Disconnecting

This post brings a different slant to what I usually write. I'm all for connecting, networking, having global conversations and sharing my perspectives. I also usually write a new year's letter sharing all that happened in the past year with my intentions for the year to come. However this year I disconnected instead.

For a while I felt guilty about not writing my letter and then came to the conclusion that those people in my life, who are interested in my life, already know what I've been up to. So I disconnected. I didn't post on Facebook, barely looked at LinkedIn unless I got a direct email through there. I didn't respond to work emails and didn't do all the administrivia I usually do at the end of the year.

And you know what? The world was still there on January 2nd! What a concept!

This morning someone I greatly respect shared an article with me and I was mentally whooping and hollering "YES!" Someone else did that as well!  It's an amazing post which I'll share with you called Logging Off by Kevin Conroy Smith. In my mind, he really does have 'A Better Perspective'. I am reminding myself why I used that phrase as my company identity. When I was naming my company and was going to call it "A New Perspective", a dear friend told me that sometimes the old ways are better. That conversation comes to mind more times than I can count.

Kevin's post brings it all full circle. In being so connected, we're disconnecting from life. So instead of posting everything I was doing, I just did it. Instead of sitting with my tablet or laptop, I shared life with my life partner. We puzzled, watched movies, went shopping, saw family and friends and cooked great meals. That is what connecting is all about.

Wishing you a year filled with connections, relationship, fulfillment and a better perspective on life.

The Most Powerful Leadership Position of All: Parenthood

A friend's daughter posted a link to this Huffington Post article on Facebook and I knew I had to write about it. It's called The Sweet Spot by Julianna Miner.

So many memories came to mind as I read it, a sweeter spot for me as it's my mother's 85th birthday today. And when I say 85, that's 85 years young. I do want to be her when I grow up. 

The article brought smiles and tears...memories of when my son was young. We did so much together back then. We were closer than close. When he moved out to go away to school my friends and family were worried that it would be really hard for me. Then puzzled because it wasn't. When they asked me to tell them the truth about how I felt, my answer was a simple one. "He is exactly where he should be...finding his life and his way within it." He has and so have I.


Last night we were on a call with him and his wife, both sides on speaker phone so we could all hear and discuss what we were going to do for my mom's birthday. Of course we got off topic and joked, teased and laughed. It was the greatest conference call I ever had. 

Which got me thinking...the most important leadership job we could take on is parenting. Our kids watch what we do more than pay attention to what we say. My mother can attest to that. She always told me I would look at her intently when she told me something and then would do what I wanted. I'm grinning now just thinking about it.  The thing is, my parents taught me what I needed to know so I could make decisions. They enabled me every step of the way and when they didn't understand something, they looked at it from my perspective and then supported me in trying it out.

Is it any wonder I do what I do? 

I am in my sweet spot being surrounded by amazing people. And as we all grow through life, I know I have to pay attention to how it all comes together; work, home, learning, experiencing, and how I share it all. And tomorrow, when we celebrate my mother's birthday, I think I'd love to sit around and share stories, memories, wishes and dreams and then figure out how to make them happen.

As Julianna says "If raising children is like baseball or swimming, getting it right must be a cocktail of luck, faith, and showing up every day to do the work. And of course, never quitting (even when it all seems like a hopeless goat rodeo). And if you do it well, they won't just leave you. When they go, they will soar away. And all you can hope is that you set them up TO BE COMPLETELY AWESOME."

Thanks for the reminder, Julianna!

Leadership Lessons

I've been in discussions with many people of late on the topic of leadership; role vs. way of being, competencies, performance appraisals and every other perspective you can imagine.

I'll be part of a panel of leaders to discuss Understanding the DNA of a Good Leader at the DPI conference in May and was thinking about the approach I'd like to take to really dive into this conversation with participants.

This morning's Leading Blog post on Avoiding the "Mediocre Me" Mindset is one great perspective to discuss with the panel. What we do as coaches is help people shift their thinking about how they do what they do, why they do what they do and how they show up to the world in the process.

It's about being reflective, a self-observer to synthesize and process experiences as they emerge rather than worry about performance, what people think and how you are perceived by the masses. In other words, how can you let go of the need to please and impress people to cultivate your authentic self?

Thought Leaders

I am thrilled to spread the word about John Spence, (Chapter 1 in my book Leaders: Their Stories, Their Words) who was named as one of the top 100 thought leaders in trustworthy business behavior for 2013 by Trust Across America! Read on...

I first 'met' John Spence years ago when we were co-authoring a blog with other leaders from many parts of the world.  He is not only insightful, knowledgeable and authentic but a human-based leader in every sense.  He looks well beyond the bottom line and works with his clients to lead joyful and fulfilled, not to mention successful lives.

To quote John "Very few people have someone from the outside to be there for them, who’s there 100% for them. Let me help you, let me serve you, let me do whatever it is I can do to assist you." That's John in a nutshell. He has your back, helps you see beyond what you're currently seeing and turns people's and organization's worlds right-side up.

I'm at the stage of my career where I want to be teaching whatever I can to those willing and eager enough to learn. Through the teaching I in turn learn and so the circle continues.  I'll have more to share with clients and continuously create the shifts in my life that I need to be making. How are you keeping your knowledge fresh, current, and relevant? We live in a world that is never static, therefore we have to continue to dance in real time with our worlds as they unfold. 

When you start getting comfortable with your work, start questioning what you don't know, partner with others to stretch you, have those percolating conversations until you're back to uncomfortable. That's when you'll be truly dancing.

Meetings Generating More Meetings?

When was the last time you took a good look at why you're holding meetings? Walk into the meeting and state your intention and desired outcome. Then, periodically through the meeting, revisit both to make sure you're getting what you need. If not, redirect or adjourn it. Stating your desired outcomes shifts you to working smarter, faster and better.

Time is your most precious commodity. Don't waste it for you and others.

Cultivating Authenticity

I hear so many people tell me they want to be taken seriously and viewed as a strong leader. If you try to please the world and be the end all and be all to everyone, people are going to start to wonder about who the true you is and you know how you feel when that happens to you. It starts to erode trust.

Are you willing to let go of what other people think? My motto is "What someone else thinks of me is none of my business, It's theirs. 

The Gift of Laurier LaPierre

I'm sitting here with memories of Laurier running through my mind, as I'm sure is the same for so many others right now. All bring me a smile, make me laugh or shake my head in wonder. I remember sitting with Laurier and Harvey at a friend's birthday party (pre Ray) when Laurier turned to my date and told him he was an idiot for not appreciating me enough. That made for an interesting rest of the evening! Still, I found myself gravitating back to the two of them as the conversations weren't anywhere near as fascinating with anyone else. That was what it was like being in their company. Never enough time with them…always treasured moments.

Sitting with Laurier in his living room in conversation to capture for my book, we bantered, conversed, laughed and cried while the dog sat between us, looking back and forth at us, perplexed as if he understood every word. I wish I could have captured the spectrum of emotion for you in Laurier's voice as much as his words. No one loved our country as much as he did. And he let us know it through every word and action.

Having them over for dinner and seeing my kids and family touched by his magic was a gift beyond measure. I am so glad they had a chance to get to know him, even a bit.

Harvey and Laurier were generous enough to have a dinner party in honour of the launch of my book. At one point I found myself sitting next to Laurier. He insisted I do a reading for the group. Of course I picked the piece about him, to which Laurier kept stopping me until I would choose someone else. He teased me and taunted me until I couldn't think straight never mind read! One of the guests turned to me and said "He must really love you. I've never seen him tease anyone like this ever!" That too stayed with me. I think my whole being was smiling at that point.

Last year I made a cake for them for the holidays. This cake is present at all our family functions; holidays, birthdays, and impromtu get-togethers. Harvey was only worried that Laurier would find it in the freezer and start munching on it before the family gathering so was trying to figure out the best time for me to bring it over. I walked into their kitchen with the cake and another small wrapped package. Laurier was about to commandeer the cake before it hit the freezer, but instead, I gave him the small wrapped package. I had made him his own personal loaf which I told him I'd only give him if he'd leave the big one alone at least until the family dinner.

As the cake issue was settled, we dove into conversations about friendships and what that means, who was a true friend and who really wasn't, family, holidays, politics and everything else under the sun.

Those times were precious. Never enough. But when you're lucky enough to have known someone like Laurier, could there ever be enough time?

I'll leave you with some of Laurier's words of wisdom. I asked Laurier "What message do you want to give to the next wave of leaders in Canada? What spark do you want to light in them?" to which he replied:

"Be more conscious of our freedom in this country. Get to know people. Travel, first in our country, then through the world. Get to know Canadians. We may not have fought as many wars as other countries, but in the ones we did fight, no one has ever denied our courage. We are great conciliators. A fundamental flaw is our own people don’t know this country. They only know their region. They go to the U.S. and travel before they’ll travel in Canada. Go to Nunavut. Get to know the people who live in the snow. Watch Canadian programs! Write more. 

We are the first country to believe in diversity. The question of language is no longer necessary. Get to know people's souls. It's in their art and literature. Learn languages. Travel. I want the people of my country to know the stories of my country. Look at human courage. Education is more than knowledge…it's an instrument of discussion. Know what makes our country be right now. Connect with people. We used to have pen pals. Now, through technology, it's even easier. Use technology that is available to you to be better human beings. Better human beings make a better world. Ultimately, if you fail, you will be the generation of the greatest failure in the history of mankind." (Excerpt from Leaders: Their Stories, Their Words - Conversations with Human-Based Leaders.)
 
I didn't have a chance to say it before, but thank you, Laurier, for all you've brought to my life. Be at peace. You'll be in our hearts forever.