Centered Self / Selfishness

One of the most difficult things to do for most of my clients is taking time for themselves. Their homework the first day "Take a half hour just for you. Tell your family, S/O etc that unless the house is burning down or there's a real emergency, you're not to be disturbed until the end of that half hour." I could ask them to stretch in pretty much any direction to increase their comfort zone, but there's something about asking them to be a bit selfish for a moment that pushes their buttons. When I started out, I used to tell them to take an hour and that was REALLY pushing it. So I reduced it to a half hour.... for starters : ) and just as they're coming to terms with that, I increase it. OK, so I never said I was supposed to make their lives easy. Better, yes....easier, no....at least at that moment in time. Once they begin to replenish their inner selves, their lives DO get easier.

For most of us, taking time...that very precious commodity, is being selfish. Well I have news for you... selfish is in. Remember what the flight attendant tells you when you get on a plane? "Put your oxygen mask on first before helping anyone else" You don't give to yourself, sooner than later there will be nothing to give others. And taking that time to "just be" is a beginning. Find a place, either physical or mental where you can let go of all the stresses of the day and allow all sorts of wonderful thoughts and ideas just fill your mind. It's not about escaping the world....it's finding your inner balance with which to bring all the wonders of the world in, without the chaos and pressures of the day. This is the most precious gift you could give yourself....the gift of peace, quiet and introspection. And somehow, life has a way of rushing in, even more beautiful than before.

Best!

Donna Karlin

Water

I don't know why water is such a draw for me.....the desire to be near the ocean, that smell of salt in the air....a warmth that seems to permeate your very being while sitting there on the sand. I burn even looking at the sun, but somehow, that desire is always there. It's not only the ocean....it's the water. The same feeling comes over me as I drive home along the Parkway ....looking at the river that divides Ontario with Quebec....the vivid green of the grass, watching people bike and walk along its shores, and, very special to me in the spring and summer months, watching the Canada Geese just stand there, sometimes so still they look like statues. They're never here for long and I know I'll miss them when they start going south in the colder winter months.

Most of my dreams...the memorable ones, seem to take place along the shores of the ocean and reading a quote this morning brought it all back, maybe making sense of it all. Anne Morrow Lindbergh wrote "In the first happy condition, one seems to carry all one's tasks before one lightly, as if borne along on a great tide; and in the opposite state one can hardly tie a shoe-string".

I know when I'm happy everything works like clock-work with very few glitches along the way. For me the power of the ocean both energizes and relaxes....a contradiction, yes...one I love. Because when I close my eyes I can almost touch it...feel it's strength...the wonder of it, and it infuses me. Veronique Vienne wrote "The only difference between an extraordinary life and an ordinary one is the extraordinary pleasures you find in ordinary things". To me....there's nothing ordinary in the magic of the sea, or the pictures it conjures in my mind. And, I suppose, that could be said about the special people in my life as well.

I wonder....how many extraordinary things can you find in an ordinary day? Enjoy your week.

Best..

Donna Karlin

Energy and Time

Recently I read a book on energy management. They maintain it's not about managing time, rather it's all about managing energy. Yes....energy is the key to high performance and happiness. We all know how vulnerable we become when we're exhausted. However, in my opinion you can't separate the two. Time and energy goes hand in hand. If you don't balance your schedule and figure out your priorities, both in work and life, then you're always behind the eight ball in catch up mode until something gives, usually your health. The adage "want something done, ask a busy person" is true. Do they have more time? No! They manage it better.

Many Coaches have commented to me (before really knowing me and how I manage my life) that I'm going to kill myself by how I work. Shadow (or observational) Coaching takes an incredible amount of energy. There is no down time for me, even when my client is working away quietly. You have to be aware of every movement, body language, communication interactions and how they manage themselves. But I don't and won't Shadow four weeks out of the month. It's all about balance and managing time which is the key to maintaining energy flow.

I take one week out of the month to increase my knowledge, do research...meet with old clients for them to share their victories, and interview new ones. There's time for paperwork catch-up and, creating new class material for my students and, of course, writing my blogs. Most important...time to replenish energy and just "be".

And as far as I'm concerned, by spending time with people I enjoy being with, balancing my life with living life, which means making sure I get to do the things I've had on my "places to go, people to see, things to try" list, life doesn't pass me by and I have the time and energy to enjoy it.

Best!

Donna Karlin

All Sorts of Wonderful Possibilities

Wouldn’t it be wonderful to be able to wake up every day and feel fresh, energized and raring to go, without knowing exactly why....because it just is? A small stretch beyond your comfort zone .....a feeling of being "daring" even in the tiniest way...wearing a combination of two colours you never wore before, eating a new food, loving or hating it but happy you had the guts to try it...an overall feeling of "what the heck... I’m going to go for it and see what happens" kind of attitude.

Sounds wonderful, right? And then many of my clients, friends and family come out with "Sure sounds great! But right now I have to do car pool, meet a deadline at work....etc.etc.
Maybe I’ll try it tomorrow".

How many of you live your lives in the future tense? Not the future....but the concept that tomorrow will give you all the extra time you need to do everything you’ve put off in the past because it was never convenient. I used to live that way, way back when....and gave myself a swift wake up kick when I saw friends and family battle life threatening illnesses and wish there were more tomorrows.

As my father jokes with me on a regular basis (throwing a favourite line back at me) "Are you living the moment?"

And if you did today what you really wanted for some time in the tomorrows....wouldn’t you feel great? Not only that you (heaven forbid) put yourself first, but had the courage to try something new.

Somehow the kids get to their destinations on time, deadlines are met AND both with a smile and a spring to your step. You can break all the rules, have fun and respect yourself in the morning. Maybe it’s time to set new rules....ones that allow a little bit of selfishness. The joy that’ll come of it will also spread...the ripple effect larger than you could imagine.

Start a trend! As the late Mae West used to say "Too much of a good thing is wonderful!" Learning to allow every day pleasures is the most about face change many can make. It won’t happen overnight, or tomorrow. It CAN happen right now, starting today, one stretch at a time.

And when you do choose a constant state of happiness and joy, your day to day life will be too wonderful for words.

Imagine what it would be like to keep it that way.

Have the best day.....

Donna Karlin

What is Your Personal Motto or Credo?

Years ago when I was taking a course that made me take a good long look at myself and where I was going in my life, the facilitator shared the rule by which he lived his life. I loved it and adopted it for my own. "I live my life in direct proportion to the commitments I make and keep" (James Quinn). It changed the way I approached life, definitely helping me work towards making it "toleration free".

I no longer make commitments I don't want to make or have any intention of keeping. I give of myself because I choose to, not because it's expected to. And those who are recipients of that, know instinctively that's true and appreciate whatever it is I did for them all the more.....as do I.

When we give because we're expected to, regardless of whether or not we want to, there's a slight edge to it along with a touch of anger that we were put in the position (truthfully it's allowing ourselves to be put in that position) of doing something against our wishes.

When we give of ourselves with no expectations of anything in return, both benefit.

It can be as basic as asking another how they are because you really want to know, not because you have or want an expectation of them asking you back. And how many times have they not, which bothers you? How many keep score of the number of times they called a friend, waiting for the return call because it's "their turn"? What ever happened to calling because you wanted to talk and find out how they're doing?

Small things that add up over time....serving to nag at you, breaking down a relationship.

What personal motto do you have to help you keep things in perspective?

Best!

Donna Karlin

Merging Past and Present

The other night I was sitting in the National Arts Centre listening to the exquisite music being played by the orchestra, while at the same time watching old friends on stage, totally immersed in their playing, focused on doing the best performance they could and came to realization that this is team work at its best....getting past emotions, egos and individual likes and dislikes to produce the best possible results.

It's not about the individual and how incredible a performer they might be in their own right......it's about getting beyond the self, the artistic temperament...putting it all aside to create something more than themselves.

For me, that was merging what I call my "past life" and present one.....taking skills I learned as a concert musician way back when and using them in my work as an Executive Coach, building teams that work as one. When we apply that same concept to the workplace, just think of all the water cooler conversations that wouldn't happen, and detrimental gossip and tempers would be set aside to achieve goals by working towards a common vision and purpose. That's transcendence.....getting past 'it' and 'you'....and focusing on what would truly make a difference.

Now that's powerful.

Best!

Donna Karlin

Looking back and wondering....did I tell you

This afternoon is a milestone in my life and that of my son’s...his graduation from University, and a stepping stone for him as he soon leaves for grad school overseas. We briefly spoke about parenting last night and a comment he made was "A parent should inspire and mentor their kids". I believe in that and, hopefully when he has children of his own, he’ll remember that conversation. And as I look back I remember something I had read long time ago, altered here and there and used as a reminder to me, and, I believe something every parent should ask themselves. I think is fitting to the occasion....

"Did I tell you?

Now that you are grown, I look back and ask myself...
Did I tell you?
Did I tell you all that I meant to tell you, all that I felt was important.
Did I tell you or was it lost in the shuffle of our everyday lives. The busy full days when I taught and didn't know it.
What did I teach? Was it strong? Was it good? Did it root you in something real that will allow you to grow with a firm and sound foundation?
Did I tell you.....

Did I tell you to love, not with a fair weather love, but with a love that accepts and cherishes unconditionally. Love not with a quick and passing love, but with a love that is a quiet peace within your heart.
Did I tell you to be thoughtful.
Not to be a martyr or doormat to be trod upon, but to be aware of other people and their needs.
To meet others with awareness and within your own framework be able to meet them halfway and on occasion go the other half joyfully.

Did I tell you to be courteous ....not to display empty manners with no meaning but to live the courtesy born of caring. And to express this caring through the small formalities and customs born of the years.

Did I tell you to be bold...To be not afraid of the unknown, but to live life to the fullest, and meet each new experience with joy and anticipation.

And did I tell you to be cautious. To temper you daring and sense of adventure with good judgement and consideration.

Did I tell you to serve other people if only in a small way.

There is growth and satisfaction in being part of something larger than yourself and your life will be richer for knowing this.

Did I tell you to maintain a sense of the past. To recall and uphold all that is best and meaningful in our country and in our society. But, never be afraid to speak out where you don't believe or where there is room for improvement. Work for what you believe, but work in a positive way within a structure of order and reason.

Did I tell you to find a part of nature that speaks to you. Then know it intimately and well. For some it is a mountain peak, for some a windswept beach. Find your own and in it find your restoration.

Did I tell you to laugh, to dance, to sing. There is a lot in life that is hard, but take it as it comes and find the good..... and make time to dance.

Did I tell you to be creative to explore the seed within you. Find your creative spirit and let it grow.

And did I tell you the challenge of being a man - the challenge of balancing your world -
The need to achieve and the need to nurture -
The need to be strong and the need to be tender -
The need to meet the tests that life brings, yet always keep love at the centre -
Letting it be the star by which you set your sail.

Did I tell you these things as we went along the way?
If I did, I am humbly grateful. If I did not, then you must choose for yourself if it has meaning accept it and make it your own. If it does not, discard it. Your life is yours to build as you choose.

And did I tell you..... I hope it will be a good life"