Tuesday, May 25, 2004


Recently I was asked if I like everyone. I found that a strange question but, afterwards, realised that most people don't see the world from the eyes of a Coach. Obviously the answer was "No, I don't" but thought a great deal about that question ever since. No, I definitely don't like everyone. That would be verging on the ridiculous. What I do, however is see the good in those I come across in life. There's a difference. I'm always open to the possibilities that I will learn something, experience something new or grow as an individual through every person I meet.

Interestingly enough, the person who asked me this question was one of the most uncommunicative, closed people I've ever met. There was no eye contact, no interactive conversation. As a matter of fact, what interaction there was was quite curt and impersonal. Quite an oxymoron when you think that this individual is quick, intelligent and witty.

So what did I learn? A great deal. People like this judge quickly, are inflexible and miss so much along the way. They also judge a book by the cover and miss the myriad layers waiting to unfold before them. I learned that when one has expectations of another without any rhyme or reason, they are almost always disappointed. And when they don't take the time to see anything beyond the tip of their nose, they are missing out on what could be an extraordinary experience. It also confirmed to me that I don't ever want to be one of those people.

When push came to shove, did I like this person? No. Would I choose to be friends with this person or take what precious free time I have and make a point to spend more time in a relationship like this? No again.

One thing Thomas Leonard taught me was to prune my life of toxic relationships and choose what I want in my life. Attraction. Attracting people, experiences, situations to my life that I want with the absence of anything I don't want. It's not freedom of....it's absence of. The difference being freedom of has a connotation that something I don't want is there and I have to be free of it. Absence of means it's not there in the first place because I attract only that which I do want. Subtle, yes. Powerful, yes. So maybe that's why some think I like everyone. That's because I choose to spend time with those who are important to me and not waste it on those who aren't. That doesn't mean I won't go out of my way to meet and interact with new people because I always will. I'll make some great new friends along the way. And for those I meet and don't click with, I will still learn something....about human nature, about myself, about how to communicate with all sorts of people. And to see and and hear what they're not saying.

"Human beings, by changing the inner attitudes of their minds, can change the outer aspects of their lives." - William James

That's what I want....to be able to see the many perspectives of life....always changing....enriching.....fulfilling.

Donna Karlin

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