World of Psychology | The Power Of Intentions: Thriving Through Divorce

Intentions equal results. If you intend to emerge through a difficult situation stronger than ever before, it will happen. This article which I co-authored with Melanie Gorman can be applied to a divorce in a marriage, a partnership (life or work) and many other relational circumstances. 

If you set your intention, make it powerful and easy to achieve. Click here to read on...

The Power Of Intentions: Thriving Through Divorce | World of Psychology

Paying Your Leadership Forward

Paying their leadership forward seems to be a common thread that emerges in the stories of my book Leaders: Their Stories, Their Words. Not only do they lead people from a sense of values and humanity, or as I call it "humanness", they honor those who helped them evolve into their leadership by doing something that matters.

Joe Saltzman shows how much he honors his mentor and past High School English teacher, Ted Tajima by giving his all to his students and sharing Ted's impact as a role model with everyone around him. He states it beautifully when he says "The best lessons I’ve learned along the way are these: always put others ahead of yourself, and never do anything solely for personal gain. By helping others, by doing the best job you can on everything you do, true joy will be yours. The unhappiest people I know are the ones whose goals are trivial and unimportant, and who put what they do second to what they want to get out of it. I believe that if you care about what you do and put all your talent and time into it, the rewards will come. But to do something simply because of those rewards is to fail." 

Ron Kitchen had many who dramatically impacted his life from Ewing Kauffman in an exchange he had with him at the ball field to his mother's best friend to a good friend who mentored him into business.  In his words, "Most people want to be asked to mentor, whether it’s officially or unofficially. They’re willing to give you a little bit of themselves to help if they believe you’re honest and genuinely trying to use that to move forward. I’ve never had anybody who I asked for help and mentorship who turned me down, and I don’t think I’ve ever turned anybody down either." 

The key factor with these leaders is they don't forget their roots nor the people who helped them emerge into their leadership. They don't take all the credit for being "self-made" they acknowledge those around them who they paid attention, listened to and learned from.

There were a few people in my life who showed me not to take no for an answer. Jim, an early mentor and teacher told me I could hugely impact the world if I just gave myself the permission. David told me "no" had no business being in my vocabulary. And Paul told me to go out and start my own firm as I was making a name for myself way back when and I had a choice to either make it for the consortium I was affiliated with or myself.  I listened. The rest is history.

When I was talking at Catalyst University I challenged the people in the room to find others who can help them make their dreams a reality. Everything knows something about life and living that we don't.  Ask them for their guidance and help and give the same back. Do it without any expectations of anything in return and you'll get back more than you imagined.

Clients often call and ask if I might speak to their kids who are going away to university. I always say yes and hope that they'll help someone some day who's in the same boat. Next week I'm donating my time to teach at a local high school. This is the age when dreams are formed and if I can light a small light in the hearts and minds of these students, it's worth every minute and then some.

How are you going to reach out and pay your leadership forward? Before you start telling yourself (and others) that you're no one special or have nothing to share, think again. You just have to think deeper. In the day and age where social media makes it so easy to reach out and connect, your impact can go a long way to helping many realize their goals and dreams.

Just do what matters.

A Catalyst for Learning

Caring Doesn't Cost Anything. Not caring does. Caring continues to grow a community and that was tangible at Catalyst University in Kalamazoo, Michigan.
 
Speaking at Catalyst University was an eye opener for me in many respects. Hopefully you'll excuse the pun once I share my own learning because of this powerful event. 
 
Caring for community and the people within it is a driving force behind the leaders in Kalamazoo. What Southwest Michigan First does in bringing Catalyst University to the community is create an extraordinary 'container' within which one can shift their thinking, percolate on possibilities, benefit from the great minds and huge hearts in the room and, in turn, start "doing differently".
 
As a Coach, my job is to help people think differently, and view themselves differently. Asking the questions like "What don't you know that you need to know? Who don't you know who you need to know?"seemed to really resonate as I had quite a few conversations around the edges of Catalyst (breaks, lunch and post). People were sharing their interpretations of that and how they were going to integrate what I shared with them into their worlds.
 
Many picked my brain to see how they could integrate the models I use in my group and team work into their organizations and teams. And many thanked me for sticking around to have these conversations and to honor them by doing so. For me that's a given as in all the years I've been speaking and guest lecturing I will always stay around so the people in the room can connect the dots and have their questions answered. I never want to be so busy as to be able to stick around and get to talk with the people who take their precious time to hear me speak. My learning continues to be about talking with people as opposed to at them.
 
I love connecting with people through their stories; through conversations. Even when I'm on stage I want to see their responses, what's engaging them, exciting them and what might push their buttons. All creates shifts. My learning this particular time was difficult to say the least. I walked on stage, turned to the almost 600 people in the room and couldn't see a thing. Not only couldn't I connect with the people in the room, even visually, I couldn't see the monitors, timer, the video when it showed… I could hear it but couldn't see it. I was completely blinded by the lights. Because of the eye glasses I wear, my height and the positioning of the lights, I couldn't see anything. My first reaction was almost one of panic. My second was being grateful that I decided not to use the slides as I wouldn't have been able to see and speak to them. I spoke from the heart and shared some reality check questions with the people in the room. I learned that one can operate as much on instinct as preparation. What I do is as much who I am as a profession. That served me well. 

My second lesson was if I am completely focused on the people and not myself, then I could stay centered. That worked until towards the end when I asked myself how I was going to walk off stage without being able to see. Thankfully, once I turned away from the lights I could see enough to navigate the stairs. Once I was back stage in dim lights, my sight came back and off I went into a great conversation / interview. There would be time to process what just happened when I got home. I didn't want my personal experience to interfere with the people coming over to talk with me and the fabulous conversation I had about what I'll be doing with the future leaders when I return to Kalamazoo next month. My biggest lesson was how I will never again assume that the setup for a speaking engagement will work for me. That was something I took for granted at every talk. Now I'll check out the stage and position of the lights so this never happens again. The lights I want to see are in the eyes of those I'm talking to.
 
Someone asked me how they can pay their leadership forward. My answer is to open your minds to truly listening to what others bring to the table no matter what their age, title or position. Let them know what you plan to do to honor them in sharing their ideas with you. Help them make their ideas a reality.
 
Speak to them based on their story, not yours. Share possibilities with them, connect them to people who will help make their dreams happen and the ripple effect of your leadership will go well beyond your knowing.
 
We are the center of a circle, the circumference determined by our circle of influence. Join with other people and the circles and possibilities are endless.
 
At the end of Catalyst, Ron Kitchen, CEO of Southwest Michigan First (Leaders, Their Stories, Their Words, Chapter 2) asked everyone to answer the following questions. I'm sharing them with you (and my own answers) so you can answer them and positively impact your world.
 
1.    What am I personally passionate about?
Supporting people to achieve their level of excellence and to positively impact the world, even one person at a time.
 
2.    What needs to happen to bring results to my passion?

Teaching more, speaking more….working with students to help them see their leadership. Supporting other 'game changers' in their worlds. When we partner with others who have their own broad circles the impact is exponentially larger than our own no matter what our global footprint is.

When my book was formally launched end of November, 100 copies came in with damaged covers. I had to rip them off and send them back to the publisher for them to figure out what went wrong in the printing. They told me to do whatever I wanted with the books and that I could dispose them. I refused. Even though they were "naked" books they had value.

I sent a broadcast out through Twitter and my FaceBook asking locals for names of people who ran leadership programs in the high schools. I contacted them and because of the great responses, starting this month, I will be going into some of the local high schools with my "naked" books. I will be giving them to the students, doing personality profiling with them, and asking them to choose one story they will work on in triads and come back with their learning and action because of them. I'll spend a day with them up front, then go back towards the end of the program to see where the shifts have occurred. I will be donating my time and giving back to my own community.

I will continue to support the TED Fellows (which, by the way we do pro bono) and the Ronald McDonald Houses as we lived in one on and off for 18 years. I will also mentor 2 rising stars to help them evolve and continue implementing reverse mentoring programs in my clients' organizations.

3.    What can I commit to do today to make my passion a reality?
To remember to do what matters.
 
I commit to keeping the spirit of Kalamazoo and love of community and the people within it as a driving force in all I do, whether within Kalamazoo or elsewhere in the world, to always remember that people are behind everything we do and as someone who goes into communities, organizations, companies,  governments, and political offices, to be a steward and remember the basic tenet of stewardship which is "To do no harm".
 
And to always remember….no ceiling just sky.
 
I'd love to hear your ideas and action as to how you're going to dive into the deep end of what you're passionate about and make it happen.

Do You Expect Support or Has it Been Earned?

The other day I was in conversation with a colleague about two member organizations we both belong to and support. As I do every year, I review my work, what conferences I'll attend or present at, and what avenues are open to me to continuously learn. I also look at who I mentor and engage with and then make my decisions to move forward based on what comes up for me in those reviews.

In this case, for these two organizations, nothing much has happened for close to a year and even less since the new terms have started. As a past executive in both organizations, my loyalty is strong, but to a point. The question is, is my loyalty and support honored and is it earned?

Those are two of the questions I have to answer when I make my decision to renew my memberships and whether or not I'll be an advocate for them. As not much has been happening, at least that we're aware of, I thought I'd ask what was in the works for the coming year, how I could support the organizations and ask why they think I should rejoin. For one, I was told to rejoin because it's only $129. There was no other answer forthcoming. For the second, I was basically told I had no right to ask the questions, that asking was insulting.

So to get back to my conversation with my colleague, his response was "That's not what the organization stands for" to which I replied "That's not what it stood for". Things have radically changed. We cannot make decisions based on history. If an organization believes we should continue to support it just because we're founding members and nothing else, then it's resting on its laurels. They are not earning our support based on current action or honored commitments or basic respect for its members.

Should we continue to support organization which have fallen silent to its members or made commitments that haven't been kept? It's more than whether or not we waste money. In my opinion, when you attach your name and advocate for a person or organization, your reputation and professional integrity is on the line. Would I recommend an organization to a student or colleague that told a member they didn't have the right to ask the relevant questions? No. Would I disrespect myself in attaching my name to an organization that disregards its members? No.

We have to choose how we devote our time, energy and money. For me, devoting it to something or someone who will help others evolve and grow is a key criteria. Don't ask people for their support if you don't care what you give back. Don't ask people to support you based on past history. Ask them because you know you'll make a difference in their lives and professions and they'll be valued as contributors. Then you have earned their loyalty.

Great organizational leaders understand this and make sure the customer is always kept in mind for every decision that's made. Great leaders understand that if they forget who they serve, they won't have an organization left to lead as they won't have anyone left that they're serving.

Leading by Example

This afternoon I read a fabulous post Live to Lead by Example. A question I often ask my clients is "Are you paying attention to your level of impact?" This post speaks about "Pay(ing) attention to the power of leading by personal example." You are what you do more than what you say and people are paying attention.

Even if you're not paying attention to your level of impact (good or bad), others are. Count on it! 

Memories, Intentions and Wishes

"The sense of smell can be extraordinarily evocative, bringing back pictures as sharp as photographs of scenes that had left the conscious mind."  - Thalassa Cruso

I love this time of year when, after a fresh snowfall, the trees sparkle in the sunlight and our boots make that squeaky crunching sound. Last year I wrote about scent-triggered memories of our time in the country. I make a point of revisiting it, as a reminder of what is so precious in our lives…the gift of time to create these kinds of memories. So many of these traditions are carried on in our home today.

We still bake and cook up a storm as family and friends come in for the holidays. Meals and stories are shared, as is laughter and happy tears in the telling of them. Some of the mental snapshots are brought back by the scent of the snow-covered pines that wrap around the house, the smell of cinnamon and chocolate, slow-cooked stews and spiced orange cakes fill the house with the scent of home, present and past. A new puzzle is ready to go so anyone coming into the house can find that piece we'd been looking for for what seemed like hours. Music, well, music is always a part of our home as we listen to oldies, hum as we putter, and all in all, create the space we need to enjoy, share and make new memories to share in the future.

As the new year dawns, it's time for me to set some intentions.  I've been thinking long and hard on what they need to be in order to craft a great year and here is what I came up with...

I intend:
·    to remember that life is not black or white, all or nothing;
·    to do what really matters and make smart choices for how to use my time and money in the best possible way;
·    to mentor more…teach more;
·    to ask people to share their stories and learn more about life and living through their experiences;
·    to continuously learn; and
·    to protect and cherish the "space" I create in my life to live and enjoy life with those I love so we can create new wonderful memories in the making.

So for the year to come, I encourage you to look at everyday moments as extraordinary. Celebrate the small things as much as the huge ones, let people celebrate you, give to you and pamper you even just a little…then a little more and remember to reciprocate. Pay attention to who's around you, what's around you and what you surround yourself with (thoughts, feelings, people and experiences), for those choices will create what your life will be. 

Question things. Recognise you might not always get the answer and might have to live in the questions, but that's OK too. I wish you a fresh, sparkling new year filled with joy, a newfound awareness of yourself and others, good health and the realization of your deepest and innermost dreams.

Best,
Donna

15 Tips to Live 2012 Intentionally

Many of my clients talk to me about making New Year's resolutions to bring about change in their lives, professionally and personally. I don't think we can separate the two. We live life by intention, either actively or passively. Intentions = results. It's not about resolutions that might get left by the wayside....it's about what do you intend to do about how you hold yourself, make choices and interrelate that will create the shifts you want to see happen? Here are (in my book) 15 absolutes. If you adopt even some of them, shifts will occur. If you adopt all of them, the shifts will be dramatic.

1. If you make a commitment, keep it.  If you can't honor it, then don't make it in the first place. That means considering what you have the capacity to do before committing. Which leads to...
2. Don't take something on unless you can do it fully. It will not only negatively impact your reputation for excellence but take time, focus, energy and money away from what you could be doing really well.
3. Let go of what others can do as well or better than you. Stick to what you're masterful at. Why be one of a million when you can be one in a million?
4. Figure out what you have to let go of in order to free up space for opportunities. Too many opportunities are missed because they're put on the back burner for when you "have time". Too many opportunities are missed because you're so bogged down you didn't see them in the first place.
5. Get out of your realm. See what other people are doing and living. Yes, hone your skills by being a continuous learner but check in with those you impact by the work you do. That's the best way to know what shifts you have to make to serve them better and, in turn, you'll be better for it. That's the road to mastery.
6. Try something new every day…a food, another genre of music, speak to someone you've never spoken to before…..then reflect on the experience and learning.
7. Say thank you.
8. Ask someone to share their story. 
9. Book at least 15 minutes a day for reflective thought. 30 minutes is better.
10. Figure out what limiting belief (one at a time) is holding you back. Then figure out what you have to do to let go of it. If you need help with that, get it. Holding on to limiting beliefs won't serve you. Period.
11. Whatever you do for others, do it from choice not obligation. Both of you will know the difference.
12. Do what really matters. Don't do what doesn't.
13. Simplify. Just because life might be complex, it doesn't mean it has to be overly complicated.
14. Give the gift of presence. If you're with someone, be with them.
15. Take risks.  Playing it safe isn't playing at all.