You Are What You Think You Are

If your sense of security lies in your reputation or the things you have, your life will be in a constant state of threat and jeopardy because possessions may be lost, stolen or devalued. If your self worth constantly fluctuates, you don’t have any sense of consistency or anchorage or selfhood. You are constantly trying to protect and ensure your assets, properties, securities, position or reputation.

What you believe you are you are. How you perceive yourself becomes yourself. If you are your job and you aren’t successful at it, you equate yourself with failure. If you equate happiness and/or success with material possessions and you lose them for some reason, is there nothing left of you? Is that all you are?

Years ago I used to do volunteer workshops with teenaged girls. The first question I asked them was “Tell me about you.” And after they answered me I asked them to tell me about their best friend. The answers were all the same….”She dresses really well” ; “She has a great figure”; “She’s the most popular girl at school”; “I wish I had her hair etc. etc.

I stayed silent for a moment and asked them this “Are you only what you see in the mirror?” They didn’t know how to answer that. And then the conversation began. A few of the girls had little or no interaction with their parents. Their parents were so wrapped up in their own lives, traveling, working, socializing, that they left their kids pretty much to their own devices. A couple of the girls had eating disorders. Their parents hadn’t noticed. All they were to them, to their friends, was their physical presence, not their humanness……their heart, their mind, their passions….

I see it in teenagers and I see it in adults. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve interviewed new clients and asked them who they were only to hear what they do for a living, what they want to accomplish re: their professions, not necessarily one and the same with what they are passionate about in life.

Many equate happiness with the size of their paycheque. Many equate who they are with the level of their position. One is not a leader by virtue of their title or position within the organization. One isn't successful based on the amount of their paycheque. Everyone has a different idea of personal success. To be an effective organizational leader, one needs to be able to bring out the passions, talents and strengths of those around him/her and help them evolve because of them. The leader doesn't need to know how to do everything.....the leader needs to know who can do it and how well.

When someone meets you for the first time and asks you about yourself, do you immediately go into what you do for a living? your work? Is that all that defines you?

The other day I was reading a letter from a Coach in the U.S., Marshall Goldsmith who posed the question, if you had to choose a CEO for a large organization.....you have X number of applicants with the same credentials, same level of knowledge, intelligence, credentials etc, making it an even playing field, who would you hire? You would take into consideration how those applicants got along with people....how they behaved.

When I Shadow Coach my clients I am able to show them in real time how they behaved, processed, interacted, communicated....what was working, what wasn't.....who they were in the scheme of things. Did they help their staff grow? Hold them back? Were they utilizing the strengths and talents around them? Were they asking for what they thought they could get rather than what they wanted? The last question being very important as if you're asking for what you think you can get, you're assuming you can't have it all....and that demotivates those around you.

Who are you? The question isn't what do you do.....not about your job....it's who you are inside it, besides it, in spite of it in some instances. And if I asked you that question right now.....would you have an answer that would make you smile?

Best...
Donna Karlin

*Note: Welcome new subscribers from Pakistan and Columbia, Nassau and Bermuda!

Tools of the Trade

Well after being inundated over the years for resource links for coaches and businesspreneurs, I decided to put them all together in a page of their own to help new and old businesses owners, coaches and trainers on their way to growing their business.

Each of the links I have on there has been tried and true and, when used properly, can grow your business exponentially.

If you have any other links you feel should be included, let us know. We'll review them and, if we like 'em, they'll go up on the site as well.

Here are ten or so to get you started. And remember...if you don't have time to get all this wonderful technology going, hire a Virtual Assistant to get you on your way.

Just click on the graphic and it'll take you right there.

And if for some reason it doesn't
go to www.coachtoolsofthetrade.com

Best!

Donna Karlin

Virtual Assistants

def “A Virtual Assistant (VA) is an independent entrepreneur providing administrative, creative and/or technical services. Utilizing advanced technological modes of communication and data delivery, a professional VA assists clients in his/her area of expertise from his/her own office on a contractual basis."

VA’s are a wonderful invention, or, I should say innovation....definitely a smart and innovative way of working! If you find yourself scrambling to get everything done, working well into the night because you’re not able to get through the administrivia that will bring you even more business, then seriously consider hiring one.

Yesterday I was on an interesting call with two professionals in this field. The first thing that came to mind when I first heard about Virtual Assistants was that FINALLY here is someone to handle all the non-client related stuff I never seem to have time for. The way the VA’s described it was having someone augmenting your business by filtering time-wasters as well as expanding ideas for increased visibility and effectiveness. They can do everything from submitting articles you’ve written to the right places, marketing, creative work, and technological stuff that might not be the most difficult to implement (for some) but certainly are time stealers. These are professionals who partner with you to support you in every way you need. They will free you up so you do what you want to be doing, and doing best; your profession! And they will help you grow your business in the interim.

It’s a way of working smarter, not harder.

In this fast paced world where many people are scrambling to keep up, (me included but you didn’t hear me say that : ) it’s time to take a step back and put processes and people in place to support you where you need it most. As I said to a client just the other day “You are so busy keeping up, that you’re not looking at why you’re so busy in the first place”. That’s where I come in as I 'shadow' them. What are they reacting to instead of responding? What is the bigger picture and what one thing can be put in place right now, so that that ripple effect will automatically put other things in place?”

Support staff, whether VA’s, Executive Assistants, Secretaries, etc, are only as good as the effective communication you have with them. If you don’t communicate your needs you’re not going to be supported. A tug of war will ensue rather than a collaborate effort. Train them to know you well, so they don’t second guess you. They need to know your ways of operating in order to do what they do best.

I can’t tell you how often I’m called in to “DO SOMETHING!” with a support staffer. Most of the time, all it takes is sitting down and expressing your needs and how you want things done. And if it’s not working, then another conversation needs to take place before the relationship breaks down even further. I know….common sense. We all need to be reminded now and then.

Just remember that saying where “It takes less time to just do it myself” doesn’t wash. It takes the same amount of time to show someone how to support you so you can be freed up to do what you have to/want to do. There will be a time when you’ll regret those words, when you feel as if you’re doing the job of 4 people, not just your own. Something’s gotta give and it’ll be you.

Best!
Donna Karlin

To find a virtual assistant that’s best suited for you, check out www.multiplestreamsteam.com

*Note: Welcome new subscriber from Peru. 63 countries and counting!

Balance

Yesterday a wonderful friend introduced me to a magical place and the artist, John Ceprano responsible for creating it. It’s all about balance. We spoke about that…perspective, balance, impressions, opinions. He creates the unimaginable out of rocks that seem to come to life in form, shape and character, creating a place of peace and beauty in and around the water so people can come and soak it in both visually and spiritually. The sun was strong, the water and sky deep blue and the parliament buildings in the background brought the various characteristics of Ottawa together in one special place.

It was so hard to leave. Something about this place drew you…. invited you to be a part of it and stay a while and, just like life, the rocks, sometimes balanced precariously on top of each other, seemed to find their own stability. Huge round rocks on triangular ones below with tiny pebbles holding them in place, stood strong and still among the geese, moving water and people milling about them. You would think they would tumble easily and yet there was strength and stillness about each statue that was tangible.

I feel very fortunate and honoured to have met the creator of such an extraordinary place. Now that I’ve experienced it, I can’t imagine these majestic statues not gracing the river….and hope John will be there for many years to come.

A place such as this invites you to slow down and take notice, and look at the balance in your own life. As many do balance one part precariously with another, for them the thrill of life not tumbling down around them, keeps them living on the edge….experiencing the ‘thrill of the game’. For others, it’s a way to look beyond their comfort zone into a place where the possibility of one rock balancing and relying on the other for stability and strength shows them there is more to life than meets the eye. Just like testing your footing on a climb, so is life built one level over another, one bit of knowledge expanding your realm and giving you a path towards something much larger.

John demonstrates how the simplest of things, rocks, stones and pebbles can come together to create the most magnificent sight imaginable, one rock at a time. Life too is like that……one experience, one person, one insight at a time. It’s only when you look back at where you were as opposed to where you are now that you might realise how far you’ve come. That too takes time and space to notice.

I encourage you from near and far to come and experience this place of wonder. It’s along the Ottawa River Parkway at Remic Rapids late summer/fall. John calls it ‘Balance in Art’. I call it a place where magic lives. You’ll come and experience the awe of the place and leave, albeit reluctantly, with a smile and a sense of peace that just won’t go away.

Best!
Donna Karlin

*Note: Welcome 62nd subscriber from Yemen. Pull up a chair and stay a while. I hope you find much food for thought and welcome your comments and insights!

People Often Become Their Work

I love watching people as they make their way through the chaos of their days. People are such complex creatures. If they weren’t I would be out of a job and even if I weren’t, coaching wouldn’t be anywhere near as fascinating as it is. I watch clients under-utilize talents, downplay strengths and try to fit in to the status quo of an organization for many reasons; some conscious, some not. I created a program around these observations for people to see others….and themselves, and how they live and experience life.

There are no quick fixes or answers for the way people live; rather it’s all about awareness. People are….do….live…..respond, react, are fun-loving, serious, want to belong or be alone. People are complicated.

People are often stuck in jobs too small for them to soar. Why are they stuck? Usually because discontent of the known is far easier to cope with than fear of the ‘what might be’ if they make the move.

People often become their work and lose who they are in the process. People are so busy keeping up, they don’t look at why they’re so busy in the first place. They become the job, losing their identity along the way.

People long for a sense of belonging, thereby doing jobs that go against the grain of who they are just to ‘fit in’. When people show their talents, colleagues can become competitive, angry, envious and territorial. That is one reason why people hide their talents, so they’ll belong and not stand out above the crowd. People want others to think highly of them, yet they’ll do little to self-acknowledge their successes.

Reflect light. Don’t hide from it. "The pessimist complains about the wind; the optimist expects the wind; the realist adjusts the sails." – Anonymous

Set yourself free from limitations and then watch yourself soar.

Best!
Donna Karlin

*Note: The ‘Perspectives’ subscriber countries have just hit 61! Welcome Qatar, Saint Kitts and Nevis, Uruguay and Russian Federation.

To Know How to Suggest

“To know how to suggest is the great art of teaching. To attain it we must be able to guess what will interest; we must learn to read the childish soul as we might a piece of music. Then, by simply changing the key, we keep up the attraction and vary the song.” - Henri Frederic Amiel

This is one of those rare moments when I come across words of wisdom that combine my ‘two lives’….musician of the past and coach of the present. That’s not to say that my roots as a classical musician aren’t a part of everything I do and how I think, because they are. Music has a way of reaching a person’s soul much faster than any words can. Suggestions of what hadn’t been thought of before is another way to show someone how high they can fly. In music, as we all interpret it differently, connect to music in different ways depending on likes, moods, moments in time, it allows us to bypass all inhibitions and let go in ways known only to us.

David Whyte, the writer and poet has said: “Art is the act of triggering deep memories of what it means to be fully human.” That applies to all the arts….an expression of one’s self without rhyme or reason. It also applies to leaders who teach by inspiring that kind of passion in others. Suggesting a perspective so far out of the realm of what was thought of or possible in the past is one way to stimulate the imagination and allow us to see the depth and breadth of what life can offer us.

One of the suggestions a coach can pose to a client is, “What are you assuming that you’re not aware that you’re assuming?” The question is not that you’re making false assumptions; it’s that you might be making assumptions at all, even if you’re not aware you’re doing so.

Take the well known puzzle challenge….one I’m sure most of you have seen….to connect the 9 dots using 4 lines without lifting your pencil from the paper.

Once you’ve been told or shown the answer you know you were making an assumption…. that being you had to stay within the imaginary box the 9 dots formed. That wasn’t one of the rules. It was assumed.

Years ago, when I was doing a group workshop, the class had homework assignments to do every night that would give them more insight into their behaviour, and/or ‘programming’ or, as coaches love to say, a ‘POS’ ....their personal operating system that is buggy or out of date.

One of those assignments was to journal three full pages in their loose leaf binders, writing about what they became aware of through the day, things they learned, were reminded of, discovered etc. The only instructions given were to write three full, single-spaced pages, filling the pages completely. They were to write from the top down, side to side, filling the pages completely. They had to put the title on each page, the date and page 1 of 3, 2 of 3, etc. Other than that the rest of the page had to be filled completely.

Not one of the attendees heeded those instructions. Each one of them wrote the title on top of the first line and the rest was hand written single spaced from margin to margin. Even though the instructions were explicit, the words ‘filling the pages completely’ repeated with each direction, they ignored them. It was assumed they should write between the margins, even when it went against every instruction. They had a buddy who was to check to make sure the homework was done properly. The buddies didn’t pick it up either. In school, each attendee was trained to always write between margins and leave the white space at the top of the paper empty.

It’s time to change your personal operating system, especially when it no longer applies. A teacher, coach, leader….anyone who asks you to challenge the status quo will do the best teaching when they encourage you to expand your level of thinking to another level….way past the expression “thinking outside of the box”. In this case, there is no box to begin with….no ceiling. The height one can go is infinite.

What have you been assuming that you aren’t aware you’re assuming when it comes to ideas, work, life, experiencing, concepts, relationships….all that programming you’ve had over the years that is no longer serving you well?

No ceiling….no sky…..just endless possibilities.

Best…
Donna Karlin

Safety in Mediocrity

"Living at risk is jumping off the cliff and building your wings on the way down." - Ray Bradbury

Every time you stop and look fear or indecision in the face, you gain strength and confidence. One doesn’t become great by avoiding what isn’t comfortable. If you want to be safe and not rock the boat, you will never achieve greatness because you won’t step up and be noticed. Safety in business often means mediocrity. Safety in your profession will mean you stand in line with the ranks of many just like you….cookie cutters of the same…. a sea of faces from which a company or organization has to choose. It’s the unique individual, the one willing to take a risk who will be noticed and snapped up.

"Progress always involves risk; you can't steal second base and keep your foot on first." - Frederick Wilcox

Living an average life might be a good one, but you’ll rarely have that feeling of elation, of realisation (that lightbulb going off)….or of personal wonder.

What are you betting on? Who can you count on if not yourself? Or, in this case, the question is what in yourself can you absolutely count on? What talents do you have that you are under utilizing? Why? What is holding you back?

Many hide what they think is most unique about themselves. They share their everyday selves with the world. It’s easy. It’s safe. It’s superficial. Yet it is just that uniqueness….and taking that risk to show and capitalize on it that becomes one’s greatest potential. In sharing our uniqueness we discover the common thread of what is great in everyone on this planet.

Best…
Donna Karlin

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