This past week I was in St. Louis at the International Coach Federation Research Symposium and Conference which, as always, blew my mind. I would love to have said the conference itself was mind blowing but for me, what always takes me to new heights are the people I connect with...those I haven't seen for a year and can't wait to reconnect with, as well as the new people I meet who come from far and wide to share ideas, concepts and ways of being. Having more than 1,400 or so Coaches all under one roof is daunting enough, never mind the noise and energy that accompany us : ) but still, the level of interaction and mind melding is extraordinary.
This year, even though the venue left a lot to be desired, the people I met and shared ideas with were over the top. Over 30 countries were represented along with the richness of backgrounds and cultures. And as we left St. Louis to return home, we were already discussing what we could create for next year.
Continuity is a given. We want the best for the profession as well as the clients. One thing was very clear. If we continued to share ideas and let others help us evolve, nothing would stop us. It's not about continuing education credits as much as learning, integrating and contextualising what we learned through the week. One of the things I have to watch for with my clients is how quickly they integrate what they learn into the content and context of their lives. How often do we look at that for ourselves?
It's about people and how they put the same facts and concepts into completely different packages, utilizing them in unique ways. It's not as much as what we create as what the professionals will do with those creations afterwards, so even as I was heading back through Chicago to my home in Ottawa, I was creating a map in my agenda of who I wanted to connect with whom so their lives can be enriched exponentially.
In a world where 'knowledge is power' and many hoard what they know to hold over someone else, how much more powerful would it be if we shared that information and grew in leaps and bounds by virtue of having another tweak it to mean something else? Two minds working is always more than one....four more than two and so on. So tonight the virtual introductions begin. And to my friends Susan, Sue, David, Philip, Michelle and rest of the gang who already have numerous projects, books and classes aligned for me to get started on (yeah I know in WHAT spare time?) I thank you from the bottom of my heart for making me think, wonder, imagine and begin creating. The sense of possibility has been stoked within me, so get ready for what's to come!
It's all about finding the best in life and wishing the same for others.
Best!
Donna Karlin
*Note: Welcome subscriber from Uganda....93rd country and counting. Stay a while, 'put your feet up' and we'd love it if you'd share your ideas and perspectives with us.
Friday, October 27, 2006
Sunday, October 22, 2006
It's All About You
What do you think? Does the title of this blog push a button or two?
I’ve had more conversations this past week with people wanting to set boundaries, but not knowing how. Or they know how but don’t think they can or should or, just don’t set them for other reasons. People think selfishness is a bad thing. They do want to make their lives easier but as they don’t want to rock the boat so to speak, they don’t set boundaries. They’re the ones who suffer and as they’re not practicing self-care, everyone suffers.
Why is that, exactly? I’d love to hear your take on that.
Respecting yourself means listening to your body and emotions constantly and then acting beyond the linear to do what’s needed for your own well-being.
I realise for some it’s cultural programming; being raised to put others first, to do the best for the family, community etc, but even those who are powerful leaders, who you might think wouldn’t think twice about being selfish, have a hard time taking that personal replenishment time.
Why do you think setting personal boundaries has to be detrimental to others around you? Wouldn’t it be teaching them to do the same as they see how well it works with you? And if you take good care of yourself, wouldn’t you have MORE to give someone else?
“A red rose is not selfish because it wants to be a red rose. It would be horribly self-centered if it wanted all the other flowers in the garden to be both red and roses.” – Oscar Wilde (with a bit of poetic license from Donna Karlin).
Selfishness, or taking care of one’s self isn’t about having everyone else cater to you to the exclusion of their own well-being; it’s acknowledging that you respect yourself enough to care for yourself so you can give back more. How you perceive that will determine the level of self-respect and self-care.
What's the first thing you can do to begin?
Best..
Donna Karlin
I’ve had more conversations this past week with people wanting to set boundaries, but not knowing how. Or they know how but don’t think they can or should or, just don’t set them for other reasons. People think selfishness is a bad thing. They do want to make their lives easier but as they don’t want to rock the boat so to speak, they don’t set boundaries. They’re the ones who suffer and as they’re not practicing self-care, everyone suffers.
Why is that, exactly? I’d love to hear your take on that.
Respecting yourself means listening to your body and emotions constantly and then acting beyond the linear to do what’s needed for your own well-being.
I realise for some it’s cultural programming; being raised to put others first, to do the best for the family, community etc, but even those who are powerful leaders, who you might think wouldn’t think twice about being selfish, have a hard time taking that personal replenishment time.
Why do you think setting personal boundaries has to be detrimental to others around you? Wouldn’t it be teaching them to do the same as they see how well it works with you? And if you take good care of yourself, wouldn’t you have MORE to give someone else?
“A red rose is not selfish because it wants to be a red rose. It would be horribly self-centered if it wanted all the other flowers in the garden to be both red and roses.” – Oscar Wilde (with a bit of poetic license from Donna Karlin).
Selfishness, or taking care of one’s self isn’t about having everyone else cater to you to the exclusion of their own well-being; it’s acknowledging that you respect yourself enough to care for yourself so you can give back more. How you perceive that will determine the level of self-respect and self-care.
What's the first thing you can do to begin?
Best..
Donna Karlin
Thursday, October 19, 2006
In The Realm of Possibility?
People automatically assume they know all the facts and it not only often gets them into trouble but could cause difficulty for others at the same time.
For example, about a week ago, I was in a busy elevator in a Federal Government department where I’ve been working for the past 4 or 5 years and there was a staffer who I knew quite well next to me in the elevator. I hadn’t worked with him but had with his boss, so he knew the level of client I worked with as an Executive Shadow Coach. As I read a particular email, I started grinning at the content. Unbeknownst to me (and let me clarify I never read anything confidential in a public place), he glanced over my shoulder at my BlackBerry and saw who the email was from.
At the top of his lungs he exclaimed “You got an email from Stephen Harper?” Oh this was WAY too much fun to let go of so I remarked “Yes. He was commenting on my blog” to which this man called out “Stephen Harper reads your blog???” I replied “Yes. Steve reads my blog and I his. Oh and we are co-authors of another blog besides this one.”
Well that was more than he could handle. Keep in mind the rest of the occupants of the elevator were listening intently.
Incredulous, he exclaimed “OUR PRIME MINISTER WRITES A BLOG WITH YOU AND YOU CALL HIM STEVE??” to which I quietly replied “Who said it was the Prime Minister?”
Silence.
I looked at him and told him he had no business reading someone else’s BlackBerry and if he’s going to do things like that, it’s going to get him into trouble and, by making assumptions, there would be a great chance he’d get the other individual into trouble as well. I work with the highest levels of bureaucracy. All he had to do was tell one of the people who had a Deputy’s ear that I co-wrote anything with the PM and it could jeopardize my work with him/her.
He assumed. If I hadn’t clarified, the others in the elevator would have left certain of something that just wasn’t true. The ramifications could be disastrous.
“The least questioned assumptions are often the most questionable” - Paul Broca
How often do you read something at a glance, overhear something mentioned and create an entire scenario around it which just isn’t so? We’ve all been guilty of that over time, no?
Besides which….do you think it’s in the realm of possibility that a Prime Minister would feel comfortable and secure enough in his position to write a blog at all? A whole other question to ponder.
Best!
Donna Karlin
For example, about a week ago, I was in a busy elevator in a Federal Government department where I’ve been working for the past 4 or 5 years and there was a staffer who I knew quite well next to me in the elevator. I hadn’t worked with him but had with his boss, so he knew the level of client I worked with as an Executive Shadow Coach. As I read a particular email, I started grinning at the content. Unbeknownst to me (and let me clarify I never read anything confidential in a public place), he glanced over my shoulder at my BlackBerry and saw who the email was from.
At the top of his lungs he exclaimed “You got an email from Stephen Harper?” Oh this was WAY too much fun to let go of so I remarked “Yes. He was commenting on my blog” to which this man called out “Stephen Harper reads your blog???” I replied “Yes. Steve reads my blog and I his. Oh and we are co-authors of another blog besides this one.”
Well that was more than he could handle. Keep in mind the rest of the occupants of the elevator were listening intently.
Incredulous, he exclaimed “OUR PRIME MINISTER WRITES A BLOG WITH YOU AND YOU CALL HIM STEVE??” to which I quietly replied “Who said it was the Prime Minister?”
Silence.
I looked at him and told him he had no business reading someone else’s BlackBerry and if he’s going to do things like that, it’s going to get him into trouble and, by making assumptions, there would be a great chance he’d get the other individual into trouble as well. I work with the highest levels of bureaucracy. All he had to do was tell one of the people who had a Deputy’s ear that I co-wrote anything with the PM and it could jeopardize my work with him/her.
He assumed. If I hadn’t clarified, the others in the elevator would have left certain of something that just wasn’t true. The ramifications could be disastrous.
“The least questioned assumptions are often the most questionable” - Paul Broca
How often do you read something at a glance, overhear something mentioned and create an entire scenario around it which just isn’t so? We’ve all been guilty of that over time, no?
Besides which….do you think it’s in the realm of possibility that a Prime Minister would feel comfortable and secure enough in his position to write a blog at all? A whole other question to ponder.
Best!
Donna Karlin
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
People Are Their Own Magic Wand
Years ago I created a mini program about people, and about you.....and my friend Steve Harper unknowingly (well until now : ) reminded me about it. It was a compilation of so many perspectives about people, how they think, look at themselves, respond to the world and create their place in the world. I had forgotten all about it but once I read Steve's words of wisdom in our ExecuBooksBlog.com, I decided to unearth it and give it another look. It's time to start distributing it to those who want to look at their place in life and perhaps do something to change what's not working.
One line that resonated was "People fail to see that they are the magic wand they wait and wish for."
Why look for a magic wand when you are one? People become who they might be when they let go of who they are. If you're so busy holding on to what is....you'll never know what's possible!
Best..
Donna Karlin
One line that resonated was "People fail to see that they are the magic wand they wait and wish for."
Why look for a magic wand when you are one? People become who they might be when they let go of who they are. If you're so busy holding on to what is....you'll never know what's possible!
Best..
Donna Karlin
Thursday, September 28, 2006
History Starts Now
About a week ago now I was watching the season premier of a favourite show ‘Criminal Minds’ and as the show was drawing to a close, a song was played that captured my attention. The words were amazing which spurred me on to doing a search on the internet to see if I could figure out the name of the song and the group that performed it. I mentioned to my son that the group sounded so familiar but when I did the search and came up with the name of the band it didn’t ring a bell. Not anything unusual for me as I’m pathetic with names of bands, movies or songs, but their voices remain imbedded in my mind forever.
However once I did the search and other songs came up as well I realised I knew the band well and loved their songs. They’re called Five for FIGHTING and are quite distinctive, never mind socially aware in their work. I emailed the group asking permission to use some of the lyrics in my blog and was pleasantly surprised to get an answer within an hour. John Ondrasik, the lead, was more than gracious in giving me permission to share a bit of their work with you through my insights and comments. And, I hope you’ll run out and buy their CDs as their music really is extraordinary.
The song from the program was called ‘World’ and has many messages to it. My favourite of them all is “History Starts Now”. There is so much about that phrase I could write about in many contexts. History starts now in life as we create our life from this moment on…..every choice determining what our future will look like by our relationships, ideas, ideals, values and passions. It’s also very relevant in history when it comes to relying on an individual, judging one person by the actions of another, and using something in the past as a ‘written in stone’ guideline as to how a person might respond in the present or future.
That’s one of my biggest challenges in the workplace. Those I partner with as clients work very hard at changing what isn’t working in their ‘worlds’ and it’s very hard to break past history with colleagues and implement that change when others don’t give them the benefit of the doubt. People see what was, not what is. Using the ‘History Starts Now’ changes that paradigm. You can create a new history by how you relate to someone in the present. You can create a new history by seeing the best in people and acknowledging the changes they’re making.
“What kind of world do you want?
Think Anything
Let's start at the start
Build a masterpiece
Be careful what you wish for
History starts now... "
Years ago I decided to build a life I love. Slowly but surely I pruned my life of toxic relationships and replaced them with those who enriched my life. I’m happy because I choose to be, not give the power of that choice to circumstance. I look to learn something new every day, connect with people in all facets of life. I will soon attend an international symposium for coaching and we’re going to look at Stewardship in Coaching. This ties in beautifully. Coaching from a framework of stewardship is normative: “with accountability for affirming human rights and dignity, ecological health, and care for the health and well-being of the whole”. It also shifts focus from “Being the best in the world” to “Being the best for the world” (a triple bottom line: economically, socially, ecologically).
If you reach out to make a difference in some way every day, look to learn something new, speak to someone you’ve never spoken to before, make connections for you or connect other people, you will build a masterpiece of a life. No time like the present to begin. History starts right now.
Best!
Donna Karlin
However once I did the search and other songs came up as well I realised I knew the band well and loved their songs. They’re called Five for FIGHTING and are quite distinctive, never mind socially aware in their work. I emailed the group asking permission to use some of the lyrics in my blog and was pleasantly surprised to get an answer within an hour. John Ondrasik, the lead, was more than gracious in giving me permission to share a bit of their work with you through my insights and comments. And, I hope you’ll run out and buy their CDs as their music really is extraordinary.
The song from the program was called ‘World’ and has many messages to it. My favourite of them all is “History Starts Now”. There is so much about that phrase I could write about in many contexts. History starts now in life as we create our life from this moment on…..every choice determining what our future will look like by our relationships, ideas, ideals, values and passions. It’s also very relevant in history when it comes to relying on an individual, judging one person by the actions of another, and using something in the past as a ‘written in stone’ guideline as to how a person might respond in the present or future.
That’s one of my biggest challenges in the workplace. Those I partner with as clients work very hard at changing what isn’t working in their ‘worlds’ and it’s very hard to break past history with colleagues and implement that change when others don’t give them the benefit of the doubt. People see what was, not what is. Using the ‘History Starts Now’ changes that paradigm. You can create a new history by how you relate to someone in the present. You can create a new history by seeing the best in people and acknowledging the changes they’re making.
“What kind of world do you want?
Think Anything
Let's start at the start
Build a masterpiece
Be careful what you wish for
History starts now... "
Years ago I decided to build a life I love. Slowly but surely I pruned my life of toxic relationships and replaced them with those who enriched my life. I’m happy because I choose to be, not give the power of that choice to circumstance. I look to learn something new every day, connect with people in all facets of life. I will soon attend an international symposium for coaching and we’re going to look at Stewardship in Coaching. This ties in beautifully. Coaching from a framework of stewardship is normative: “with accountability for affirming human rights and dignity, ecological health, and care for the health and well-being of the whole”. It also shifts focus from “Being the best in the world” to “Being the best for the world” (a triple bottom line: economically, socially, ecologically).
If you reach out to make a difference in some way every day, look to learn something new, speak to someone you’ve never spoken to before, make connections for you or connect other people, you will build a masterpiece of a life. No time like the present to begin. History starts right now.
Best!
Donna Karlin
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Live Through Your Passions
“I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge, that myth is more potent than history, that dreams are more powerful than facts, that hope always triumphs over experience, that laughter is the only cure for grief, and I believe that love is stronger than death”. - Fulghum, Robert
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read this quote and had a completely different reaction to it. It truly touches every aspect of life in one fell swoop. When I listen to clients, friends, colleagues or members of my family they might begin telling me difficulties they’re living or a challenge they have to face but ultimately the conversation veers towards something that has captured their imagination, and asking me to help them find a way to live it. Their passions come out and the sense of possibility. I watch as their energy goes from a low point to way up there beyond measurement. Their faces change from a frown to a smile that reaches their eyes and their heart as their whole being comes to life through imagination. One will reach for a dream no matter what. That will stimulate you much more intensely and quickly than a mere fact.
And even as they might sit around grieving for a lost loved one, through the tears come moments of laughter as they begin to speak of funny times shared that lightens the heart.
Human nature is resilient. A person’s mind can take them to places beyond belief. Instead of pushing those thoughts aside, ask yourself how you can use them to evolve into life….much more than growing. It’s becoming that dream, living it and experiencing it firsthand. Anyone who tries to control your thoughts or passions is fighting to discover their own. Don’t let others steal them away. “Patterning your life around other's opinions is nothing more than slavery” - Lawana Blackwell.
Live your life for you, not for anyone else. Teach others how it’s possible to live your dreams by creating your own day by day, thereby encouraging others to do the same in their lives. Accept others for where they are in life and ask them to do the same for you. Learn from those around you, don’t become them. And in doing so, give yourself the gift of a fulfilling, joyful life.
Best…Donna Karlin
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve read this quote and had a completely different reaction to it. It truly touches every aspect of life in one fell swoop. When I listen to clients, friends, colleagues or members of my family they might begin telling me difficulties they’re living or a challenge they have to face but ultimately the conversation veers towards something that has captured their imagination, and asking me to help them find a way to live it. Their passions come out and the sense of possibility. I watch as their energy goes from a low point to way up there beyond measurement. Their faces change from a frown to a smile that reaches their eyes and their heart as their whole being comes to life through imagination. One will reach for a dream no matter what. That will stimulate you much more intensely and quickly than a mere fact.
And even as they might sit around grieving for a lost loved one, through the tears come moments of laughter as they begin to speak of funny times shared that lightens the heart.
Human nature is resilient. A person’s mind can take them to places beyond belief. Instead of pushing those thoughts aside, ask yourself how you can use them to evolve into life….much more than growing. It’s becoming that dream, living it and experiencing it firsthand. Anyone who tries to control your thoughts or passions is fighting to discover their own. Don’t let others steal them away. “Patterning your life around other's opinions is nothing more than slavery” - Lawana Blackwell.
Live your life for you, not for anyone else. Teach others how it’s possible to live your dreams by creating your own day by day, thereby encouraging others to do the same in their lives. Accept others for where they are in life and ask them to do the same for you. Learn from those around you, don’t become them. And in doing so, give yourself the gift of a fulfilling, joyful life.
Best…Donna Karlin
Monday, September 18, 2006
Walking In Your Own Shadow
“There is a time when passing through a light, that you walk in your own shadow “ – Keri Hulmee.
This past week was exactly that for me. I was in Chicago doing an Advanced Shadow Coach™ Training session with a group of amazing coaches looking to see what else is out there in the realm of our profession. Some already knew me and about my work and walked in eager to jump in to whatever was tossed at them. Others walked in with open minds, not really knowing what it is I do and the rest, well it took a while for them to come around to my model of coaching as it challenged their paradigms in every way shape and form. Whenever I teach I have to take a good long look at everything I do and how I do it so I can articulate it to the class. In hearing their feedback and answering their questions, I did indeed walk in my own shadow as I’m a Shadow Coach ™ : )
Those dynamics are present in all my trainings and I love watching as the awareness sinks in. They not only learn how to go deeper and wider in the dynamics of working with clients but their self-awareness or walking in their own shadows increases as well.
The trip started off with a smile as I pre-cleared US customs. The customs officer wanted to know the nature of the work I’d be doing in the US and when I told him I was going to do an Advanced Shadow Coach™ Training, he looked at me and said “You DO realize I don’t have a clue about what you just said”. To which I replied “Even coaches don’t know, which is why I’m traveling so much to teach it!”
He wished me the best of luck and I went on my merry way.
But that’s what happens in every realm of life, isn’t it? Every day someone says something to me of which I have no clue and I can’t wait to hear more. That’s one of the best parts of Shadow Coaching™. Our work is interdevelopmental. There isn’t a day where we don’t grow in leaps and bounds and as my knowledge increases, so does my ability to coach that client and all the ones that follow.
Are your relationships interdevelopmental? Are you both stimulated by your interactions and if not, are you engaged? Are you interested in what evolves? And are you open to and aware of the possibilities as they unfold? Especially for coaches, if you are so intent on having control of the process, the conversations and sessions, then you aren’t open to the client’s life as it unfolds. You are more intent in guiding the process and then it isn’t about the client. It’s about you. Shadow Coaching™ eliminates all that, as you coach in real time, not on an interpretation of that moment fed back to you later.
If we were more mindful of life as it unfolded and let go of the control of what we think we want before it happens, life would go in a totally different direction. We would learn more, grow more, meet people we hadn’t intended to meet and evolve on a totally different plane.
Have you caught yourself guiding a process that didn’t seem to work? Do you often feel as if you’re trying to force a square peg in a round hole in a given circumstance? Then perhaps it was meant to go in a different direction. Maybe it’s time you walked in your own shadow to pay attention to your own life as it unfolds. What a concept!
Best..
Donna Karlin
This past week was exactly that for me. I was in Chicago doing an Advanced Shadow Coach™ Training session with a group of amazing coaches looking to see what else is out there in the realm of our profession. Some already knew me and about my work and walked in eager to jump in to whatever was tossed at them. Others walked in with open minds, not really knowing what it is I do and the rest, well it took a while for them to come around to my model of coaching as it challenged their paradigms in every way shape and form. Whenever I teach I have to take a good long look at everything I do and how I do it so I can articulate it to the class. In hearing their feedback and answering their questions, I did indeed walk in my own shadow as I’m a Shadow Coach ™ : )
Those dynamics are present in all my trainings and I love watching as the awareness sinks in. They not only learn how to go deeper and wider in the dynamics of working with clients but their self-awareness or walking in their own shadows increases as well.
The trip started off with a smile as I pre-cleared US customs. The customs officer wanted to know the nature of the work I’d be doing in the US and when I told him I was going to do an Advanced Shadow Coach™ Training, he looked at me and said “You DO realize I don’t have a clue about what you just said”. To which I replied “Even coaches don’t know, which is why I’m traveling so much to teach it!”
He wished me the best of luck and I went on my merry way.
But that’s what happens in every realm of life, isn’t it? Every day someone says something to me of which I have no clue and I can’t wait to hear more. That’s one of the best parts of Shadow Coaching™. Our work is interdevelopmental. There isn’t a day where we don’t grow in leaps and bounds and as my knowledge increases, so does my ability to coach that client and all the ones that follow.
Are your relationships interdevelopmental? Are you both stimulated by your interactions and if not, are you engaged? Are you interested in what evolves? And are you open to and aware of the possibilities as they unfold? Especially for coaches, if you are so intent on having control of the process, the conversations and sessions, then you aren’t open to the client’s life as it unfolds. You are more intent in guiding the process and then it isn’t about the client. It’s about you. Shadow Coaching™ eliminates all that, as you coach in real time, not on an interpretation of that moment fed back to you later.
If we were more mindful of life as it unfolded and let go of the control of what we think we want before it happens, life would go in a totally different direction. We would learn more, grow more, meet people we hadn’t intended to meet and evolve on a totally different plane.
Have you caught yourself guiding a process that didn’t seem to work? Do you often feel as if you’re trying to force a square peg in a round hole in a given circumstance? Then perhaps it was meant to go in a different direction. Maybe it’s time you walked in your own shadow to pay attention to your own life as it unfolds. What a concept!
Best..
Donna Karlin
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