Norfolk

This past weekend, we flew to Norfolk, Virginia for my son's post operative assessment. That's nothing unusual in itself as we've been going for almost 20 years. What was different was the gamut of emotion we both experienced throughout the weekend.

I'm still processing it and realising that many things have changed over the years, the least of which is the city itself. From a decaying deserted downtown core it's become a vibrant hub of activity..... restaurants, pubs and shops.....many of our favourite restaurants no longer in existence, and even in the short time since we've been there, stores and old haunts have replaced by newcomers.

Even Ronald McDonald House....our home away from home for many stays, has changed, almost doubling in size. The manager, Miss Ellie, still welcoming those who walk through the front door with a welcome and a hug, has been the heart and soul of the House for years. When we walked across the threshold....she was instantly there, arms open, waiting to give us a hug.

And then moments later, she did the same to a very young mother whose daughter has leukemia and had just experienced a seizure. In what seemed like seconds, she went from being a sick child knowing her mother's love, concern and support to not being aware at all.....the results of the seizure. Her mother wanting reassuring words of hope that she wouldn't lose her "baby"....words no one could give her because that couldn't be promised.

Emotions ran rampant.....thoughts of how could I help her through this? How is Michael feeling as he watched this? The first thing that came to mind was that I am SO blessed. As much as we have dealt with many challenges over the years, none have been life threatening and for that we are very very grateful. Watching my son silently fighting back tears because he felt what she was going through on an emotional scale of his own.....wanting things to be better for her....for others going through the same or similar circumstances.... a woman alone....no husband to rely on and share the hell she was going through....having to figure it out on her own with the people she'd come to know in the "house" that love built (the motto of Ronald McDonald House and one I heartily agree with).

I wish I could have waved a magic wand over them to make everything better....but I couldn't. The paramedics came in mere minutes and with their reassuring soft voices spoke to the child and her mother, giving them some semblance of calm, at least for the moment while they readied the small girl for the ambulance. All I could do is listen and hope that some how......some way, everything would turn out well for both of them....for the little girl so she wouldn't know suffering and strength for her mother to handle whatever it was that she would have to deal with.

We left that night both thinking our own thoughts......leaving them to share later the next day. In the meantime we still had to process everything the surgeon told Michael, possibilities she could foresee for his future.

And as we sat in the airport, waiting for the bad weather to pass so we could fly home, again we talked about our intense weekend. Amazing how much one can experience in a few short days, starting with a province-wide power failure, trauma, storms, drastic change of a city we once thought we knew like the back of our hand, once again delayed flights and storms and, in the centre of it all a kind of a calm, not sure if it's exhaustion, overriding the emotions simmering under the surface or if indeed I have processed it all.

Today back to routine...work and running......schedules and responsibilities. Will it all fade? Most probably to some extent, though, whenever I speak to Miss Ellie at the "House" I'll be told the latest update, asked what I think might be the best way to deal with "this and that" instigating new insights and ideas. One constant is always wondering at how I can work to change the system to give help to those who need it desperately…..until the next visit or call for help.

Puts everything in perspective……

Best to all of you...

Donna Karlin

Different

"Sometimes, when people don't fit into an existing mold, it's because they belong to something larger than the present....something they will never find because they will someday build it for themselves and others."

That was a quote I picked up some time, somewhere, by an unknown author. It remained with me because it so perfectly describes who I am.

That's been my place for years.....'different'. In University, going into the music faculty set me apart from my high school friends. I was 'different'. And then, studying percussion as a female, especially in the early 70's, again made me 'different'. I never did quite fit into the mold, either with my peers or family.

And then due to life circumstances and challenges....when I took what life gave me and worked toward becoming a Trainer and then eventually Executive Coach, my career choice in a world which wasn't too familiar with Coaches outside of sports, again didn't fit into any mold.....especially when it came to how a Coach looks at and approaches life.

But you see, the thing is, it's not so much as looking at yourself as different. It's when it no longer matters. There's a joy, an energy in thinking "outside the box". By expanding my comfort zone there are far fewer problems, and instead, I look at life from a better perspective, with infinite possibilities. For me, at any rate, 'different' is the only place to be.

I never know what the next day will bring. I do know in some way it'll bring me a challenge I'm equal to....a great learning experience, the interaction of wonderful people and new things....experiences and tidbits of knowledge..... to store away for another time. This is what will strengthen my future. I plan to invent mine, not just let it happen.

Best!

Donna Karlin

Three Powerful Words

...words they've made movies about. Words spoken out loud when you sit down at your computer and eagerly log on to hear 'You've Got Mail". Bet you thought they were going to be three different words : ) Actually, for many, they're almost one and the same. Many of us have separate e-mail accounts for work and personal use (and if you don't, you should, because they're different priorities, and I'll leave it up to you to figure out which I think is most important). Every day as I wade through my 200 or so work related e-mails that come throughout the day, it's the personal ones I can't wait to get to....when it's quiet and I can read through them leisurely and respond the way I want to. There's something about turning the computer on, anticipating whether or not that gem will be waiting for you....one to give you an inner smile that just won't go away.

Last month, when there was a threat of a mail strike and I watched some of my clients scramble to get every possible contingency plan ready, the first thing that occurred to me was "I wouldn't be able to send out that birthday card".....and "they'll never get it on time if there is a strike!" Oh there are incredibly beautiful e-cards that one can send and I love using those as well, but nothing compares going to your mail box and seeing a hand-written address in that special envelope knowing that someone took the time, where time is so precious these days, to go pick a card that speaks the words that are in your mind, whether birthday or a 'just because' or, never mind a card, a letter....you know, one of those old fashioned kind of letters where you take pen to paper, using special stationery to touch someone in some way....

OK....I was found out. I'm a romantic. So no mail strike and the cards are on their way. And maybe I'll send a letter or two....the old fashioned kind that will slow my mind down, and the rest of me too....at least for a short time.

I just wish I could be there on the other end when they're opened, just to see the smile.

Best!

Donna Karlin

Centered Self / Selfishness

One of the most difficult things to do for most of my clients is taking time for themselves. Their homework the first day "Take a half hour just for you. Tell your family, S/O etc that unless the house is burning down or there's a real emergency, you're not to be disturbed until the end of that half hour." I could ask them to stretch in pretty much any direction to increase their comfort zone, but there's something about asking them to be a bit selfish for a moment that pushes their buttons. When I started out, I used to tell them to take an hour and that was REALLY pushing it. So I reduced it to a half hour.... for starters : ) and just as they're coming to terms with that, I increase it. OK, so I never said I was supposed to make their lives easy. Better, yes....easier, no....at least at that moment in time. Once they begin to replenish their inner selves, their lives DO get easier.

For most of us, taking time...that very precious commodity, is being selfish. Well I have news for you... selfish is in. Remember what the flight attendant tells you when you get on a plane? "Put your oxygen mask on first before helping anyone else" You don't give to yourself, sooner than later there will be nothing to give others. And taking that time to "just be" is a beginning. Find a place, either physical or mental where you can let go of all the stresses of the day and allow all sorts of wonderful thoughts and ideas just fill your mind. It's not about escaping the world....it's finding your inner balance with which to bring all the wonders of the world in, without the chaos and pressures of the day. This is the most precious gift you could give yourself....the gift of peace, quiet and introspection. And somehow, life has a way of rushing in, even more beautiful than before.

Best!

Donna Karlin

Water

I don't know why water is such a draw for me.....the desire to be near the ocean, that smell of salt in the air....a warmth that seems to permeate your very being while sitting there on the sand. I burn even looking at the sun, but somehow, that desire is always there. It's not only the ocean....it's the water. The same feeling comes over me as I drive home along the Parkway ....looking at the river that divides Ontario with Quebec....the vivid green of the grass, watching people bike and walk along its shores, and, very special to me in the spring and summer months, watching the Canada Geese just stand there, sometimes so still they look like statues. They're never here for long and I know I'll miss them when they start going south in the colder winter months.

Most of my dreams...the memorable ones, seem to take place along the shores of the ocean and reading a quote this morning brought it all back, maybe making sense of it all. Anne Morrow Lindbergh wrote "In the first happy condition, one seems to carry all one's tasks before one lightly, as if borne along on a great tide; and in the opposite state one can hardly tie a shoe-string".

I know when I'm happy everything works like clock-work with very few glitches along the way. For me the power of the ocean both energizes and relaxes....a contradiction, yes...one I love. Because when I close my eyes I can almost touch it...feel it's strength...the wonder of it, and it infuses me. Veronique Vienne wrote "The only difference between an extraordinary life and an ordinary one is the extraordinary pleasures you find in ordinary things". To me....there's nothing ordinary in the magic of the sea, or the pictures it conjures in my mind. And, I suppose, that could be said about the special people in my life as well.

I wonder....how many extraordinary things can you find in an ordinary day? Enjoy your week.

Best..

Donna Karlin

Energy and Time

Recently I read a book on energy management. They maintain it's not about managing time, rather it's all about managing energy. Yes....energy is the key to high performance and happiness. We all know how vulnerable we become when we're exhausted. However, in my opinion you can't separate the two. Time and energy goes hand in hand. If you don't balance your schedule and figure out your priorities, both in work and life, then you're always behind the eight ball in catch up mode until something gives, usually your health. The adage "want something done, ask a busy person" is true. Do they have more time? No! They manage it better.

Many Coaches have commented to me (before really knowing me and how I manage my life) that I'm going to kill myself by how I work. Shadow (or observational) Coaching takes an incredible amount of energy. There is no down time for me, even when my client is working away quietly. You have to be aware of every movement, body language, communication interactions and how they manage themselves. But I don't and won't Shadow four weeks out of the month. It's all about balance and managing time which is the key to maintaining energy flow.

I take one week out of the month to increase my knowledge, do research...meet with old clients for them to share their victories, and interview new ones. There's time for paperwork catch-up and, creating new class material for my students and, of course, writing my blogs. Most important...time to replenish energy and just "be".

And as far as I'm concerned, by spending time with people I enjoy being with, balancing my life with living life, which means making sure I get to do the things I've had on my "places to go, people to see, things to try" list, life doesn't pass me by and I have the time and energy to enjoy it.

Best!

Donna Karlin

All Sorts of Wonderful Possibilities

Wouldn’t it be wonderful to be able to wake up every day and feel fresh, energized and raring to go, without knowing exactly why....because it just is? A small stretch beyond your comfort zone .....a feeling of being "daring" even in the tiniest way...wearing a combination of two colours you never wore before, eating a new food, loving or hating it but happy you had the guts to try it...an overall feeling of "what the heck... I’m going to go for it and see what happens" kind of attitude.

Sounds wonderful, right? And then many of my clients, friends and family come out with "Sure sounds great! But right now I have to do car pool, meet a deadline at work....etc.etc.
Maybe I’ll try it tomorrow".

How many of you live your lives in the future tense? Not the future....but the concept that tomorrow will give you all the extra time you need to do everything you’ve put off in the past because it was never convenient. I used to live that way, way back when....and gave myself a swift wake up kick when I saw friends and family battle life threatening illnesses and wish there were more tomorrows.

As my father jokes with me on a regular basis (throwing a favourite line back at me) "Are you living the moment?"

And if you did today what you really wanted for some time in the tomorrows....wouldn’t you feel great? Not only that you (heaven forbid) put yourself first, but had the courage to try something new.

Somehow the kids get to their destinations on time, deadlines are met AND both with a smile and a spring to your step. You can break all the rules, have fun and respect yourself in the morning. Maybe it’s time to set new rules....ones that allow a little bit of selfishness. The joy that’ll come of it will also spread...the ripple effect larger than you could imagine.

Start a trend! As the late Mae West used to say "Too much of a good thing is wonderful!" Learning to allow every day pleasures is the most about face change many can make. It won’t happen overnight, or tomorrow. It CAN happen right now, starting today, one stretch at a time.

And when you do choose a constant state of happiness and joy, your day to day life will be too wonderful for words.

Imagine what it would be like to keep it that way.

Have the best day.....

Donna Karlin