What the teacher is, is more important than what he teaches. - Karl Menninger.
Who inspires you and why? Who do you inspire and teach and why do you think others listen? To learn facts, one can read and memorise them. To remember and use them in context of your life, how a teacher presents those facts, where they have meaning and value to you is what lights the spark within you to do something with them. Everyone teaches in some way. I maintain my son is my best teacher. Does he have more knowledge than me? In some cases, yes. How does he teach me? By the way he lives life. We are all teachers. Whether educators, leaders, parents, children, mentors, coaches, we teach others in some way. It could be facts or ways of being. Teaching another is showing them what life is all about and helping them find their place in it. A great teacher helps the learners get past that which blocks them….to get past fears and inhibitions and fly. A teacher sows the seed of possibility in another’s mind in order for them to take that seed and grow something with it. The best kind of teachers places themselves into the shoes of the student….to listen for what they don’t already know or for new ways of being. Then the teacher becomes a partner with the learner rather than only leader and in those instances both evolve.
The teacher nourishes, feeds the sense of possibility until the students take over and nurtures ideas and skills and finds their niche in the world. Life-changing teachers zero in on the reality of what is and helps the students get past the false barriers.
Who are you teaching and how? Are you sharing the seeds of ideas and letting your students free to find their own way in the world? A teacher's purpose is not to create clones of themselves, but to help others develop so they can create their unique place in life.
Teaching should be full of ideas instead of crammed with facts. How will you lead others to find their own life purpose, not a copy of your own?
Best…
Donna Karlin
Monday, March 28, 2005
Saturday, March 19, 2005
Why I Blog
I’m frequently asked “Why do you take the time to blog?” “How often do you post a blog? What’s in it for you?” “You’re so busy, why do you bother?”
There are many different answers to this. Some are smart business practices for visibility, being picked up more often on Google in searches and to become known in my areas of expertise but that isn’t my primary reason for blogging. Recently I was interviewed by an online magazine on this exact topic; why do I blog, what are the benefits to my business etc etc. I know I didn’t stay on topic re: sales etc. however the author thought enough of my comments to add them in as well.
Recently I received an email from someone who had forwarded my blog to her company manager. That manager in turn forwarded the same post to the director who subsequently forwarded it to the division Vice President. Did I post the blog with hopes of becoming known by this VP? No. I posted it so there would be a possibility of coaching people indirectly….even those I’ve never worked with personally. The ripple effect goes way beyond what the author will ever know and sometimes I’m lucky enough to hear back from a reader who will share insights, ideas and personal experiences which will in turn help future clients as I will have heard and taken into consideration another perspective.
My blog lets people in….gives them a glimpse of who the blogger is, not only the work I do. I incorporate personal experience and history into my blogs so clients and readers can see who I am multi-dimensionally. It gives insight into the way I think, feel, live and work to the extent where I can be personal but still professional, hopefully never crossing the boundary to the inappropriate.
If I didn’t blog, I wouldn’t be fortunate to communicate and share part of my life with others who in turn share theirs with me as well. And now, in the very short time I’ve been blogging, those readers….the regular readers, come from 38 countries living different cultures, religious, ways of being. I am touched by them in some way every day and my life is enriched because of it.
Why do I blog? So I can connect with you in some way as you read this and thank you for sharing a brief moment in time with me. Through you I grow and learn and create a connection that I wouldn’t have had otherwise. You keep me on my toes, help me stretch, both in writing skills and creating concepts and programs that will, I hope, in turn help you grow as well.
For that and all you bring, many many thanks.
Best!
Donna Karlin
*Note: Welcome new subscribers from United Arab Emirates and Egypt increasing the country count to 38!
There are many different answers to this. Some are smart business practices for visibility, being picked up more often on Google in searches and to become known in my areas of expertise but that isn’t my primary reason for blogging. Recently I was interviewed by an online magazine on this exact topic; why do I blog, what are the benefits to my business etc etc. I know I didn’t stay on topic re: sales etc. however the author thought enough of my comments to add them in as well.
Recently I received an email from someone who had forwarded my blog to her company manager. That manager in turn forwarded the same post to the director who subsequently forwarded it to the division Vice President. Did I post the blog with hopes of becoming known by this VP? No. I posted it so there would be a possibility of coaching people indirectly….even those I’ve never worked with personally. The ripple effect goes way beyond what the author will ever know and sometimes I’m lucky enough to hear back from a reader who will share insights, ideas and personal experiences which will in turn help future clients as I will have heard and taken into consideration another perspective.
My blog lets people in….gives them a glimpse of who the blogger is, not only the work I do. I incorporate personal experience and history into my blogs so clients and readers can see who I am multi-dimensionally. It gives insight into the way I think, feel, live and work to the extent where I can be personal but still professional, hopefully never crossing the boundary to the inappropriate.
If I didn’t blog, I wouldn’t be fortunate to communicate and share part of my life with others who in turn share theirs with me as well. And now, in the very short time I’ve been blogging, those readers….the regular readers, come from 38 countries living different cultures, religious, ways of being. I am touched by them in some way every day and my life is enriched because of it.
Why do I blog? So I can connect with you in some way as you read this and thank you for sharing a brief moment in time with me. Through you I grow and learn and create a connection that I wouldn’t have had otherwise. You keep me on my toes, help me stretch, both in writing skills and creating concepts and programs that will, I hope, in turn help you grow as well.
For that and all you bring, many many thanks.
Best!
Donna Karlin
*Note: Welcome new subscribers from United Arab Emirates and Egypt increasing the country count to 38!
Friday, March 11, 2005
A New Day
Do not say "It is morning," and dismiss it with a name of yesterday. See it for the first time as a newborn child that has no name. - Rabindranath Tagore
Every day is a fresh start. We learn something new, perhaps meet someone new who will change our lives in some way, increase our knowledge or help us grow. As the day dawns we can bring all that newness to the table and build on it. When we greet the day with the problems of yesterday and the “what was” we create blockages to what’s possible and the “what may be-s” We do the same with people.
History seems to get in the way. Why is that? Why do we allow memories of a hurt come back to affect us profoundly all over again when that person is no longer in the equation? Is there comfort in reliving past hurts? It’s completely outside my understanding.
When we do the same in the workplace we’re not allowing trust in. We can’t rebuild it and create strong working relationships if our expectations of an individual are all bad. You get what you expect. Expect the best and speak to their best and that’s what you’ll get. Speak to weaknesses and negativity and you’ll get that as well.
There’s a story I love which illustrates fresh starts and leaving past problems where they belong….in the past. It’s called ‘The Trouble Tree’. You might have heard it but I think it’s worth a second visit…
“I hired a carpenter to help me restore an old farmhouse. He had just finished a rough first day on the job: a flat tire made him lose an hour of work, the electric saw quit and now his ancient pickup refused to start. While I drove him home, he sat in stony silence. On arriving, he invited me to meet his family.
As we walked toward the front door, he paused briefly at a small tree, touching the tips of the branches with both hands.
When opening the door he underwent an amazing transformation. His tanned face was wreathed in smiles and he hugged his two small children and gave his wife a kiss.
Afterwards he walked me to the car. We passed the tree and my curiosity got the better of me. I asked him about what I had seen him do earlier.
"Oh, that's my trouble tree," he replied. "I know I can't help having troubles on the job, but one thing's for sure, troubles don't belong in the house with my wife and the children. So I just hang them up on the tree every night when I come home. Then in the morning I pick them up again."
"Funny thing is," he smiled, "when I come out in the morning to pick "em up, there ain't nearly as many as I remember hanging up the night before." - Author Unknown.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if, the next day you could forget to pick up past troubles altogether and treat the new day as just that….a time to be open to all the possibilities that will come if you open your mind and heart to letting them in.
Best…
Donna Karlin
*Note: Welcome subscriber from Austria. Perspectives now welcomes regular readers from 36 countries!
Every day is a fresh start. We learn something new, perhaps meet someone new who will change our lives in some way, increase our knowledge or help us grow. As the day dawns we can bring all that newness to the table and build on it. When we greet the day with the problems of yesterday and the “what was” we create blockages to what’s possible and the “what may be-s” We do the same with people.
History seems to get in the way. Why is that? Why do we allow memories of a hurt come back to affect us profoundly all over again when that person is no longer in the equation? Is there comfort in reliving past hurts? It’s completely outside my understanding.
When we do the same in the workplace we’re not allowing trust in. We can’t rebuild it and create strong working relationships if our expectations of an individual are all bad. You get what you expect. Expect the best and speak to their best and that’s what you’ll get. Speak to weaknesses and negativity and you’ll get that as well.
There’s a story I love which illustrates fresh starts and leaving past problems where they belong….in the past. It’s called ‘The Trouble Tree’. You might have heard it but I think it’s worth a second visit…
“I hired a carpenter to help me restore an old farmhouse. He had just finished a rough first day on the job: a flat tire made him lose an hour of work, the electric saw quit and now his ancient pickup refused to start. While I drove him home, he sat in stony silence. On arriving, he invited me to meet his family.
As we walked toward the front door, he paused briefly at a small tree, touching the tips of the branches with both hands.
When opening the door he underwent an amazing transformation. His tanned face was wreathed in smiles and he hugged his two small children and gave his wife a kiss.
Afterwards he walked me to the car. We passed the tree and my curiosity got the better of me. I asked him about what I had seen him do earlier.
"Oh, that's my trouble tree," he replied. "I know I can't help having troubles on the job, but one thing's for sure, troubles don't belong in the house with my wife and the children. So I just hang them up on the tree every night when I come home. Then in the morning I pick them up again."
"Funny thing is," he smiled, "when I come out in the morning to pick "em up, there ain't nearly as many as I remember hanging up the night before." - Author Unknown.
Wouldn’t it be wonderful if, the next day you could forget to pick up past troubles altogether and treat the new day as just that….a time to be open to all the possibilities that will come if you open your mind and heart to letting them in.
Best…
Donna Karlin
*Note: Welcome subscriber from Austria. Perspectives now welcomes regular readers from 36 countries!
Wednesday, March 02, 2005
Listening....REALLY Listening
Today I was approached by someone who asked me to help him with his training plan. He held a key position, not by virtue of rank but by how much his work affected that of others in the division. I was happy to look over the list of training programs and courses he was thinking of taking over the next 3 years. The first thing that hit me was, the training was all over the place. Each course sounded good by itself, however the first question that came to mind was “Putting them all together, how will this help him get where he wants to go?”
I asked him to explain his thought process….why he chose these courses in the first place and in this combination. Granted, the layout of the course listings wasn’t very clear and yes, all courses were grouped into categories but as one description flowed into another, and headings easily missed, it was easy to misunderstand the focus of the trainings.
Pruning down the list wasn’t difficult, especially since many of the courses were inappropriate for what he did or where he wanted to go in the future. After cutting back, there were 8 left; not a huge number of courses to be taken over a three year period. The hardest part for him was prioritizing. When he asked me which I thought was most important; which of all the courses would give him the best return on time and investment, it was simple for me to choose. For him, it was easy to be seduced by all the promises that were made with regards to the benefits of each course.
The most important skill to have or hone is listening. Real, open listening; effective listening, is not just downloading the information another has to say only if it is in congruence with your opinions and ways of thinking. It’s truly listening….hearing and processing what that person has verbalised. Once you have that skill down pat, everything is easier. You learn more, are open to other ways and means and perspectives. If he only took one training that would be the one I’d choose for him. Second to that is effective communication. If you can’t articulate what you want or need then no one will be able to understand it either and you’ll be wasting a heck of a lot of time and energy explaining yourself. Even then it’s a toss-up whether or not you’ll get the desired results.
One goes hand in hand with another.
So if you read a course description that spouts something about learning better communication skills and the description goes on about how you get along with others, learn dispute or conflict resolution etc, then that’s more in the realm of inter-personal relations, not communication The best way one can communicate in the workplace is to remove the personal factor. Speak to the facts, the truth of a situation and then be clear, articulate and concise. Ask for clarification and when you do ask a question, be quiet and open to hearing the answer.
That’ll be the biggest gift you could ever give yourself, and others.
Best!
Donna Karlin
*Note: Welcome subscriber from Sweden! 35 countries and counting! Pull up a chair, read away and feel free to comment, share and join the conversation!
I asked him to explain his thought process….why he chose these courses in the first place and in this combination. Granted, the layout of the course listings wasn’t very clear and yes, all courses were grouped into categories but as one description flowed into another, and headings easily missed, it was easy to misunderstand the focus of the trainings.
Pruning down the list wasn’t difficult, especially since many of the courses were inappropriate for what he did or where he wanted to go in the future. After cutting back, there were 8 left; not a huge number of courses to be taken over a three year period. The hardest part for him was prioritizing. When he asked me which I thought was most important; which of all the courses would give him the best return on time and investment, it was simple for me to choose. For him, it was easy to be seduced by all the promises that were made with regards to the benefits of each course.
The most important skill to have or hone is listening. Real, open listening; effective listening, is not just downloading the information another has to say only if it is in congruence with your opinions and ways of thinking. It’s truly listening….hearing and processing what that person has verbalised. Once you have that skill down pat, everything is easier. You learn more, are open to other ways and means and perspectives. If he only took one training that would be the one I’d choose for him. Second to that is effective communication. If you can’t articulate what you want or need then no one will be able to understand it either and you’ll be wasting a heck of a lot of time and energy explaining yourself. Even then it’s a toss-up whether or not you’ll get the desired results.
One goes hand in hand with another.
So if you read a course description that spouts something about learning better communication skills and the description goes on about how you get along with others, learn dispute or conflict resolution etc, then that’s more in the realm of inter-personal relations, not communication The best way one can communicate in the workplace is to remove the personal factor. Speak to the facts, the truth of a situation and then be clear, articulate and concise. Ask for clarification and when you do ask a question, be quiet and open to hearing the answer.
That’ll be the biggest gift you could ever give yourself, and others.
Best!
Donna Karlin
*Note: Welcome subscriber from Sweden! 35 countries and counting! Pull up a chair, read away and feel free to comment, share and join the conversation!
Monday, February 28, 2005
Speaking to Strengths
“Appreciation is like looking through a wide-angle lens that lets you see the entire forest, not just the one tree limb you walked up on.” - Doc Childre and Sara Paddison
I use this quote as an analogy to illustrate the concept of speaking to one’s strengths. See the entire person, not just their strengths but speak to that part of them and you will not only help them grow and evolve because of it but help them focus on their talents.
In many organizations, history gets in the way of people working well together. They see the “What was” rather than the “What is or what might be” and because of that, don’t communicate well nor trust that the other will come through for them.
When I work with clients who share difficult history with me, the first thing I do is ask them what they’ve done to create a new, different history. Generally the answer is “Nothing” or “Why should I bother if they won’t see it anyway?” Even though there is strict confidentiality and it’s in every one of my contracts, it never stops their bosses from asking “How are they doing?’ My stock answer is “GREAT! And don’t ask me anything else because I’m not going to tell you anyway”. My clients need to know everything they share with me is in confidence; that it’s ‘safe’ to share. However, when asked about the changes I’m implementing with a staffer, or that I see, I also add “Don’t ask me to articulate the changes. Look for them and you’ll see them. And if you DO see them, remark that you do because if it were you, would you want to work hard at changing if no one would bother acknowledging it?”
If there is one message I can get across to those of you who are reading this, it would be “Speak to others’ strengths”. Even indirectly, when you speak to one’s strengths you are telling them you not only acknowledge the existence of those strengths but want to see more of them. You’re not ignoring their weaknesses or past history; however you’re no longer focusing on them.
One of my clients told me I see her worst side and yet it doesn’t make a difference. I always walk in wanting to know what great things have happened; and in helping her focus on those things, she automatically begins to work to her strengths because that’s what I focus on. History is just that. If you allow others to approach you from that perspective, you’ll attract more of the same. And if you don’t ‘go there’ in conversation or deed, then in a very subtle way you help others focus on the ‘now’ as well and eventually leave the past exactly where it should be, in the past.
“There is no stimulus like that which comes from knowing that others believe in you. There is no investment you can make which will pay you so well as your effort to scatter sunshine and good cheer where ever you are.” – Author unknown
When you focus on the good in others, it’s much easier to interact with them positively, with a smile and good wishes. They in turn will probably do the same and the ripple effect will go way beyond that moment. So for those I’ve worked with or not, when you’re able to share a comment like “He/she never comes through…can’t trust him…….she never meets deadlines” whatever you’re about to say, remember those words will linger long beyond the conversation and others will look at the people you’re remarking about in a negative way. At the same time if you say “He’s really great at…why don’t you ask him to collaborate in this area”, or “She’s incredibly intelligent and analytical. Don’t give her deadlines but ask her to help you with research” you’ll get beyond missed deadlines because you’re speaking to strengths and helping a person grow.
When you stimulate a passion in someone else, deadlines are rarely an issue because they dive in with both feet enthusiastically. Speak to strengths, task to strengths when at all possible and focus on the good. You’ll get more of all.
Best!
Donna Karlin
*Note: Welcome subscriber from Thailand! 'Perspectives' is honoured to now have subscribers from 34 countries
I use this quote as an analogy to illustrate the concept of speaking to one’s strengths. See the entire person, not just their strengths but speak to that part of them and you will not only help them grow and evolve because of it but help them focus on their talents.
In many organizations, history gets in the way of people working well together. They see the “What was” rather than the “What is or what might be” and because of that, don’t communicate well nor trust that the other will come through for them.
When I work with clients who share difficult history with me, the first thing I do is ask them what they’ve done to create a new, different history. Generally the answer is “Nothing” or “Why should I bother if they won’t see it anyway?” Even though there is strict confidentiality and it’s in every one of my contracts, it never stops their bosses from asking “How are they doing?’ My stock answer is “GREAT! And don’t ask me anything else because I’m not going to tell you anyway”. My clients need to know everything they share with me is in confidence; that it’s ‘safe’ to share. However, when asked about the changes I’m implementing with a staffer, or that I see, I also add “Don’t ask me to articulate the changes. Look for them and you’ll see them. And if you DO see them, remark that you do because if it were you, would you want to work hard at changing if no one would bother acknowledging it?”
If there is one message I can get across to those of you who are reading this, it would be “Speak to others’ strengths”. Even indirectly, when you speak to one’s strengths you are telling them you not only acknowledge the existence of those strengths but want to see more of them. You’re not ignoring their weaknesses or past history; however you’re no longer focusing on them.
One of my clients told me I see her worst side and yet it doesn’t make a difference. I always walk in wanting to know what great things have happened; and in helping her focus on those things, she automatically begins to work to her strengths because that’s what I focus on. History is just that. If you allow others to approach you from that perspective, you’ll attract more of the same. And if you don’t ‘go there’ in conversation or deed, then in a very subtle way you help others focus on the ‘now’ as well and eventually leave the past exactly where it should be, in the past.
“There is no stimulus like that which comes from knowing that others believe in you. There is no investment you can make which will pay you so well as your effort to scatter sunshine and good cheer where ever you are.” – Author unknown
When you focus on the good in others, it’s much easier to interact with them positively, with a smile and good wishes. They in turn will probably do the same and the ripple effect will go way beyond that moment. So for those I’ve worked with or not, when you’re able to share a comment like “He/she never comes through…can’t trust him…….she never meets deadlines” whatever you’re about to say, remember those words will linger long beyond the conversation and others will look at the people you’re remarking about in a negative way. At the same time if you say “He’s really great at…why don’t you ask him to collaborate in this area”, or “She’s incredibly intelligent and analytical. Don’t give her deadlines but ask her to help you with research” you’ll get beyond missed deadlines because you’re speaking to strengths and helping a person grow.
When you stimulate a passion in someone else, deadlines are rarely an issue because they dive in with both feet enthusiastically. Speak to strengths, task to strengths when at all possible and focus on the good. You’ll get more of all.
Best!
Donna Karlin
*Note: Welcome subscriber from Thailand! 'Perspectives' is honoured to now have subscribers from 34 countries
Monday, February 21, 2005
Letting the World In
I can't ever recall a time as busy, chaotic, or intense as these past few weeks and it looks like the coming month will be the same. As I run with my clients, if I can teach them one thing only, it would be to find some quiet time and space to think; a place to walk and get some fresh air to just 'be'.
When I talk about that, many tell me it's running away and ask me as a Coach how could I prescribe running away to my clients when they should tackle the chaos head on?
I was thinking a great deal about that. I need to speed up to the life of the client to teach them to slow down to the speed of thought.....to no longer react but instead respond to the chaos. And the first step towards that is solitude. It's not escaping the world. It's clearing away all the 'stuff' and letting the world in.
Something to remember when you feel guilty even for a second to a break and go off somewhere. You'll come back more focused, energized and centered and will be ready to tackle the world!
So toss that guilt right out the window. Stop for a moment and enjoy what's right there in front of you before jumping right back into the center of it all. The difference is, now you'll be ready for whatever comes your way.
Best!
Donna Karlin
When I talk about that, many tell me it's running away and ask me as a Coach how could I prescribe running away to my clients when they should tackle the chaos head on?
I was thinking a great deal about that. I need to speed up to the life of the client to teach them to slow down to the speed of thought.....to no longer react but instead respond to the chaos. And the first step towards that is solitude. It's not escaping the world. It's clearing away all the 'stuff' and letting the world in.
Something to remember when you feel guilty even for a second to a break and go off somewhere. You'll come back more focused, energized and centered and will be ready to tackle the world!
So toss that guilt right out the window. Stop for a moment and enjoy what's right there in front of you before jumping right back into the center of it all. The difference is, now you'll be ready for whatever comes your way.
Best!
Donna Karlin
Saturday, February 19, 2005
The Right Questions
"Confidence, like art, never comes from having all the answers; it comes from being open to all the questions" - Earl Gray Stevens
As a Coach I couldn’t resist this quote as that’s what we do best….ask the right questions. From a client’s perspective, being open to the questions their Coach throws at them and accepting the challenge of some of them is the first, second and third steps to getting to where they want to be in their lives. Status quo can be a seductive place to be as it’s the known. It might not be where they ultimately wish to be in life but in their world of whirlwind days, one crises after another and demands on their time, ‘what is’ in their lives is easier to live than going after ‘what will be because I’m going to work at making it happen’. That takes time, energy and incredible focus. In my opinion, that’s the first gift a Coach can give their client….the mental space and perspectives to make choices towards change.
If we don’t hit the nail on the head with a laser question, then we ask another question until we do. What I love about being a Shadow Coach is when my clients start anticipating what I’ll be asking them. What I love even more is when I change directions and they don’t expect what’s coming. My goal is for them to see the entire situation not just their part in it and to go that one step further and grow because of it.
It’s very easy to live your life as you know it, even if it’s not one you love, however not as easy to look back on that life without regret. As George Eliot said “It is never too late to become what you might have been”.
So as I am a Coach I will end this blog with a question, maybe two for you and invite you to answer. “What one thing will you do today to get you one step closer to your dream? And what steps will you take after that?”
Best!
Donna Karlin
* Note: People from 33 countries subscribing and counting! Welcome reader from Kuwait!
As a Coach I couldn’t resist this quote as that’s what we do best….ask the right questions. From a client’s perspective, being open to the questions their Coach throws at them and accepting the challenge of some of them is the first, second and third steps to getting to where they want to be in their lives. Status quo can be a seductive place to be as it’s the known. It might not be where they ultimately wish to be in life but in their world of whirlwind days, one crises after another and demands on their time, ‘what is’ in their lives is easier to live than going after ‘what will be because I’m going to work at making it happen’. That takes time, energy and incredible focus. In my opinion, that’s the first gift a Coach can give their client….the mental space and perspectives to make choices towards change.
If we don’t hit the nail on the head with a laser question, then we ask another question until we do. What I love about being a Shadow Coach is when my clients start anticipating what I’ll be asking them. What I love even more is when I change directions and they don’t expect what’s coming. My goal is for them to see the entire situation not just their part in it and to go that one step further and grow because of it.
It’s very easy to live your life as you know it, even if it’s not one you love, however not as easy to look back on that life without regret. As George Eliot said “It is never too late to become what you might have been”.
So as I am a Coach I will end this blog with a question, maybe two for you and invite you to answer. “What one thing will you do today to get you one step closer to your dream? And what steps will you take after that?”
Best!
Donna Karlin
* Note: People from 33 countries subscribing and counting! Welcome reader from Kuwait!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)