If You Don't Know, Ask...Then Ask Again

First impressions... Whether or not people should read a book by its cover, or the proverbial personality cover in this instance, the fact remains that most people do. So how you hit the floor running when you enter an organization will be very telling. This is a heads up to remember that in most cases, this is the norm. The only question might be is 100 days too long or do many organizations form an opinion much faster than that?

I would ask, what do you need to do to hit the floor running and stay running? Otherwise you'll be running to catch up, not lead. After a while it'll be more like hitting your head against the wall than evolving into any semblance of leadership. I'd also suggest learning as much as you can before walking through the front door. What is expected of you and by when? What do you need to know that you don't know in order to do your job in the best possible way? And if you don't know, then ask. Ask again. Ask someone else for their perspective. Don't forget to listen from a perspective of what you don't know. There's always more than one perspective. If others are holding back information, that says a lot about corporate culture and if the staff is collaborative or not. It'll also be a key determining factor as to how quickly you can get moving.

Balance those answers with your knowledge, innovative approach and energy. Integrate what others say to build a strong, cohesive team, not a dictatorship, and you'll have others on board to support you.

"Leaders don't force people to follow—they invite them on a journey." - Charles S. Lauer

Remember, in any context you have power with people, not by holding power over them. You'll all know within 3 months or less whether or not it's going to work. Cut that in half and you're ahead of the game.

Best!
Donna Karlin

Hearing Yourself Think

My colleague Susan Meyer posted a blog on a similar topic. I wanted to share her view with you so edited this to add a link to her blog and some comments. It seems as if many of us are observing or interacting with those who only hear their own voices and have a difficult time hearing their own silence. In being this way, they not only don't let the rest of the world in, but stop others from being heard as well. It gives a whole new meaning to the expression "Silence is golden" I wonder what that person experienced in order to have come up with that remark?

"When I became quiet, they could hear themselves" - Byron Katie

As a coach we not only have to ask the right questions to evoke awareness and answers but we have to give clients the space to think. In the physical sense, I ask clients "When do you get out, go for a walk, clear some space not to escape the world but to let the world in?"

This is the same in dialogue, having the mental space to let thoughts in, to formulate, think, create, just 'be' or hear yourself think as you bounce conversation of someone else. There's nothing like someone finishing your thoughts as if they could read your mind. I don't know about you, but clairvoyance isn't a common thing, though many people think they know exactly what it is you're going to say and don't hesitate to make that known. People like this are in a dialogue of the deaf. They're not hearing you; waiting for you to complete a thought or idea. They're taking half an idea and moving it in another direction and putting it in the "It's all about me" context. People like this validate something about themselves or their past, negating where you're coming from in the first place and absolutely not hearing you in any way shape or form. People like this feel who they are and what they have to say is more important. They don't care that they might be cutting you off, throwing a punch line into a story out of context, making you stop dead in your verbal tracks or even caring about what you might be thinking or feeling. It's about them….them speaking, being heard or having to validate everything you say based on their experiences, not yours.

I always wonder how insecure that person was in order to behave that way. Still, in the scheme of things, it doesn't matter really, as that's their way of being you have to deal with….or not. Choices come to play in cases like this. Do you really want to spend any time with someone who doesn't acknowledge you have a relevant thing to say outside the realm of their worlds? Are you in any kind of relationship where you come away from a conversation feeling frustrated, exhausted and ignored at the same time? Ask yourself why and when you figure out the answer, then figure out why you're still in it. You just might find your contact list shrinking but your energy and enthusiasm for everyone in your life growing in leaps and bounds.

Best...
Donna Karlin

*Note: In "The Emotionally Intelligent Coach" blog, my colleague Susan Meyer says "It seems to be true that the louder you get and the longer you talk and the more often you interrupt, the less likely you are to have anyone actually hear what you have to say. Silence adds a great deal to any conversation. Thoughtful reflection allows the time to digest the thoughts and ideas of your conversational partners and to add something of value."

Click here to read the rest of her insightful post

Makes you think doesn't it?