that builds pieces of our world as we know it, one who dreams and translates that dream into a vision we can all wrap our heads around. Those leaders are risk takers because to not go after their dreams isn’t even a remote possibility. Their energy, passion is a never-ending spring that never dries up, as with each person who comes on board and wants to ‘live it too’ that passion continues to feed the human spirit.

So I share this with you….I accept complete responsibility for everything I think, say, feel, and do. I am not afraid of making mistakes or of taking reasonable risks. I am a life-long student. I am always ready to learn, and I know growth takes sustained effort. And through that, I own and celebrate my successes and failures as they are both instrumental in that growth. Anything else for me and the global leaders I work with would be existing through life, not 'living' it. Each risk allows us to invent our futures. We all lead the way in our own lives with each choice we make…good and bad.

My three cents...
Donna Karlin